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hurt so bad ready to give up in Ohio

ShySShy Posts: 23
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:54 AM in Chronic Pain
Hi I am pretty new here, I am having a really bad day the last 2 morning I woke up hand tingle and elbows in so much pain back stiff hips sure legs ache. I am getting worst. depress because I can't do anything but sit on this freaking coach and count on my children for help. I hate relying on others. I am use to being independent ,Like most of you I am sure spent a lot of money on pills and doctor appointment, ER, MRI Chiropraactor and it is putting us further in debt like the economy is doing a fine job all by it self.. And I probably won't be able to go back to by job (school bus driver)I hate my life wish the pain would stop my legs feel so heavy and the scary part is I don't really understand what is going on ,it is like a waiting game.I know some of you are worse off then me but I think, god is this gonna happen to be later on down the road, I am so scared. The pain never stops. and more things are starting to bother me, Some one just talk to me before I go complete crazy.

L4,L5 sever damage L3,L2 L1 mild center canal stenosis and arthritis that all I know as of right now.


  • Bluding disk. To my L4L5
  • I am sending you hugs! I can hear that you are struggling with your pain and how it all makes you feel. Have you been able to talk with your doctor about the feelings of depression?
    I am very new to this site and find it to be very helpful and the people supportive. I know all of our situations are different, but I have found that reading the threads and visiting the chat have helped me feel not so alone in what we are dealing with.
    take care
  • just wanted to say thank you I finally an seeing my doctor on wedesday. he has been on vaction. I just want to wake up one day and be able to take my 11 year old swimming and play with my grandchildren, I hate being in this messy house all the time. something has to change.
  • I too am new this site and find it not only eductional but a great support mechanism. Just reading other peoples stories and how they survive our daily struggle of unmanable pain is uplifting.
    After my surgery that resulted in my current condition of Couch potatoe expert I was panicked over the finances. Though my wife worked I was the major bread winner. We planned ahead for the surgery so we were good for several months but we never planned for the surgery to result in total disability.I feared losing my home etc.
    At the suggestion of my DR I applied for social security. You have to be likely to be disabled for a year in order to qualify and cannot collect until the 7th month but the added income is a blessing.Also if you have a home mortgage they may have a program to help. If you are unable to work you had a major life changing event that may qualify you for a loan modification. In my case if provided a free refinance to lower my payments by 50%. Lastly if you own a home you may be able to freeze your property taxes if you are classified as disabled by social security.I was unable to do this because my town only offers it if you are a disabled veteran but many towns and states do and is worth looking into.
  • X( ~X-( Thank you for all the advice. It sure does help. I am already struggling financially with 5 kids at home and 1 grand-kid plus helping with my other grand-kid so they don't have to pay a big babysitter bill. I know in the back of my head my bus driver days are over with . I just hope when I finish school I will be able to do a social worker job. even though I hate paper work but at least it will be a job and something I want to do. This is very hard for me and it sucks, just to know I will get worst as the years follow. But at least I am not dying I am in just consent pain.
  • I don't know your whole story, but feel the need to reassure you that you can get through this. I still suffer with pain although I had a 2 level lumbar fusion over a year ago. I am able to work, thank goodness, but it is an almost daily struggle. I have missed a few days here and there, but have not gone out on an extended medical leave since my surgery.

    I think most of us share many of the same fears and worries no matter where we are in our spinal adventure. The things you are feeling are normal. I find it reassuring to know that others have been able to keep going despite struggling with the physical and mental pain that accompanies chronic pain.

    I can say that I have learned to deal with it all better as the days go by. Hopefully you too can learn to cope using whatever tools you assemble in your "toolbox for pain". I just try to get through one day at a time. For me that is a skill I had to learn, but it really does help with my anxiety and depression as well as my physical pain.

    Sorry that you had to find yourself here, but I am glad to welcome to the SH family.

    Wishing you the best. Hang in there.
  • Shy, I understand what you are saying. I also put off my surgeries as long as possible. I thought I was postponing one surgery, but time and mis-use damaged my back so that when I finally gave in I needed both my neck and back done.
    When you speak about your children it reminded me of the day when my grandson asked me, when can I sit on the floor again with him as we used to for reading books.
    It made me sad, but helped me to feel that I had made the right decision and scheduled surgery.
    Take care of yourself and heal! That is what we all need to do, to the best of our body's ability.
    I don't know right now what will happen with my job. My position requires extensive car travel as well as extended periods of sitting. All I can do for now is focus on the healing and see how much I can do when I am done.

    take care,
  • Ah, yes, our wierd Ohio weather certainly does not help with our pain! When it rains or storms it is a roulette wheel to figure out what the cause of the pain is: the fibro, chronic myofascial pain, degenerative discs, or the severe arthritis in my low back.

    I have found that controlling stress is key to controlling my pain so when my kids want me to babysit my grandkids, I have to say no if I am in a lot of pain. Plus I have to accept that I cannot get down on the floor with them so I do other things instead. I can still go to the park (we have a beautiful big park in our little town) and swing them and occassionally go down the slide with them. I can go for walks and play in the yard, but I have to pace myself and when the pain gets high, I tell them grandma has to sit for a bit.

    You may have to tell your children no more when it comes to babysitting as that will increase your pain for sure. I am a retired teacher and stress when I was teaching made my pain go through the roof. I know driving a school bus is extremely stressful as well. And I know that being a social worker is one of the most stressful jobs out there and one of the lowest paid jobs. My husband's niece is a social worker in Columbus and I know several here in Tusc. county and some of the things they have seen and dealt with gives me chills. One of them has fibro, but she is a wonderful social worker. Just make sure you can handle the stress before looking at that field. Have you ever thought of applying for disability? It may be something to consider.

    I have a wonderful well known pain doctor who has fibro and chronic fatigue himself and a great psychologist who helps me deal with stress and by using a total mind, body, spirit approach, I can say life is good again and not too long ago I would not have said that. Take care of yourself.

    sue in ohio
  • Yes today my grandson joey was testing me all day. It was a touch touch touch day and smile and laugh at me lol then when I got really angry with him he kiss and hugged me melted my heart he is 16 month already knows how to sucker grandma lol however very stressful day with him and your right my back is killing me the pain is just throbbing and the never pain is starting to flare up. but i will say this he is worth it right now. don't know what the future will hold so I play as much as I can right now with him but it not that bad because we sit and sing and read play with toys .. until he is board then he is uh up any running,, there has been a couple of times I did say no because I was in so much pain that all I did was sleep.( with the help of my friend mr.sleep pill lol) I have your number I'll call you soon. to maybe get some better detail. thanks for your support shiela
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