My name is Johannes and i used to have kyphosis (still has?).
About 5 years ago i had a surgery for it and you can say that the surgery changed my life or most of it. I had a 97 degree curve that was changed to 55-65 degree curve. The surgery changed my life completly, everything or almost everything that i wanted to accomplish, i have done that. I lost 100 pounds, i got my bachelor of science degree and i started building a great life for me. You can say that before the surgery, i was pretty much a nobody.
Back to the point, after i did the surgery it had some serious complications, when he straighten my back completly they saw that the nervs stopped sending signals and that scared the doctor which made him bend the back a little bit back to way it was. The surgery was 10 hour long and when they woke me up, i was not able to move at all. I stayed in the hospital for 3-4 months because of this and it may have taken up to 5 months to learn how to walk again. Today i run, i do martial arts, i swim and i go to gym all the time. However i am not satisfied, i look at my back 24/7 to see how good/bad it is. Any mirror i see nearby, i have to see if i am walking straight. I get nervous when people are walking behind me and i wait and let them walk ahead because i am scared of bad comments. This has been going on for 5 years now and ive gotten to a point that it is driving me crazy.
It has this mental control over me and i can't seem to shake it off because it isn't a 100 percent good back and that is what makes me angry, knowing that other surgeries was more successful then mine and i had to suffer a lot.
Sometimes if we go out, i notice that some people makes comments about it but my family/friends insists that i am hallucinating.
Some family members that haven't seen me before, when they see me the first time, they ask me, why do you stand like that or what is wrong with your back. People don't understand that this type of comments hurts. I am 27 years old. I can't even go out on dates or approach someone because i am afraid that they will be disgusted.
What should i do? I am worried that if i do another surgery, i will be paralyzed for life. I can't even go to the doctors to have it checked out because i don't even have health insurance anymore.
I have spoken to the doctors that did the surgery and they keep insisting that if they straighten my back more then the chest form will look weird as i have an oversized chest (if this is true). I don't know if these are excuses, if they are scared or if it's the trueth.
My family says, the only problem you have is that you have no confidence and that you care to much about what other people thinks. This could be true but when you haven't been through the same thing then you have no right to make statements like this. I just want my back to be 100% straight.
If you have any suggestions on what i should do then please do let me know, i am just about willing to do anything because as much as i have done good things for the past 5 years, i have so much things left to do but i feel that this "mental" condition, me being obsessed with this back has gone to far.