Welcome, Friend!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

Veritas-Health LLC has recently released patient forums to our Arthritis-Health web site.

Please visit http://www.arthritis-health.com/forum

There are several patient story videos on Spine-Health that talk about Arthritis. Search on Patient stories
Protect anonymity
We strongly suggest that members do not include their email addresses. Once that is published , your email address is available to anyone on the internet , including hackers.

All discussions and comments that contain an external URL will be automatically moved to the spam queue. No external URL pointing to a medical web site is permitted. Forum rules also indicate that you need prior moderator approval. If you are going to post an external URL, contact one of the moderators to get their approval.
Attention New Members
Your initial discussion or comment automatically is sent to a moderator's approval queue before it can be published.
There are no medical professionals on this forum side of the site. Therefore, no one is capable or permitted to provide any type of medical advice.
This includes any analysis, interpretation, or advice based on any diagnostic test


BeingBBeing Posts: 5
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:56 AM in Chronic Pain
For 22 years, I've been living with chronic pain trying to find causes and ways to alleviate the symptoms, in the hope it will get all better someday. But, throughout the years with endless stream of visits to doctors and treatments (every modern medicine and alternative), albeit moments of respite it only got worse, slowly but surely.

As a matter of fact, so many countless dark and torturous moments, only the idea of death somehow calmed me to the next small break. Now I know I will not get better. 22 years of experience taught me that. No, I am not depressed. Indescribably frustrated and yes, saddened. Knowing with certainty death is coming, and when it finally does I will be deliriously happy.

To anyone who takes time reading this, thanks. I just wanted to talk to someone who might be listening.



  • There are plenty of members here whom will read this. Pain does and can take the zest of life right out of you. But, the only thing I know to do daily is to get back up and fight again. While I am not sure by your post what kind of pain you have, sounds like you have had some treatments. Most of us in chronic pain the treatments only give a break from the pain, but then I welcome every break I get, even if, it is only a day, two or week. It never goes away, but just becomes manageable for those moments in time. Do you keep journals of the pain and what your doing, and the treatments that do help some? Do you share those with the doctors, so they can tweak the meds with that information. For example some meds may actually make the pain worse if it is the wrong pain, why the journaling is so important, so the doctor can see it. I also keep a to do list to make sure i get up everyday and do something, while not much at least I have a goal for the day.

    One thing to know and understand is everyone here understands and gets being in pain daily and how hard it can be. Some adjust better to it, while others are still working on it. Have you looked into joining a pain support group, at the local hospital? Sometimes it helps to talk to other people in the same situation, and know your not the only one going through this. Till you have been in chronic pain it is kind of hard to understand, but we all get it, and so will a support group where you have face to face contact with others.
  • I couldnt say it any better than Tamtam. Like she said, I don't know your pain.
    But, you sound so sad. People care, I wish I could gave you a gentle hug.
    Try to do as Tamtam said. It will help. We care!!! Brenda
  • Hang in there. I know its no fun. Just take it a day a time. There are too many things to live for.
  • Hi, tamtam, brenda and cezeude. Thanks for your kind words. I've always said 'the cup is half full'... but it's impossible to keep up the facade when the bottom of the cup is showing.
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,842
    You need to continue to looking at life as being half full and not half empty.

    There are always certain things in life that we can not change, but what happens in between, we have the power to influence how we live day to day.

    I doubt seriously if other chronic pain patients who have been dealing with this for over 30 years would still be around today if it wasnt for the fact that they never gave up.

    I have never given up, nor will I ever. My cup is not only half full, its over three quarters full all the time and more is being added each day.

    No matter what problems we have faced, we always have
    the power to decide how it is going to direct our lives. I live in chronic pain every day, I hate it, I hate the "beast" that stepped in the way. As much as the chronic pain beast tries to wear us down day by day, I know I still have a few tricks and I am sure you do also on how to let the beast know who we are and what we are.

    I'm alive, I breath, I see, I hear, I walk, well not as good as before, but I will take any of these over the dark alternatives.

    Death as a welcomed event? Nope, not in my cards and I hope more and more people will view it that way.

    Its all about Life and Living
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • Degenerative Disc Disease with Sciatica
    Adhesive Capsulitis (Frozen Shoulders)
    Photosensitivity (allergic to sunlight)
    Post Herpetic Neuralgia
    Chronic Sinusitis
    Hypothyroidism (controlled with synthroid)

    Only able to walk or stand or sit for 2 or 3 minutes before pain becomes intense. Been able to sit on a chair with icepack for the past several years. Been trying to walk at night if possible but it becomes harder and harder because of migrating attacks of pains to hips, thighs and legs. Difficulty lifting arms and moving shoulders. Eating has become such a chore, I'd rather go without... trying to have 2 meals a day but I could do with just one meal.

    Frequent rashes and blisters triggered by pains and stress that never heals except by using topicort (prescribed ointment). Excruciating pains in my sinus accompanied by bleeding.

    Don't think I haven't tried everything. Seen every specialists I can think of(Orthopedic Surgeon, specialists for Back, Ear Nose, Infectious disease, allergist, Psychiatrist etc) along with physical therapy, alternative medicine. No doctor recommends surgery for my back because nobody really knows exactly what the cause is.

    I've never been a big eater - love vegetables and fruits, didn't care for meat much, not big on sweets either. Never smoked or drink alcohol related beverages. Never been sick until all this started (22 or 23 years ago). Always been slender, weight pretty much stay around 110 to 113. I still continue to take plenly of vitamins and herbs everyday with every meal.

    I certainly believe in preciousness of life and love all that is possible. I've been a beliver that a strong will can overcome anything, and that's how I lived my life. My life has not been easy one even before the illness started but I always knew how to find happiness in every small things the life has given me.

    Like I said, I am not depressed. But, it seems like I am running out of life's pleasure. And when there is nothing left to enjoy, it should end... don't you think? I do not believe in hanging on to life for just the sake of hanging on. What's the point in that?
  • Wow. Yes its rough. I am also over 20 something years in pain. I stoped counting once i realised its half my life in pain and why keep track any further once it becomes most of your life.

    I see you learned to somehow deal with this for many years as i have in some degree.
    Yes it sucks and it dont feel we deserve this and just like me ,you learned to enjoy the very simple things in life that most regular people dont even notice prety much.

    I agree with you on its sometimes hard to hang on and knowing we seen every specialist on earth and there is no fix. And i agree with you we are not always depressed or suffer from depresssion just cause we see our life in true light of what it is.

    As hard as its become have you noticed how even just seeing the the seasons change and knowing we are still alive and seeing the events take place in the world and all thats hapening in this world makes it worth it.

    We found pleasures out of the smalles things in life. I been enjoying just watching this stupid 100 year old tree grow and waiting when it will finaly fall on my house at the next storm. Because when this sucker comes down i am hauling my spiney criple ass jumping out the front window..

    If they can no longer do surgery on your spine as with me and pain is that bad have they not recomended pain pump or anything like rhe scs for pain control.?

    None of us asked to have to live like this and it sucks but more so when you thinking about what i should be doing at my age if i did not have this condition. Then it becomes an emotional torture. I still do it i am not going to lie that i dont.

    Then you come back to reality ok this is what it is and i have to make the best out of a worse situation. Siting outside when the weather is nice helps clear the stress listening to the birds.

    Life becomes very slow and pain stops us from the activity we got use to before this pain conditions. So trust me many here can relate to what you are saying.

    I dont like to use the saying glass half empty or half full as i see others use. It just reminds me of the good old days enjoying life going to bars. Hey barteneder another round please. Cant you see my glass is half empty darrn it,
    Flexicore ADR 2004 resulting nerve damage l4l5 Fusion 2006 same level, 2009 hardware removal with lami !
    2012 scs implant ,
  • MetalneckMetalneck Island of Misfit toysPosts: 1,364
    half empty or half full- Its the wrong size.

    Right size your life - Right size your expectations.

    Wear life like a loose garment, Find the right sized glass.

    Life is best lived on lifes terms - not ours.

    Try to not swim against the tide, but with it - you maybe amazing where you wind up.

    Spine-health Moderator
    Welcome to Spine-Health  Please read the linked guidelines!!

  • Sorry to hear you've had pain for so long. I also have DDD with sciatica. Keep looking for a Dr. or Physiotherapist to help. Right now I'm seeing a Chiropractor, not for adjustments but for inferential treatments on my neck, lower back and knee as well as ultrasound treatment for neck and knee from a fall I had plus arthritis.
    I'm going for medical laser treatment for my lower back also.

    Have you tried aquatherapy with a Physiotherapist yet? They even have aquafit exercise class for arthritis and you can find a place from the Arthritis society and it's been known to help even if you don't have arthritis for chronic pain conditions.

    Can you use a walker to walk better or even getting a scooter so you can get around? You can even ask your Dr. to admit you in a rehab center to help improve your condition. I know it's hard but try to live one day at a time and try and pace yourself.

    Have you tried to get home physiotherapy? I have to come to Spine Health daily and get encouragement from others as I've had friends and extended family not calling anymore and people here 'get it'

    Just wanted to Welcome you and validate what you wrote. You're not just a number here and we care. Saying a prayer for you and thinking healing thoughts. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • I am so sorry to hear how badly you feel, emotionally and physically, and I hate to say I can relate. I get so tired of thinking I am taking one step forward when I am actually taking two steps backwards. It just had to drop my insurance and now am hoping to someday get on medicaid. I went to my doctor on Monday and he upped my meds. I am going to try to get to the pharmacy this morning to get them. One of my biggest problems with having a life, or I should say my 2 biggest problems are sitting and driving. I have to sit to drive, plus driving still scares me most of the time. I am in pain all the time and am so tired of it. Most of my family will have nothing to do with me and call me a druggie, yet none of them have a clue as to what is wrong with my spine and what surgeries I have had nor what medicines I take. I do try to downplay my pain to my parents as they are elderly and can't understand how come the surgeries didn't end the pain. I am 60 years old and still have never had any alcohol, smoked anything, or taken any illegal drugs in my life. I consider myself lucky after reading how long you have had your chronic pain. Mine has only been for 8 years. It has to be extra hard to be allergic to the sun. I don't get out often, but when I do I love the sun. I will drive with the top down on my car to the pharmacy 2 miles away this morning to get some sunlight. I live in Vegas, so there is a lot of it. I will be praying for you and others in this group thanking God that we at least have each other. This group and certain people in it have really helped me many times. Please feel free to write whatever you are feeling here.

  • Smell of freshly brewed coffee
    Sound of a child's laugh
    An excellent book that's half-finished
    Wind moving through branches
    Fluttering wings of a butterfly
    Mozart's Horn Concerto No. 2
    Beginning of unfolding rose petals
    A humble man's small smile
    Seashore on a stormy day
    Rainbows in soap bubbles
    Romantic Dreams
    Pat Metheny's San Lorenzo
    New leaves on rain soaked tree
    always, Rain.
This discussion has been closed.
Sign In or Register to comment.