Just writing because I need feed back. My life is spinning out of control in a downward spiral. I am ashamed to say I don't take care of my grooming anymore, I have started missing appointments, and I sleep as much as possible. I had two spine surgeries last year (2010) the last being in December.
I can't help but feel that my pain meds ( Ocycodone) is causing me to be severely depressed and lack the ability or desire to do anything. I am only taking 60 mgs a day down from a high of 120mgs a day right after surgery and I cut back on my own to 50 mgs, not back up to 60mgs a day.
I am not suicidal, but I am hopeless and don't see how things will improve. I have experimented and the only time I got a mood bump is if I take a higher dose of pain meds, like 20 to 25 mgs at one time gives me a 2 to 3 hour mood boost. Not sure how to see that though.
I am dependant, but not an addict by definition since I do not over take, run out before the due date, or any other acting out type of activity. I do take an anti depressant which I have taken for about 12 years now called Luvox and I take anti anxiety meds in small doses, Klonopin and Ativan.
I am telling you all this because I am desperate for some imput. I look like a homeless person, I've gained weight, don't groom, don't leave the house, and don't seem to want too. I have a family that loves me but doesn't seem to know how to help me. I live with my wife who works, no kids in the house all grown and on their own thank God.
Any questions, ideas or suggestions please speak up. I was suppose to go to the VA psych ward on Monday morning but I chickened out because it's a miserable hell hole. I live in Cincinnati, Oh, but I wish I lived in Cleveland so I could go to the Cleveland Clinic for help.
My surgeon wants me to try more injections and perhaps a stimulator implant before we consider another surgery which he feels would only have a 50% of improvent from my current condition. My surgeon is great, my pain doc is hard to reach, really hard except on appointment day. I am afraid to tell him something too negative about the pain meds for fear I'll be left with nothing and then I don't know what I would do because I don't handle the pain well.
Please give me some feed back and ideas. You guys have always been great. Thank you all in advance.