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Working with chronic pain is killing me!- any support would be appreciated

oonamilkooonamilk Posts: 62
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:57 AM in Chronic Pain
Hello wonderful spine Health people.

My low back is a mess. I am in so much back and leg pain, that i feel like i'm on the brink of crying most of the time. But i have a young daughter, so most of the time i'm sucking it up and trying to act like nothing's wrong, for her sake. She has started saying her back hurts, which breaks my heart, and asking daddy when the doctors will fix mommy. both of which just make me feel guilty.

I work a full time desk job (software engineer for online fashion retailer). Sitting in that desk is what kills me more than anything. it hurts so much. I move a cm in one direction the wrong way and get a lightning bolt of pain shooting though my body. It is wearing me out. I am in so much pain by the end of the day after working and commuting, that when I get home I just want to take pain meds and go to sleep. I don't have any life left in me for my family. I feel like I'm a complete failure as a mother and a wife.

I know you guys know what I am talking about when I say the pain is so intense it makes my scalp tingle.
Also, I work for a fashion company. and as a woman at a fashion company, I can tell you I don't feel very fashionable walking round the office with a droppy foot.
:-)

Is anybody else out there working a 9-6 when you are burning in pain inside and just want it to end?!? IT's killing me. I feel like it is literally killing me. pushing all day through so much pain just to work and bring home a paycheck to my family.
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Comments

  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 5,233
    However, I had to call it quits.
    I tried for couple years, and with that had weeks of time off during the year due to poor health and pain.

    I had to stop. That same week I saw a disability attorney and was accepted within 6 months.

    It's not easy not working, for a variety of reasons.. but taking care of myself is indeed a full time job.

    God bless your efforts and however you are able to manage!
    Sue
    Spine-Health Moderator
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

  • I am sorry.. I know how you feel. I was so depressed and I thought I was going to have to quit my job as a restaurant manager.

    I was lucky to have surgery and although it was only about 3 months ago I consider it to be a success.

    Are you in a pain management program? Have you tried any pain medications or nerve pain medications? Have you tried physical therapy or injections? Consulted with a surgeon?

    Wait... It looks like you may be having surgery this month?
    ACDF C4-5 June 23rd, 2011

    Another surgery in the near future. I am 26 years old.

    Current Meds- Norco 7.5/325, Cymbalta 60mg, Gabapentin, Adderall 20mg
  • After my second surgery (fusion of L4-L5-S1), I was able to work for another 2 years as a paralegal, only with the help of a good pain management professional. I can relate to your comment of having to sit all day and the increase in pain it causes. I finally had to give up working after being rear-ended in 2008, causing more damage to my spine. My best suggestion is that you try to move around as much as possible. Sitting in one place for any length of time always seems to make the pain worse. As far as feeling worthless, I had gotten to the point in the past where I actually tried to commit suicide. Finally, I started seeing a psychiatrist for the depression, and realized that none of this was my fault. I didn't ask for this, and neither did you. If you are not on an antidepressant, you may want to consider it-I know it has helped me. Good luck and God Bless.
  • After my second surgery (fusion of L4-L5-S1), I was able to work for another 2 years as a paralegal, only with the help of a good pain management professional. I can relate to your comment of having to sit all day and the increase in pain it causes. I finally had to give up working after being rear-ended in 2008, causing more damage to my spine. My best suggestion is that you try to move around as much as possible. Sitting in one place for any length of time always seems to make the pain worse. As far as feeling worthless, I had gotten to the point in the past where I actually tried to commit suicide. Finally, I started seeing a psychiatrist for the depression, and realized that none of this was my fault. I didn't ask for this, and neither did you. If you are not on an antidepressant, you may want to consider it-I know it has helped me. Good luck and God Bless.
  • I know how you feel. I can offer a few suggestions.

    1- get an ergonomic chair for work. My employer came and did an assessment and the new chair makes a difference. I notice that I started a trend...several folks now have the same chair as me.

    2- if you can have your work station a flexible one, do it. I have mine set up so I can sit or stand. Standing take a toll on me but again, others picked up my set up and told me to have a spare pair of comfy shoes at my desk for when I stand.

    3- drink water so you are forced to walk a little every hour.

    It only helps a bit but every little bit helps.
  • Its no fun to hurt and have to sit. I am in chronic pain but thankfully I don't have a sitting job. Moving is the only thing that saves me.

    Look into everything you can. When I was recovering from one of my surgeries and did have a sitting job til I could return to my regular job I sat on a physio ball and then my employer got me a kneeling chair.

    Physical therapy, cortisone injections, talk to your doctor to make sure you are doing everything you can.

    Get up and walk as often as you can.

    Good luck, keep us posted and know you are not alone and not a failure!!

    L4/L5 laminectomy, L4/L5 360 fusion with instrumentation, L1 to L5 fusion, L5/S1 fusion w/ disc replacement, left and right SI joints fused.
  • I also work in a office and most days go to the restroom and cry because of the sharp shooting pain in my legs , and like you said when you get home you are so tired you just want to sleep, some days I get home at 5pm and go to sleep and dont get back up, I also have a child at home and a grandchild and I am not able to hold him much and I dont even want to go anywhere anymore so with that sweety you are not alone please remember that on those days somewhere someone feels just like you and spine health is a freat place to vent, I know that doesnt help the pain but at least there are so many others going through the same thing..God bless you
  • I can relate. My full-time job is 90% sitting at a computer. Althought it is not the lumbar region I have problems with it still takes its toll on me. I do feel basically stuck where I'm at.

    I do feel like a failure as a dad at times due to the pain zaping most or all of my energy.

    As alone as we may feel in our situations, the truth is there are many dealing with the same issues.
  • It does zap your energy and it also takes it toll on our kids even if we dont relize , I found out some time ago my son was suffering depression from my back problem , he knows the pain that I am in and I never knew how much it was bothering him..
  • I can totally relate! I had to quit my job as an RN on a busy cardiac unit, because I was unable to meet the physical requirements of the job. I took a job as a pediatrics nurse, but even that I could not keep up with after a couple of months. I finally found a full-time desk job, which I am absolutely grateful for, but many days even that is too much. Thankfully it's only 3 days a week, but 2 of them are 12-hour shifts, which can be painful and exhausting. However, my job is very flexible, so I am able to get up and stretch and walk around as I need to, which certainly helps. I love my job and I hope to stay there for a long time to come, but I often wonder if my dreams are realistic. I am facing another possible surgery, probably in early 2012, and I worry about how I'll feel after that. Then again, perhaps the surgery will truly be successful and will help with my pain and not create a new pain. In that case, then I feel better about the future.
  • Oh, can I relate! Following an auto accident, I spent more than 20 years living in chronic pain which grew worse every year. Doctors told me, "Learn to live with it."

    For years, I did live with it. I worked freelance, so I could control when and how many hours I worked. And I spent every dollar I earned on ergonomic chairs, a special bed, chiropractic, massage and other therapies which never did more than let me get through the next week. It was a tortured merry-go-round that came to an end in 2009 when I read a book by Professor/Dr. xxx, "Forever Free From Chronic Pain."

    Professor xxx is not a clinician. He is a medical researcher who spent 40 years searching for the source of chronic pain and developing a therapy to cure it. I read his book three times, then scheduled a phone consultation with him and sent him all my xrays.

    It took a lot of courage for me to believe the claims xxx made. I'd come to have no faith in doctors at all. But I was desperate. In fact I was near to suicide. So in 2010, when Professor/Dr. xxx confirmed that he could treat me long distance, I began xxx Propriocpetive Therapy. Everything Professor/Dr. xxx told me has proven to be absolutely true and a year later, my life has been transformed. Absolutely transformed.

    Professor/Dr. xxx has two no-cost reports available that explain his work.
    And his book is available at Amazon.

    I encourage anyone suffering from all-over, chronic muscle and joint pain to learn about the work of Professor/Dr. xxx. And I wish more doctors would learn about it, too. It would be a mercy if they would stop telling people like me that we must "learn to live with it."


    Post Edited by Tam for Doctors names and soliciting.
  • for your support and thoughtful words.

    I'm having ALIF on Oct 19, I hope it helps. I'm taking leave from my job for the surgery, but as the family breadwinner, this is stressful, as disability income will be quite a bit less than my regular pay.

    Which is why I work... ugh.

    Thanks for reminding me that a lot of people are going through this, too.
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    Post Edited by Authority Member Liz
  • Gabapentin worked for me but you have to take it gradually to increase the dose and gradually decrease
    the dose to come of it. I took it short term which allowed me to increase mobility with a herniated disc.
    I stopped taking them gradually as with all medications
    they can have side effects or addiction. One must
    research the internet for information on prescription drugs and not simply reply on them. Pain relief management is important not pain relief reliance.
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