Okay, ...those of you on here for say... 6 months or more, know me as a pretty positive, and supportive, outgoing type. I have a sort of 'big' surgery in 3 days, and *I* am good with it, but..... My hubby (I can see the stress beyond the normal), my friends, and then the push for basically a "DNR" if the stuff hits the fan - I guess that bulls-eyes the seriousness? I have already been affixed with my surgical admittance tags on my arm (yeah...gotta keep em dry till Tues morn!! [G]).
I should be asleep many hours ago, but my stupid brain won't shut up!!!! I saw the pain tonight when my hubby read the "Advanced Directive" paperwork, and why it was "suggested"... I saw his hurt - even though we have been through (err...heheh me, have been through might not make it surgeries before). That is killing me right now! Like a member put on here... dying is easy, "We do it once, and someone else cleans up the mess. " So true!! Our family of course isn't in that same boat... but I do love that statement. The "ouch" on my hubby (crying or tearing as I type this....) is killing me more than the damn surgery!!!
It is the emotional side. Lol, he is GREAT financially if I kick before him, but we are best buds, lovers and confidants... so to see his "doubts, worries, fears" in his face, damn...it so painfully hurts - more than this bloody surgery. Sorry, he and are what is called "soul mates"... It is killing me... sorry, just so uuuuunnn-happy for HIM right now. Whaaa.... Thanks for listening. This in not my "normal me"...
PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.