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zigazziga Posts: 143
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:57 AM in Depression and Coping
Hi, I have posted several times. I think I need help. I am lowering my klonopin dose and going to a psychologist every Friday. I had a lot of emotional situations before surgery. It's been 8 month, don't live in a stable place, no energy to organize my place. All the things that are in my room in my mom's house reminds me of a near better past. I have things in my old house, in my moms house and in my friend house were I am staying. I have try planning, going to Tai chi 2 days a week.

I have had antidepressive that made it worst. I feel lost, interest in nothing and sad because of no interest. I was very dynamic and happy and this feel so strange. I think
I need to be in a program where I can relearn and organize myself. I feel with no motivation at all, don't know where to start, how to plan.

All the places I liked reminds me of a better past... I don't know what to do. I did not feel so down before surgery, I haven't met anyone that experiment this like this so I feel worst. I see all of you trying to get better and must in a positive way. I know I have to accept, but how?

I don't know just want any suggestion of an alternative mental hospital if any.




  • Sorry to hear you're feeling down. I haven't had surgery but have felt depressed with chronic pain everyday and have had to try a couple of anti-depressants for one that will help. Do they have a chronic support group at your Pain Management's office or would your Psychologist be able to help you find one or refer you to a Psychiatrist or consider an inpatient or outpatient hospital group?

    It's good you're going for Tai Chi for exercise. I wish you had a stable home where you could relax in.

    It's hard to adjust if you're not able to get around like you used to and have my own issues getting organized but having a small goal everyday may help you get things done but if you can't do it try and get family to come and help you or just spend 15 minutes a day getting organized and if you can't always meet that daily goal not to be hard on yourself.

    I take things one day at a time and always have hope that it will get better and will find a Dr. to help with my back issues.

    Let your Dr. know you're finding it hard to manage things and there's always distress lines if you feel really bad. I come here often as I do feel alone in this chronic pain and I feel better after. Never give up as technology is advancing and there may be a solution for our pain issues. I always take a pain med when I do anything physical so I can get things done and it helps when you're having less pain.

    Can you write a little in your signature line so we know more of your history? Take care and keep us posted how you're doing. Praying you will feel better. Charry

    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 5,427
    Sorry for what you're going through. It's so good you are continueing to search for answers and never give up.

    I had 2 times in my life that I went in for 2 weeks of intense day program therapy. ..'94 and '07.

    Giving up 2 weeks of my life to try and regain it was so worth it to me.
    They gave me a lot of things to actually do...to help combat my thoughts and not judgemental at all. Both times..I was so honest..thought I'd get kicked out...you know..like if they really knew me..but the help and guidance was huge.

    When I tried to "do more and be more" on my own..my depression so much worse.

    And medication is so trial and try again.

    For me..it's a constant struggle..even today.. with meds and tools I learned with therapy.

    Since this is all a new feeling for you...not what you were before...odds are pretty good you just need help with like...transition with your situations.. a little "reboot" to get back to your normal.

    Again, the intense day program..a God send to me. It's good you continue talk with doc. Maybe something like that..a break from life..to focus on life..would benefit you...I dunno..but I would think it could benefit anyone.

    They also look at the everything...your meds.. depression ..yes..but the pain..those meds..relationships...support..any number of ways we can get stuck. And with the intense guidance..well, they showed me perspectives I never knew existed.
    like...I don't know what I don't know...
    Spine-Health Moderator
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

  • Things at your old house and your moms house and friends house where you are staying? Why are you not staying in the old house if its still there? Sorry i am a litle confused about that, Can you explain?

    Also what surgery did you have? And what pain issue do you have? Sorry maybe you posted that info before but i dont remember,

    Pain and depression can be real bad for sure, just have to somehow make small plans each day to just get by to take mind off the pain as much as posible.

    Hobby helps, play instrument you always wanted to posibly learn how to play, Learn how to do the moon walk and break dance. Oh wait nevermind cant do that,
    Flexicore ADR 2004 resulting nerve damage l4l5 Fusion 2006 same level, 2009 hardware removal with lami !
    2012 scs implant ,
  • Wow it is such a long story... I will try to look for a post where a wrote it because I don't want to continue revisiting the story. I lived in a beautiful rented house for 7 years, the first 3 years with a room mate and then with another... she got there because I let her in. I went to NY for treatment and to see if things could go better with my ex, I continue paying my rent when I was there. But when I came back to my house I was in to much physical and mental pain so I went to my grandma's. When finally I could go back to my old house she said she already was use to living alone and I was dealing with a very intense process.

    Although the contract was in my name I understood, and did not say but... the house is in my name and it is still but now I have no money and well suddenly little by little from being a woman with a house, studies, a love life, a job there is a woman confused moving from house to house trying to understand what went on. Uff I'll explain better later... I wrote an introduction but I will post here better details.

    Thanks for asking,

  • Well I wish I could laugh as I used to do... but literally... for a strange reason I guess since they move your throat I can't laugh as before, I cry a lot but is far way different also. And you may say well is different yes but since I am so sensitive I feel that when I cry my emotions don't go out as I am accustomed so something is left behind as well as when I laugh, is so weird.

    I haven't seen my friends in a while... I want to see them but at the same time I don't want... ok that's all for today.

  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 5,427
    ..common thing with our pain. ..want to see our friends but not.
    I hope it's not too unusual, because I have it too :)

    My thinking on it is that when I see them, I don't have the stamina for the visit or shopping or eating out like before.So when they go home, I am happy to rest up.

    I sorry..don't remember if you are seeing psychiatrist?? It really a must for me.

    I am sensitive too..and I never had surgery..but my voice different. My people tell me. It's like more.. lack of better word..more child like..higher.

    Sometimes we need to get used to a "new me"...but it should not be unhappy place all the time.
    That's why I asked about psychiatrist...to help fix the chemicals..because you can feel better.. emotionally..no matter what else is going on.

    I think of you often and wish you the very best!
    Spine-Health Moderator
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

  • Thank you so much! I went to a psychiatrist. She told me to concentrate on starting the job and finding a place to live. I am slowing klonopin. she said to think about the antidepressive but that scares me because I think does were the ones that get me into the operation. We confused side effects for progression of condition. I am so nervous of not being able to laugh, of feeling weird in the beach the place I love so much, my skin feels so strange. I wish I could be able to kiss a boyfriend without fear. I am so sad for having had this surgery. My neck hurts all the time... I am going crazy with guilt. I am a good person, I just want to work as I used to... I want to feel some bit happy. Why can I not even enjoy a scenery as I used to. I am so scared of not being able to laugh again or ever feel happy.

    I have try to go out, to go to the beach, to visit a friend but I don't get how I get here. I change to much in so little time. All the story of what happened repeats again and again in my head.

    I am sorry you are in pain. Wish you were better.

  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 5,427
    ...your doctor's suggestion for antidepressants.

    Sometimes we may be afraid..or not good experience in past...but with getting better it is always.. try and try and try again.

    When I first started antidepressants..it took awhile for one to work. But then...like the heavyness was lifted and I wished I started taking them when I was younger.

    Mine still need to change periodically because of me becoming used to them..or whatever..I really don't know.

    But I have experienced..like what I believe other people must feel most of the time..happy..less angry and able to enjoy...life and people.

    As you said you feel so much guilt...that's too heavy to carry around all day..everyday.

    And I believe you when you say you're a good person.
    There's a lot on your plate and that gets heavy, too.

    My meds need a change now...and am being reevaluated and so look forward to a new plan to feel better.
    But because I know it's possible to feel better.. I keep trying.

    Since you don't have that experience..you can borrow mine. :) and trust that with trial and try again.. you can feel better!

    Take care, Ziga!
    Oh, and a little p.s....It took me about 20 minutes to write this post....my concentration...also, not so good...

    Spine-Health Moderator
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

  • Thank you Savage for taking the time to help me. Wow I really don't know if I can reconsider antidepressants. I think I need to walk everyday or some kind of exercise. I have to try that first before antidepressants, because I hate the side effects I have had.


    But thanks

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