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Husband is refusing to go the ER?

rdavis46rrdavis46 Posts: 33
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:58 AM in Back Surgery and Neck Surgery
Good morning everyone,

My husband had his decompression and L4-L5 fusion on Oct 24th they also took out his old screws from L5-S1. He was only in the hospital for 5 days he was demanding to be release he refuse to go to inpatient rehab. He had his staples removed they said everything was fine. He been falling. He took a fall before we seen his surgeon on Thursday then he almost fell with his walker when we were walking out of the office to the waiting room. I was able to get him to sit on his walker since it has a seat. He had to do this twice before we got to the waiting room. The surgeon had us go to the hospital for blood work said it didn't look that bad on the outside but wants to check to see if he has infection since I told him he was having fevers between 99 to 101. The incision is healing but has some redness and swelling. I take daily pictures of it and it gives me a clear picture that I can't see with my own eyes. Able to blow it up to see it better. The surgeon also fax over an order for ultrasound to have them check for fluid in his back and if he did they were to drain it and send it out to the lab to see what it is. Well the hospital didn't call until Friday and now got to wait until Thursday to have this test. Crazy isn't it! By then his infection could spread. Don't know why he didn't do a stat on it! The office call me back on Friday ask me where he had done the blood work which was the hospital right across the street from the surgeon office. They told me they are trying to track it down and call me back. But never got that call back either. ugh
Saturday his fevers were running 101 to 102.6. He still refusing to go to the hospital. He also fell yesterday morning as well he trip over our dog with his walker. He didn't tell him to move out of his way he try barging thru with his walker so trip with the walker and fell on top of me I was sitting at my desk on the computer and eating my cereal. He never told me that he hurt himself. I help him up but he kept it from me. I would of taken him to the hospital immediately. He did tell me later and ask for ice packs. His pain in his legs were gone a week ago and now it is back as well as the hip pain. He may of screw something up. But how do I convince him to go to the hospital??? He is a grown man I can't force him to go. I am practially begging him to go. It just breaks my heart to see him in so much pain and the fever really is a big concern for me. He barely ate yesterday the only thing he ate was a banana and try to eat soup and scramble eggs but only took a bite of each but ate the whole banana. I did get down one of my protein drinks has 17 gms of protein, no sugar and lots of vitamins.
I got up at 5 am and felt his body it was very hot to the touch. So I got out the new ear therometer and took his temp it was 104 check it again 103 and hanging now around 102.6 which the advil help I didn't want to give him tyenol because his percocets have that in them. I keep telling him he needs to let me take him to the hospital or call and ambulance to take him. I don't want anything to happen to him if that happens I would blame myself because I couldnt' get him there in time. His family would blame me as well. We will be married 25 yrs on Dec 18th and I know the best and know how stubborn he can be.
We have 2 teens with special needs. Our 14 yr daughter doesn't understand what is going on and doens't show any empathy and son is 17 he is so worried about his dad keeps asking me why wont' he go to the hospital. They both have autism and bipolar. They ge the bipolar from him. He also has diabtes and was taken off his metformin week before surgery due to his creatine being to high. They had him on insulin in the hospital but only if his blood sugars were over 150 so sometimes he need it and sometimes he dont. His blood sugar at home been high 150 to 299 they were in the 200's couple days ago yesterday they were were running in the 150's or just little higher. His morning blood sugar was 197 which is high with no food in him. And yesterday barely ate and still his sugars were over 150's. I need to check his blood pressure if he lets me. I know on Thursday when we were at the surgeon office it was 105/50 that is low! He usually has high blood pressure and is on meds for that.
His pillows are completely soak again seems been doing alot of laundry due to the sweats he gets from the fevers when they begin to break. But then they go back up again. He keeps telling me that he is fine. How can you be fine I can hear you moan in your sleep and talking in your sleep but you are not making any sense. That is another thing we notice he makes no sense when he is awake says weird things and then forgets in the middle of his sentence what he said and then often falls asleep while he is talking. It is not every day but it is when he is not feeling well. As a few days after he got home he start to do things around the house he is kind of guy who never sits still he has ocd when it comes to keeping our house clean. It bugs him so much the first day home kids left the ketchup out he had to get up and put it away and the do the dishes. When in the hospital he try getting out of bed and bend down to pick up something he drop off the floor. So when I wasn't there I told the nurse to put the alarm on because he will do things like he isn't suppose to do. They want him not to bed, twist or lift for 3 months. Well that is impossible when he won't listen. The only thing he does listen to is no lifting no more than a gallon of milk. But now with the fall he must of twist his back when he landed in my lap. It was a good thing i broke his fall he would of been impossible to get off the floor. We have his 23 yr nephew staying with us. He keeps the house clean, helps me with the kids, dogs and my husband. When I am not there he makes sure to watch him for me. He helps him put up his legs or get things for him. He had to pick him off the floor a few days ago just before we saw the surgeon because I yell at him and said where is your walker he left by the recliner and he was in the kitchen. So he went to walk for it and down he went. He thinks because he legs felt better that he will do without the walker but keep telling him the walker needs to be your best friend never walk without it and use that brace all the time unless in bed. He hates using it. But if he didnt have it on when he falls he would of been having more problems. His back pain has increase since he fell on me and now it down the right hip and leg. Now I am afraid to leave to go anywhere. And with this fever and him not letting me to take him to the hospital. Tomorrow I am suppose go the hospital for my stomach procedure but I need a ride from a friend or family member but one friend who usually takes me both of her cars are down. So trying to find another ride but with the way he is I may need to cancel. And they won't do the procedure unless have a ride. They will cancel if I don't. But maybe it is not a good time for me to have this even though I would be home in 3 to 4 hours but what if I need to take him to the er I am not able to drive for 24 hours because of the sedation. My husband health comes first. I am thinking of not going to the gym this morning because I want to convince him to go to the hospital. I want to call his surgeon but know he will get mad at me if I did and he tells me to take him to the hospital immediately. Heck the surgeon might even yell at me for not calling sooner or taking him to the hospital.
I am just torn what to do. I don't care if he gets mad at
me I am trying to help him get better. He should of taken up the nurse his primary dr offer him when he refuse the inpatient rehab. He could of had a nurse come here daily to check on him. But he seems to depend on myself and his nephew to care of him. And all we do is worry about him. he also devolping a cough hope he doesnt' have pneumonia on top of back infection too. he will never get well if we don't get him there. Any ideas on how to convince him to go to the hospital to at least get him check out and maybe some antibotics heck some iv antibotics right away. Maybe they will admit him even if he dont' want it. Because he is risking his health. He is 49 yr old with health issues I dont' want my husband to get worst. I have so much on my plate right now. I don't have time for myself since I am taking care of him and the family. I am exhausted.


  • There should be an answering service for your husband's surgeon's office. I would suggest possibly a call to the answering service to let them know about the fever, falling, pain and confusion your husband is suffering. They may be able to convince your husband to go to the hospital and pre-warn the ER that he is coming.

    I've had to lay it on the line with my husband in the past and let him know that I am not ready to lose him because he was too stubborn to go to the doc. It seems that the reality of my fear combined with how my husband was feeling was enough to get him to the hospital. Maybe something like that will work with your hubby.

    Keep us posted on how he is doing.

    Kindest Regards,

  • I personally would call the Surgeon who are on call 24/7 or there's someone there. A high temperature can be dangerous you're right and not only that him falling on you and not even caring he could fall on his daughter then what? As an ER RN I would encourage you to call the Surgeon's office and hand him the phone. At a temperature of 104f he may not be even thinking clearly.

    Why's he so afraid of going to ER? They should be doing blood cultures on him when he gets there with a high fever. Tell him I said he should go and he will be better off just to check things out. Hugs. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • with Charry, I would definately give the surgeon's office a call. Having such a high temperature is his body's way of saying that something is not right.

    With the falls as well, this is something more than you should be dealing with on your own. I know that you said that he won't go, and will be angry, but I would definately call right away, once he speaks with them, hopefully he will agree to go.

    Please keep us updated. Thinking of you.

    >:D< Karen
    >:D< >:-D< : Karen
    L3-S1 herniation and bulges, stenosis, mod facet,ddd,impinged nerves,coccydinia
    discectomy/lami July 2011-unsuccessful
    adr L5-S1 Feb 2012
  • He has pneumonia, incison infection and they said it was causing septic shock (infection start to enter his blood stream) They said if I didn't take him in like I did he would be in fighting for his life. His blood pressure was 79/49 even drop from that 70 something over 48.. They gave him 3 bags of iv fluids still the blood pressure would not go up. 2 bags of antibotics and still wasn't helping so they had to put a cath in his neck and give him meds to up his blood pressure I had to leave the room as they had to do in sterile environment.

    They admitted him to the Neurosurgery ICU been at the hospital for 12 hours and I still can't sleep worried about him. His blood pressure was finally up when I left his diabetes was high they got him on insulin pump going to his iv.

    The chest xray show pneumonia they also think he has infection under the skin and may need to operate again and go in and drain it and put a drain tube in as well. they did ultrasound today as well. So now they will be checking with surgeon tomorrow if they are going to drain it.

    They told me I save my husband life. If he didn't come in he would be fighting for his life. They power house with fluids and antibotics. They were fast and quick they took him first before others who been waiting after they say his blood pressure they wheel him back immediately. team starting working on him as soon as he got him to the room and usually don't let others back there until they get him done with but they let me because he wasn't able to answer there questions and not responding well. falling asleep alot. He thought he was going home after all the test. That was last thing he said oh I should be getting out of here soon almost done with all the test. The dr came in and told me by the way your husband has to stay! And then the admitting dr and surgeon assistant came in and all agree he need to be admitted. So that is the scoop for now and it is 1 am and got to be up by 430 to get the kids off to school. And I want to be up at the hospital early too so I can talk to the doctors as well. He dont' remember what they talk about or don't know the answers to the questions. he don't even know his meds except for his pain meds and allergic to sulfa after i remind me him over and over with that.
  • Phew glad you took control of the situation in time!

    Hope this will convince your old man to pay attention to what people are saying to him.

    Us men are the WORST for accepting we need help. Must be some caveman legacy or something.

    A MRSA infection in a chest drain earned me a 16 WEEK stay in hopsital so I know about consequences.

    It sounds like your husband is receiving good care and I hope everything works out fine and he has LEARNT HIS LESSON.

    Well done!

    I'm not young enough to know everything - Oscar Wilde
  • Thanks Mick good to get a guy opinion out there he hates hosptials, doctors, etc. Even his dr said we men hate doctors and he is a dr wow he said that. He hates when I am right but it was motherly instincts that kicks in! Sometimes I feel I have 3 kids instead of 2 lol He is worst than taking our two teens to the dr or hospital. Just glad he is stable but still can't sleep and its 2 am already. I just call and talk to the nurse he is doing much better and is stable gave him pain meds and he is resting peacefully.

  • that you brought your husband in. I am so glad that you did. You both have been in my thoughts and I don't know how I missed your update, as I was looking for one.

    How is he doing today? Hope that they were able to get everything under control with blood pressure, diabetes, and infection.

    I know that it must be hard with him being admitted, but it truly is the best place for him now.

    How are you holding up? My heart has been going out to you, and all that you too have been going through.

    You both continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

    >:D< Karen
    >:D< >:-D< : Karen
    L3-S1 herniation and bulges, stenosis, mod facet,ddd,impinged nerves,coccydinia
    discectomy/lami July 2011-unsuccessful
    adr L5-S1 Feb 2012
  • I do have power of attorney but that only when he is not able to make decision himself or fighting for his life. If I could use my power attorney right now I would do it in a heart beat! He needs to listen to the doctors, nurses and myself. We are looking out for his best interest. I keep telling him the sooner you get this done the sooner you can get out of here. if he comes home he could end up back there or wost die from the infection but of course he wasn't listening to me he was aggitated and his anxiety is high. I talk to nurse this morning he had the valium before I left slept good and will get more valium an hour before surgery they move it from 10 to 915. I woke up late my daughter woke me after 6 I had the alarm set for 430 and never heard it unusual for me I don't sleep that hard or long. I went to bed at 1:30 last night the other night was 3 and only slept an hour and half. I mad that i overslept I want to be at the hospital at 7 am but looks like it will be 8 am getting kids ready for school trying to wake his 23 yr nephew to get up so I can leave and he can get the kids on the school bus. The kids are teens but have special needs with autism and bipolar disorder. I dont' leave them alone even though they are 14 and 17 always someone here for him when I can't be. got to eat my raisin brand with banana got some protein shakes, vitamin water and light yogurts pack for my day up at the hospital and protein bars in my purse. and got my ipad2 charge as well as my iphone so I can update online and check my emails as well. going to be a long day his temp was 99.5 he been staying under 100 and sweating alot last night
  • I'm glad you took charge and got him there! Things could have been worse but glad he's now stable and being treated. Hopefully they x-rayed his c-spine area also or did CT to make sure infection not past the skin level. I'm glad you're powered up and have some good proteins to get through the day so you will be with him. I hope you can get some rest there also. If one child is 17 they should be able to help out at home?

    I lived on my own at 17 so they should be okay to manage well and hope they help with the chores. Praying your husband gets better soon although looks like he'll be on IV meds awhile perhaps even when he's stable enough to get home. Take care. Charry

    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Husband in surgery since 930 it's about 11:15 still waiting to hear from his surgeon yet hasn't come out of surgery yet
  • Surgery went well in recovery now waiting for him to go back to his ICU room
  • to hear that the surgery is over and he is in recovery.Did they drain it out and put in a drain tube? Thank goodness you got him in when you did.

    I hope that he agrees to extra help, ie staying longer in hospital, rehab, or in home nursing care this time.

    Please try to get some rest yourself, you must be exhausted! Glad that you have your nephew to help at home.

    All the best!

    >:D< Karen
    >:D< >:-D< : Karen
    L3-S1 herniation and bulges, stenosis, mod facet,ddd,impinged nerves,coccydinia
    discectomy/lami July 2011-unsuccessful
    adr L5-S1 Feb 2012
  • He is back in his ICU room sleeping like a baby
  • He is back in his ICU room sleeping like a baby
  • He is back in his ICU room sleeping like a baby
  • Yes they clean it up drain it and also put in drain he hates when they take it out last one the assistant took it out cause so much pain he refuse to work with her so his surgeon told me after surgery he will be the one taking out the drain
  • Checking in to see how you and your husband are doing. Hope all is going well.

    >:D< Karen
    >:D< >:-D< : Karen
    L3-S1 herniation and bulges, stenosis, mod facet,ddd,impinged nerves,coccydinia
    discectomy/lami July 2011-unsuccessful
    adr L5-S1 Feb 2012
  • My husband finally got home Sunday night at 730 been there since Sunday so a whole week. He didn't get out of ICU until Thursday at 6 pm. he was suppose to come home Saturday but because of high potassium they did not let him come home. I never seen a discharge take so darn long. We should of been out of there earlier in the day. Getting out so late they should of just kept him one more night.
    Yes he had a drain put back in and it was taken out on Friday his surgeron didn't want anyone but him take it out so he made sure he took it on Friday he was going to be out of town over the weekend. He sees him tomorrow want to see him before thanksgiving and next week surgeon is on vacation
    He had pneumonia,staph infection and septic shock. He has in home nurse now and start iv antibotics yesterday he had them in the hospital a few times a day but now it is once a day for a month. But they nurse is going to train me to do it. They come in syringes that have to refrigate. So it is saline flush, antibotics, saline flush and then heprin flushes in both ports.

    He had a slight fever of 99.3 last night when he went to bed. Yesterday morning woke up soak from sweating had to wash all the bedding again. His moods been up and down alot. Been very depressed lately. He is bipolar. Have to make sure give his valium to get him to calm down or to relax him plus help with the muscle spasms.

    I couldn't believe they had re open him back up and go all the way to the spine to clean everything up. Instead of staples this time they used stitches. Fromm the outside it looks much better got to change his dressing and bandages 2 times a day to keep it clean and dry. Also got to make sure the picc line doesn't get wet either. Nobody told us he couldnt' take a shower with this in him. The nurse said to sponge bath or get some saran wrap and wrap it around then tape the edges so it don't get wet. Because if it gets wet around it could lead to infection and this line goes to the heart it could kill him.

    Well got to finish get the kids ready for school been trying to get them up and using a water bottle and spraying them. Being stubborn on waking up today they only got today and tomorrow then they have thanksgiving break.

    Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I got a 23 lb turkey think we will eating turkey for a very long time
  • Very relieved to hear you were able to get your husband the treatment he required! Stubbornness is no reason to lose a spouse! Bravo!

  • very bullhead and stubborn we both are leo's! He seems very depressed and I believe because he is not allow to do anything like cleaning the house. He has ocd when it comes to keeping the house clean his nephew does a good job. I think it is really bothering him and that I tend to more protective over him i don't want to leave even to go to the store even though his 23 yr nephew is here to help him. After a scare like this it is hard for me to not be so protective also it scares me that in August he turns 50 and seems that magic age his siblings have died. He has a total of 12 total of 6 boys and 6 girls. They have this really family picture and what is scary out of each row in the picture one person has died. Weird thing is that someone had mention this to us and it was between my husband and 2 of his sisters. Now how scary is that! I was so scared his baby sister she died last year at age 44, another sister died at age 50, and 2 brothers in there 50's plus both of his parents dad died in his 50's his mom was killed by a truck when she turn 60.
    Today I learn how to do the iv antibotics, saline, antibotics, saline and heprin flush I did while the nurse talk me thru it. She coming again tomorrow to see if I have the hang of it and on Monday she will come to take his blood, vitals and change his dressing on his picc line
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