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Have to laugh to keep from crying

j.howiejj.howie Brentwood, Ca., USAPosts: 1,730
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:58 AM in Lighten and Brighten
So I'm coming out of the bathroom and I tell my wife you know I'm fused from L-2 all of the way down. And when I go to the toilet for a #2, I can barley reach. And after tomorrow I'll be fused from T-12 all of the way down. I said I don't know how I'm going to pull this off. :?
She said, what do you mean? I said, you know, I don't know how I'm going to be able to wipe. :jawdrop:
She said, well you better invent something, 'cause I ain't wippin your ass [( And further more I want to tell you that I ain't cuttin your toe nails either, that would just gross me out :&
She said, I do love you :X ,but that's where I draw the line! [( You had better get to inventing a few things =))
Help! :?
Jim :D
Click my name to see my Medical history
You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!


  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,856
    The web to your rescue!
    Just enter some keywords for Arthritis supplies web sites.
    There is a 'bottom-buddy' used just for that purpose.
    Cant mention the web site online here, but I will send you a message
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • Jim,

    I kind of have to agree with your wife, while I have wiped many a butt in my life, I draw the line on toe nails, too,haha. Good luck on your surgery tomorrow, will be praying everything goes will for you. Let us know how your doing as soon as your able to do so. Now I don't mind if your strung out on meds when you post, heck come in chat will have a little fun with ya, ha just kidding. Take care and good luck.
  • j.howiejj.howie Brentwood, Ca., USAPosts: 1,730
    Ron to the rescue. Thanks, It's already ordered!
    Now all I got to do is figure out the toenails!
    Jim :D
    Click my name to see my Medical history
    You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
    Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!
  • They do make a product to help you since your wifey says no wipey. Sorry, I couldn't help myself. Anyway, it holds the tissue and releases it but I found it too big, awkward and didn't do a sufficient job but I'm short and maybe it's me.However, that was ordered after the fact anyway so I had already wandered around thinking what can I use, what can I do to save my sanity and vanity when I opened the closet to see a swifter duster! AHA, my husband laughed at me but it worked! Well, take off the duster...wrap the first part of tissue lightly threw the middle then back around both parts (of the past that holds the swifter duster) at once lightly, use it shake the paper off and it's easy and sufficient.

    It's embarrassing to think we have to be so inventive with such trivial daily situations that everyone takes for granted....LOL! I posted this a few years ago too. Oh yea, tmi, but it wipes off with lysol wipes and being plastic is washable with bleach,etc. too. And I put some rope on mine and hung it within easy reach with one of those plastic hooks you can easily use on the wall and take off when done. OK, I think that covers it.

    As for toenails: My hubband did mine for awhile but I"d have to ask, wait, etc and he's not that good at it. My dad had knee and then back surgery and his wife sends him to get his nails done. He use to go to the podiatrist but now he gets a pedicure, just soaked, cut, no pretty red polish yet! LOL! I say that because you've already had the red shoes and turkey baster....LOL! So my dad had to tell me to get a pedicure...LOL!

    So I do and my husband says it's worth every penny! Funny, I'd never had one in my life before this but now it's manditory. LOL!So go get the toes done before surgery so you won't have to worry about it for awhile.

    Hope this helps you out. Send me a post if you need any more ideas and I'll try to help if I can.

    Take care.
  • j.howiejj.howie Brentwood, Ca., USAPosts: 1,730
    Well leave it to you to think that one up. I'd have to have some thing to color coordinate with my silk P.J.s right? :))(
    Depending on what goodies they send me home with, I could be capable of just about anything! =))
    Jim :D
    Click my name to see my Medical history
    You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
    Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!
  • They do make toe nail clippers similar to the butt buddy, with a longer handle. You can usually find them on the same web sites. Also, check with your insurance- are you eligible for any home care visits? If so, your toes are part of the whole personal care package.... you could have em done :)

  • I was going to say couldn't you rig something up from the old turkey baster? Lol!
    Ron is correct, that there is a product - see that you have ordered one. I had one but didn't need it - mind you I am only fused at one level. I would suggest using moist wipes for efficiency.

    As for those toe nails, I think a pedicure is a great idea and red to match the red shoes and silk pjs would be great. Now we want to see a photo!!

    Keep smiling. :)))
  • thepretendertthepretender Posts: 36
    edited 10/23/2012 - 2:28 PM
    The spine institute where I had my last surgery had a device for this very thing. My mom didn't get the need at their pre-op thing they put on...little does she know just why that was needed to be invented haha. (lucky!) Oh man post-op is just....ugh.
  • With only a one level fusion cleaning up "aisle 2" is within my limits, but(t) just.
    Disability retirement
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