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Tell Us About Yourself

Survivor85SSurvivor85 Posts: 33
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:58 AM in Chronic Pain
Right now I'm tired of thinking about my back problem and the pain and everything. So I know we all say "yea I'm so and so and I have DDD and I take lyrica" or "I'm fullmoonrising and I don't feel so fresh when I don't have my tramadol"(don't attack me on that I merely jest ;-) Ok I'll begin. Hi all my name is Tanya. I'm 26 and I'm from Massachusetts. I love to read, fiction and horrors mostly. And I like to write, fiction and horror mostly :-). I love music. Some of my favorite bands are : Stonesour,A Perfect Circle,Collide, Lacuna Coil, Mindless Self Indulgence, Within Temptation,Lady Gaga,VAST,Bella Morte,Seether,Evanescence,Slipknot,Orgy,Eminem...to name a few :-) Things I used to love to do before my back got really bad: take long walks around the Charles, walks along the beack, rollerblading, ice skating. Ok then. Well anyone feel free to share. Or I just wasted typing but figured it would be a distraction from our problems, even for a minute to share something other than stories of our pain and suffering.


  • I totally understand how you feel Tanya! I'm 37 years old and I've been suffering from chronic pain for almost 7 years. I've had 3 spinal fusions ( the most recentv5 weeks ago) and had numerous injections - cortisone and facet joint. I've spent hours having MRI's and CT scans done. I've seen my Doctor hundreds of times.
    I too, am tired of it all. I'm tired of the drugs - Lyrica and Oxycontin. My kids make jokes about me being a druggie because they always use Oxy as the drug criminal people are doing on TV shows. They're joking but I still despise that. I can't function without my medication and I'm sick of being a slave to my physical drug addiction. I'm very grateful that I havent developed a psycological addiction. The meds make me sick and itchy. I've never experienced euphoria??
    I have a wonderful, committed husband who has loved and supported me every step of this journey. I have 3 great kids who sometimes get frustrated because they don't have a normal Mom like their friends.
    I have to rest a lot now that I'm recovering from surgery. I've developed a complication that's very painful and I'm disappointed because I wanted to start going down on my meds but I can't because of the pain. My back feels amazing though and I'd I didn't have the complication, I'd be flying:)
    So that's me. I understand how all of this is so exhausting, frustrating and just aggravating. Other people can't understand what we're going through. It's impossible to understand unless it's happened to you. Somehow we have to keep laughing and keep believing there is someone who can fix us out there. Keeping your faith is truly the hardest part of this journey. Good luck Tanya.
  • I just had my second fusion back in October. I had to get it redone L3-L5 because one of my screws was broken and then when they opened me up they saw that none of the extensive bone grafts they had done the year before didn't take.
    After the first fusion I had complications due to the fact that I had to have an unrelated surgery, which was found through an MRI. They found a tumor on my adrenal gland that was rapidly growing that was causing pain and hormonal changes. So I had to have the entire gland removed and to do that they needed to have me lay on my right side and they had to flex me on the table, with the hardware inside of me :-/ .
    I try to keep the faith. It's just the pain is still so bad, like you I hate feeling like I have to depend on medication to function. It's not an addiction, it's dependency, there is a difference. You wouldn't take it if you didn't need to. I just get sad about my future. I wonder if I'll ever get better, if this fusion will take. I'm single and wish I could find that right guy to settle down with, but who would want me like this? I'm no fun to be around. I have to rest a lot. I want to have children someday but can't see how that's possible with my back the way it is. I guess I have to stop being so hard on myself and give myself some more time. It's just a hard time of year to be alone and in pain.
  • You aren't... It feels that way, but you aren't alone. Their are plenty of us that feel your pain. Personally I think it probably sucks more when your young and have your whole life ahead of you. Hopefully this fusion will work and you'll start feeling better.
    I'm not sayin how old I am - but I'm still hot! LOL I will say that :) I used to be lucky enough to ride the black stallion - but not anymore. I don't do a lot of things I used to do because it just hurts too much. Hopefully you're hot too and will stay that way! :) HA-HA, did that post cheer you up a little?!
  • Yeah I'm still hot :-) You couldn't tell by looking at me that I had any major problems but I do walk a lot slower now and it's pretty noticeable because I'm 5'8 and I used to have a long strided gait when I walked. Oh well. Que sera sera. Life goes on and all that jazz lol I have to take it one day at a time. I broke down and flat out cried like a baby in front of my mother today,which I haven't done in forever..I have the neurosurgeon tomorrow for my 2nd postop for this fusion and I'm going to tell them how bad the pain still is. I may see if I'm a candidate for a nerve blocker or something. Something has to get better,right?
  • My cousin said the same thing and she got married at 31 and had a baby. It may be hard to have a baby but not impossible having spine issues. I hope all your dreams come true!

    I'm Cheryl(nickname Charry) I'm 51 and still hot too just like Mouse! LOL =))
    married and no children but I have 2 cats. I love Sci-Fi and especially Stargate, Dexter, old stuff like x-files and Star Trek big fan.

    I hope your appointment with your surgeon goes well tomorrow and hope he can manage your pain better. He may refer you to Pain Management or PT. Bring in a list of questions, I find that helpful. Best wishes.
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Hey Tanya,

    I'm Charlie and live near Rochester, NY. I am forty years old, have a great 10 year old son who is more of a blessing than he realizes.....especially when I'm down because of my wonderful spine (don't we ALL have wonderful spines?)

    His mom and I are separated, but she has been a great friend since we split well over two years ago, and she understands my issues and is a great help.

    Music-wise, I like most anything except rap, and like any music I can understand listening to. Classic Rock, Jazz, 70's, 80's.....most everything.

    Tanya, I see you're from Massachusetts.....I'm a Yankees fan, but consider myself a "nice one". :-)

    That's me in a nut-shell! ;-)

  • Two questions initially. How do people know that your name is Tanya and what does Survivor85 really mean?

    Before I share some about me, let me briefly some of my chronic pain issues. Have lived with a bad back for 30 years (grade 1 spondy). The pain gradually increased as I aged and as I wore out my spine (DDD). I underwent a fusion (L4-S1) in January of this year. The outcome has not been what my surgeon and I anticipated. He's professionally frustrated and I am personally in pain. We are continuing to explore modalities that will provide relief. Enough about that.

    I am 60. A Taurus who loves the earth and I am somewhat bullheaded. Spent 20 years in the Army, jumping out of airplanes during the last 6. I loved that thrill, but it has taken a significant toll on my body. I have also been a distance runner since 1981. On my 30th birthday I celebrated by running my first 1/2 marathon. Since then I have completed several, plus marathons. My "final" was with my son in Oct 2009. I knew it would be my last and I cried as we crossed the finish line together. Onlookers thought it was the physical pain, but it was really the fact that I knew that I would never have this opportunity again. My back hurt like hell.

    After I retired from the Army I taught high school for three years and hated every day of it. Went back to college (I already had a BS in geography and a MEd in occupational education) but I wanted to go a different direction so I used up some of my remaining GI Bill educational benefits and got a MS in safety management (1998) and I have been a loss control consultant for an insurance company ever since. Here's the kicker - I used to drive 1,000 miles a week. That has changed. Have not lost my job since this surgery, but have had to be creative in other ways to "git er dun."

    I didn't mention, and probably should have, I was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2009 (another reason for the emotional finish line crossing with my son). After some anquish I decided to have that bad boy cut out. Unfortunately, they took my "squeeker" with it. Their advertised nerve sparing surgery did not spare my nerves. I only mention this to share something with you that I have learned. As I mooped (sp?) along feeling sorry for myself I took notice of all of those other patients who had, and still, and will forever have, it worse than me. It reminded me of something some old person told me years ago - a man was feeling sorry for himself because he did not have any shoes until he saw a man who did not have any feet. Puts it all in a different perspective, doesn't it?

    Please don't interpret my response as a counseling. I am in a different place in life than you are. Just wanted to share some stuff and help you distract your mind for a little while. One last thing. My daughter's boy friend is the drummer for Adelissa's Way (sp?). I looked to see if you included them in your list, but no. The opened for Guns & Roses two weeks ago. Fingers crossed that success comes their way. He's a fine young man, even though he has tatoo's all over his arms (that's another 60 year old judgement statement).

    Hang tough young lady. The world is waiting.
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