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Trouble with acceptance?

weepngwillo2wweepngwillo2 Posts: 20
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:58 AM in Chronic Pain
I am new here. I am here out of desperation. From the input I get from the world around me, I am a failure as a human/wife/mother. Let me be more specific. My most recent MRI of my thorasic and cervical spine show improvement from the one 8 years ago. In those sections I went from having C5-C6 herniated, and a C6-C7 bulging, to a diffuse bulging between C5 -C6. Other than that the results for the rest are 'unremarkable'. I was originally diagnosed with this issue when I was 24. Told that most people by the time they are 50 have at least one compromised disc.
At 17 I was ejected from a rolling vehicle at about 50 MPH. This might sound weird but when I was flying through the air somehow my body remembered to try to curl into a ball with my hands over the back of my neck. I suffered second and third degree road rash on my forehead that shaved my hair back an inch from the original hairline and all over the outside of my forearms and my hands. It was a gravel road, and I don't know how much protection from that type of injury I had for my legs and feet as I was in jeans and cowboy boots.
I landed in such a fashion that the impact traveled down my spine where it cause a burst fracture at L1. I lost all feeling from the waist down shortly (within hours) after arriving by ambulance at the hosp. Feeling was regained after 9hr surgery on the front of my spine where they had to remove bone fragments from my spinal cord and placed a Harrington's rod attached by 4 screws spanning from T12-L2 , a bone graph taken from one of my floating ribs, and a 1/2 inch added to my height as I had minor scoliosis prior. Again, other than rays, the most recent MRI of that area is 8 years old, but all films indicate no 'significant post operative changes'.
I have severe pain and tensio in my neck and across my shoulders, wearing a bra is excruciating and one of the vertebra in that area randomly twists and pops my rib out of place. I have pain and tension that radiates out from the area where the implant is, and I have pain and tension that forms in my lower back at about the same level of my hips. I was also diagnosed with an enlarged uterus, about the size of a 14 wk pregnancy (no fibroids or cycsts) that I was told was pressing on my lower back.
My doctor says he sees no reason for me to be in pain, and since the pain I am I is not 'acute' so there is no call to use opioid based pain medication, which to date has been the only thing that provides any relief besides osteopathic manipulations, and not the kind where they just force your back until it cracks. I have also started having random bouts of localized pain, for instance today there is a issue with my right leg, a pint painful and tender to the touch near my hip, one on the back of my calf, and one that wraps around the back and outside of my foot. I am having episodes that last for a week or more of severe pain and stiffness in my legs accompanied by sharp pain in the center of the bottom of my feet. There are times when I get sharp burning pains in the center of my palms like someone is stabbing a knife all the way through.
There are times when I wonder if it is in my head, but then I pick up my cup of coffee and I have a 3 or 4 inch section that feels like someone yanking on a guitar string in my back.
All my doc is willing to give me for pain is 1 15 mg xr mobic per day and wants me to take 2mgs of Valium 3 times a day and 2 at bedtime.
He has decided that I need phisical therapy, again, as my fourth round of physical therapy was completed just over a year ago.
I begged for even just one pain pill pe day, just so I could have a few hours a day when I could function near normally in the care of my family. I offered to come in weekly so they could test my blood/urine and count my pills to be sure I wasn't misusing them. No luck, no compassion, no hope for relief. I explained that I already do proactive things like stretching, heat therapy, use of my TENS unit, and even yoga when I am not hurting so bad I can't, which is all the time for the past year or so. I don't go to the ER when I am in pain for fear of being labeled a medication seeker. The only choice seemingly left is to suffer in this silent prison. I do everything I can to hide how bad things are to my family because all it does is create a burden they have no control over. I know that being overweight is contributing to some of the pain I am in, but I also know the pain in my back was no less severe when I was down at 130 lbs as it is now. When I told my Dr I just needed correct medication to make it possible for me to exercise he told me that wasn't important, I should just go get on weight watchers .
I honestly don't know how much longer I can bear up under the strain of no hope for relief. I have children and a husband that have had to take over almost everything besides attending me in the bathroom and helping me bathe and brush my hair and teeth. I am both a physical and financial burden to those around me. I hurt too much, and what few 'good' days I have are so in predictable that I can't be reliable for anything. My pain affects my interpersonal relationships because of the effects on my personality, and I have developed a host of psychological issues, depression, anxiety, manic episodes, that I believe have a strong root system in my pain and the fact that I went from a physically and socially active person to someone who has to debate whether making lunch trumps how much it will hurt or not.
I have Medicaid and my options seem so limited. The Drs that seem like they would be a good fit for me don't accept my insurance, and the Drs that do accept it seem to have no understanding or compassion for chronic pain sufferers. Further, they leave you feeling like an idiot/junkie for asking for help in the first place.

What do I do? Where do I go from here? Do I just give up at 32 and start the long process of waiting to die so it can be over? Do I force my family to continue supporting me and watch as their chance at 'normalcy' gets ruined by my lack of participation? Do I cancel my Medicaid and whore myself out so I can afford to private pay a doc that will actually help me make progress? Is my issue that I am unwilling to accept that this level of suffering on a daily basis is not only ok but reasonable?



  • Hi there and sorry you are in so much pain. You NEED to get a different doctor! There is no reason for them to give you no pain meds. As long as you are trying the treatments they want you to try (Like PT, tens) and you are not asking for massive amounts of narcotics, there is no reason for them not to prescribe you 1-2 vicodin or percocet a day. Maybe try finding a physiatrist. My Pain management doctor is a physiatrist and she is great!
    ACDF C4-5 June 23rd, 2011

    Another surgery in the near future. I am 26 years old.

    Current Meds- Norco 7.5/325, Cymbalta 60mg, Gabapentin, Adderall 20mg
  • No, never ever give up or give in! you have an innate right to express yourself to your.
    your family wont give up on you as long as you dont give up on them.

    fight as hard as you can for relief.
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • Please don't worry that I would do something extreme like suicide. Thoughts of leaving my family so they have a better shot are pretty regular though. The giving up I am talking about is more general. With nothing to look forward to besides brief glimpses of happiness and success derived vicariously from others, surrounded by years of debilitating pain with no obvious hope of relief....it seems like a sentance that I am left to carry out, but with no possibility of early release for good behavior. I hate feeling like this and seeing it from this perspective, but I don't know how to avoid it when the evidence of it is so obvious and pervasive through out all aspects of my life.
  • Hello weepngwillo2,

    I was in the same position you are in. I was dealing with the pain and it was affecting my relationship with my then girlfriend. Arguments and hatred of going to Walmart ensued my thoughts and depression and anxiety spurred out of that frustration.

    My PCP is just a nurse practitioner. She thought the pain was in my head and that it was because of the struggling relationship with my ex and the money situation as I was in school drawing UI. She told me to do stretches and prescribed me Flexiril which made me drowsy to where when I needed it, I would not feel pain because I would be passed out.

    Finally I had her do an MRI and found that I have 4 issues. I have DDD, spinal stenosis, 5 bulging discs as well as arthritis. I too asked for something to relieve the pain as for NSAIDS and the muscle relaxers were not taking the edge off. I too and overweight.

    After a few visits to my PCP and not getting any help I talked to my cousin who suffers with herniated discs. He told me he was seeing a pain management specialist nearby. I too was fearful of being "Labeled" and looked differently upon as many people abuse their medications and that leaves us 99% without the benefit of the doubt. I am only 30 and I will NOT look at surgery as an option for now. So I got my MRI results and had my PCP fax them over to the treatment center. What is really horrible is that these specialists do not normally go through Insurance Companies, so I had to pay a hefty cash payment for the initial examination. I expressed concern that I was nervous about even showing up because I did not want to be "labeled". just sitting in the waiting room made my back ache more than normal because of the anxiety. She put my mind at ease and after reviewing my MRI told me that I did warrant more attention than my limited PCP could afford me.

    You will have to sign an opiate contract and be suspect to random screenings as well as liver enzyme tests to ensure you are not doing more damage than than help. Physicians motto "Do No Harm". Even after a few months of my visit I was scared to tell my parents. Both are in the medical field. I did not again want to be labeled. When I finally told them they were really open minded and noticed that I was more pleasant as I was not depressed nor feeling helpless over my situation.

    There is no law against seeking another opinion. I would ask your PCP or look in the local Yellow Pages for pain management. These doctors have specialized training and have helped many patients.

    Do not feel alone nor "give up". Those people who will label you and think low of you are in themselves unsure what it is really like to live with chronic pain or in themselves incompetent and do not know what we go through.

    To sum things up, do what you think is best for you. You said the Valium helps you. That will control your muscle spasms. As for the pain medications, when you are in chronic pain the normal NSAIDS or acetaminophen. We all on this site hope to see our fellow sufferers get better and the attention you need and deserve. Do not feel threatened of being "Labeled" or your true self will never be displayed.
  • I really feel your sadness. And pain. Do you live near any medical schools or have any access to them? that sometimes is the best option as far as dealing with medicaid.
    I hate to hear you calling yourself a failure. Get that word OUT of your head. This is going to sound really corney...but whenever you hear yourself talking down on yourself, realize that you are being negative, then deny that negative part of you. Say "No" I am not a failure, I'm not going to believe that...even if its really simple stuff like I can get up and make my child breakfast, I will let my child know he/she is loved today and I AM a good mother. The first step is to realize when you are being down on yourself, ackowledge it, STOP that, and tell yourself the opposite AND believe it!
    You can deny yourself being a failure without deny your pain...think I am STRONGER than that person over there because I am here, NOW despite what I have been through, I have had the toughness to bear this pain when someone else would have caved...
    You seem to be focused on weight but in a cycle of pain -> limiting activity -> sedentary -> more weight gain more pain... you are going to need a medical professional to help you with this, sort out what is from pain, what may be your metabolism, what may be lifestyle. There may be some easy fixes, some not-so-easy fixes.
    You do need a doctor who understands pain management - you are dscribing spasms, neuropathy, and depression. There may be opain medicine to help, and other medicines (muscle relaxers, antidepressnats) that can all work together.
    You said you found a doctor that you like but they don't take your insurance. Ask them what you should do; even if they don't say "well you can see me once every 3 months for X$'s" they may understand your plight and know of ways where there are doctors that care in a more accessible setting. What do you think?
  • I am close to MSU, but their ability to assist is limited. I am securing a referral to the local hospitals pain management clinic. If I can't get help there, I have found a pain mangement clinic that might take me as a pro bono type case. There is a law (not sure if it is state or fed) that makes it so that if you have Medicaid and a Dr is not willing to charge the amount approved by Medicaid, it is illegal to either pay the difference, or pay privately.
    I have no choices left but to be led by the system. If I yell too loud, I only run the risk of losing all access to medical care. As far as the self worth end of things, I don't know that I have the strength of character to find worth in someone/thing this broken.
    I just hope, like in my statement that I will find a place where me and my pain will be treated with dignity, and that I will find a Dr that is willing to be a long term partner in my struggle for a decent quality of life. After dealing with this stuff for almost 16 years I just feel like my well of personal strength is about dry.
  • Hi there,

    Just remember, everything is negotiable.
    So while you are confined by medicaid, you can seek advice from those that do not take it.

    1 - have you looked into social programs?
    2 - talk to a doctor and ask them if they can negotiate a cash rate. Look at the bills currently to get a sense of what you KNOW they will accept and what a fair rate is.

    I found out you can really negotiate when I had to go out of network on my current insurance. They wanted my business so they said they would work with me.

    If this is not an option, you just keep being your own advocate. In doing this, you are a successful role model to your children and your family.

    And, I agree...you are not a failure.
    It's so easy to think with chronic pain and all several of us have to give up, that it's easy to allow yourself to be kicked b/c you are already down. It's a daily struggle but celebrate the wins and if you have to keep a journal...do it!

    Write down just 5 things you are grateful for and/or did to make a difference daily.

    It can be anything silly like
    - I'm grateful I was able to braid my child's hair today.
    - I'm grateful for a hot shower.
    - I made a difference today b/c I took the time to call a friend to ask how they were doing.
    - I made a difference b/c I kissed my husband good bye this morning and told him I loved him and wished him a good day.

    It's silly or corny but honestly, it can help you realize little things add up....and make a positive difference.
  • I do work on celebrating those little things. There are just times when I am hurting, and I am watching others around me live, and I get critical of whether I am being over generous with my self, congratulating things that aren't worth the praise. I get frustrated that normal activities have become obstacles and triumphs. Until now, here, I have kept these feelings to myself. There has been no outlet. Who would care to hear these things after having to hear me complain (I work hard not to, but the noises when I stand up, or the expressions on my face, or rubbing my back do it for me) on a day to day basis? Who would be understanding of these darker sides of the thought patterns? I/we work so hard at showing others that we are upbeat and looking for the brighter side of our situation, I/we(?) don't share these things, but they are still there. I haven't figured out how to address them all yet and there are many times I struggle in the circular thinking pattern it creates especially when it is re-enforced by the pain, or blatant restrictions on what I can do as opposed to what I want to do.

    Any personal insights in this area would be greatly appreciated!!
  • I am 39 years old I have had a spinal fusion at L4 L5 due to a 4 car car accident. I was back seat passenger with no seat belt, so I was thrown around like a ragdoll. The fusion only made things worse. Before the fusion I tried every kind of injection there is out there available, as well as all kinds of pain medications. I had a SCS implanted in april, I had it removed 6 weeks ago because the battery pack flipped and the Dr and I both agreed I was not getting the relief it was suppost to be giving me as I had not been able to come off the oral medications at all. I am currently on Fentanyl patch 75mcg, and Percocets 10/325 The pain still continues to get worse everyday no matter if I do nothing or I try to get anything done around the house its all the same. My husband is not supportive at all he does not help with anything and tells me that "I know your back hurts you dont have to tell me everyday".... I was so depressed (still am) I wanted everything to end just go away it would make things so much easier. I never leave the house unless I absolutely have to, I can barely shower sometimes I have no choice but to go 3-3-4 days with no shower just washing up cause I cant stand the pain. Recently I have been dealing with not only my back but now I am starting to have edema in my lower legs more the left, and every morning when I get up I have excruciating pain in my upper right thigh that does go away after I have been up moving but I dont know where it has come from. My PC Dr. is treating me for anxiety and depression but I dont think the dosages are right or maybe its not a good med for me cause I still feel hopeless. My kids want me to go places or come over to hang with me and Im usually sleeping or just cant go for the pain is just to much to bear. I am hanging on for the sake of my children my 10 yr old is an angel she occupies herself while my husband is working and she is alone while i am laying in bed she eats her dinner in bed with me so we can spend time together and I think she understands but I can still see dissapointment on her face when we cant go places she likes to go....It really breaks my heart when her best friends mother comes and takes her to the park because I cant do it I am greatful that she does that for me but I should be the one doing these things with my daughter not some one elses mother. I feel like she is missing out and my hubby tells me all the time I am not being fair to her my other children had all my attention and time and she does not get that. Like I have control over it I dont know. My point being you are not alone. I am greatful that I found this site the people are wonderful and heartfelt they are really compasionate and care about what you are going through.....stay with up and keep us posted!! God Bless and good luck with your search for a good doc who will hear you and get you on some pain management!

  • Weeping willow....yes, you are feeling exactly how I felt. I didn't want to 'celebrate' a day of little accomplishments that seemed so menial.

    I guess what it came down to is that I had to keep focusing on what I DID have and not what I didn't.

    That being said, I walked today through a TON of pain. I told my husband I might call him to pick me up b/c I hurt so badly. But, I wanted to move. I went slow. On the walk, I was mad at myself for being jealous of things that I shouldn't be jealous of. Then it hit me, I feel very robbed of things. I feel robbed of the complete freedom I had, I feel robbed of things unrelated to my back, but the back is what makes me obsess about all that I feel life has cheated me from....like my mom dying before getting to meet my husband and my sisters' husbands and her grandchildren.

    So, I don't want you to think it's all sunshine and lollipops. It's a struggle...daily. There isn't a day that goes by where I'm not aware of my back injury. But there are days that go by that I can laugh and hide it....and those are the good days.

    Then, there are the days, like this morning...where my husband tells me how someone asked how I was. They ask if I am running again. He said to me, I don't think most people understand how bad things were and still are for you. THAT, somehow, makes me realize I'm very lucky. I'm lucky that the person that lives with me, knows. He knows my pain, he knows my strength, he knows my frustration, and he knows he can't fix it. But having that...makes it worth me putting forth the effort I can on the days I can.

    Anyhow, on top of all the pain that many suffer, I think the holidays add a little bit more to the emotion...at least for me.

    I hope today, some cheer found it's way to your door step.
  • No signicant changes on a mri or ct doesn't say much about anything. You DO need another doctor, one with experience in complex pain management.

    Have they suggested any pain relief AT ALL? One pill a day sounds - um - very conservative. And with pain relief I'm not suggesting advil.

    It COULD be muscle related in combination with residual pain from the injury. Or referred pain. The muscular bundles are trying to compensate and that compensation can cause pain. Then add pain from the actual injury. Back injuries DO hurt for a variety of reasons. Most of those reasons, into the actual causes of chronic pain, aren't even known. Yes, there's been an injury but the reason for the pain might know be tracable. Pain is an elusive "enemy". There might not be a tracable reason for your pain - pinched nerves etc., but that does in itself not negate your experience. Also, pain need not present itself immediately post accident. Most of the times, yes but not always. You might do something years later and poof, there was the pain.

    Pain at this level can drive anyone absolutely bonkers, to the point of brink of suicide.
    Not trying to be flippant but there are some antidepressants (and not for depression alone) that can act as pain reliever. It's not addictive. A skilled PT with OMT-experience can also evaluate rather than just hand over a bunch of excersises with the note of do this and you'll be fine. The one I saw gave me some names of doctors skilled in treating pain. I'm also heavily into acupuncture.

    All this said, hang in there!
  • My husband tries to be understanding, but he says things like "You hurt all the time, 'stuff' still needs to get done"
    I agree with him. Every time my daughter has to take on more chores because of what I can not do/am not up to doing, I feel worse.
    I know that dwelling doesn't help, there are just times when I can't help it.

    This whole sharing thing is new and hard, I admit that I see my inability to deal with the pain and the emotional crud that comes with it as a weakness. I know there are those worse off than I am and it makes me hesitate when asking for help. I also know/fear that my future does not hold a cure or fix for my issues, and that they will continue to get worse and/or multiply.

    Having a place where there is someone else that understands the struggle between complaining/being unable to do things and wanting to be able/wanting to not feel like you are just increasing their burden by complaining, is a blessing. I feel like I have been alone in this since I broke my back at 17.
  • My husband tries to be understanding, but he says things like "You hurt all the time, 'stuff' still needs to get done"
    I agree with him. Every time my daughter has to take on more chores because of what I can not do/am not up to doing, I feel worse.
    I know that dwelling doesn't help, there are just times when I can't help it.

    This whole sharing thing is new and hard, I admit that I see my inability to deal with the pain and the emotional crud that comes with it as a weakness. I know there are those worse off than I am and it makes me hesitate when asking for help. I also know/fear that my future does not hold a cure or fix for my issues, and that they will continue to get worse and/or multiply.

    Having a place where there is someone else that understands the struggle between complaining/being unable to do things and wanting to be able/wanting to not feel like you are just increasing their burden by complaining, is a blessing. I feel like I have been alone in this since I broke my back at 17.
  • For just one or two pills per day, offered to go on a week to week script where I had to come in so they could count my pills before they would renew, that I would come in so they could test blood and urine.
    The Dr asked me what I thought was causing the pain since he couldn't see an obvious reason for it, I said I don't know, he said well neither do I, and walked out.
  • I am gearing up to go to my daughters award ceremony tonight. A promise of horrid seating, crowds, but a chance to see her shine is enough to get me out there.
  • Every doc has a diff. anti-dep they want me on. Some work a bit, some not at all, some made things worse. My medical issues keep getting separated though. Like the depression has nothing to do with the chronic pain or loss of social activity, it is an entity of it's own. Like my chronic pain has been seemingly assumed to derive only from the DDD in my neck and has nothing to do with the unnatural curvature caused by the implant.
    Finding the right Dr is starting to seem like looking for the holy grail, but I have little choice but to keep going.
  • The antidepressant, amitryptilin, is quite frequently used in pain management.
    I take antidepressants. It's helpful to keep me from drowning when the tides are high. Being in constant pain is highly depressive.
    However, I'm not saying that antidepressants are The Answer. It should be viewed as a part of a whole.
  • They are in the process of reducing the serequil and added amytriptiline in corresponding increasing doses. And I really agree with the part of the whole bit. I am so tired of my medical treatment getting sliced into different pieces like they are not all connected.
  • Contacted my insurance company, for whatever reason they are much more understanding of my position/issue than Dr office was. Filed a formal complaint on the Dr, and the insurance company is doing the leg work to find me a new primary care doc. We will see if it makes any difference. Have decided that for the first time in more than 5 yrs am going to ER after my daughters award ceremony to see if I can get some help for the interim. Keeping fingers crossed that these changes will bring positive changes!!!
  • Hi weeping :wave: When I joined here I was seeking 1 last place/person who could help save me from myself. I was going insane (not really but you know what I mean). I was having very dark thoughts/feelings. Like you my family is what kept me going BUT the pain I was in I admit there were times I was scared that even they would not be enough some dark dark day.

    Through the members here I was encouraged to fight for myself and to get proper pain control. My life has totally changed for the better! :)

    I still have some bad days when I get down as I lost all those years of how I knew my life to be and had to learn to live MY new NORMAL. But all in all this site saved my sanity and probably my life!

    Even when we don't have THE answers for you always come here and post any ways, just knowing someone out there really gets it was a HUGE help to me :)

    Just the other day I went down a sliding board for the FIRST time EVER with my 5 & 6 yr old grandkids at the local play ground. My 11 yr grandson stood at the bottom and PROMISED he would catch me ( I weigh over 200 lbs even after losing 60 lbs) lol Yeah life IS good again!!!! :D

    I share this joyful moment with you to tell you that there IS hope! My pain was so bad I could not dress myself and now I am playing - hang in there, we will be here for you! :hug:
    L1 - S2 "gone" useless in 1 way or another. DDD. RA. Bone Spurs. Tons of nerve damage/issues. Stenosis. Both knees replaced. 50 yrs old. I had a great fall (hence my user name) at age 41 and it has been a domino effect every since.
  • When you get a new PCP, be sure to bring up an urgent referral to a specialist.

    I recognise that I was lucky. I've never had to run the gauntlet in terms of medical interventions, doctors etc. Due to the severity of my injuries, as mentioned in my introductory post, everyone has basically assumed that some complication due to the injuries would recur. I've had some kind of surgery every year since my accident, kind of an annual event by now. When I moved, or emigrated rather, I got referrals to a good back clinic and my current situation is surgeons that can't really agree. The specialist I see regularly doesn't feel comfortable giving surgical advice. Even with the support I have been receiving, I've had my moments of, for one, depression and anxiety for the never-reducing pain that you can't get yourself distracted from.

    Now, constant pain can drive you nuts. It's a known fact that under-managed pain patients (regardless of the source of pain), are prone to depression. If you can, try to explain it to your husband as gnawing tooth ache at all hours of the day and see how cool he'd feel with that.

    There are some things you can do for yourself but at this time, and place, and while you are in pain, suggesting you do them won't really work. It just sounds condacending like none understand. WHEN your pain is treated you can begin moving better, movement promotes endorphines and general well-being etc. If there's a support group for illnesses and/or pain and/or back issues, I'd encourage you to join one. It helps to vent and can serve as a distraction.

    I really hope your insurer can expedite your request and that you get a better pcp!!
  • Entire Post edited. Totally inappropriate and clear violations of forum rules

    Ron DiLauro, Spine-Health System Administrator 12/16/11
  • checking back in to see how you are doing ?
    L1 - S2 "gone" useless in 1 way or another. DDD. RA. Bone Spurs. Tons of nerve damage/issues. Stenosis. Both knees replaced. 50 yrs old. I had a great fall (hence my user name) at age 41 and it has been a domino effect every since.
  • Well, I have been working on really working with the encouragement I have gotten here. I found a site dedicated to spinal cord injury, and am getting what rings of solid medical advice. Most of all, knowing that there are others that can at least understand where I am coming from and how what I am dealing with effects everything else, makes it a little better.
    I did not end up going to the awards ceremony, or the emergency room. I hurt but am still very afraid of getting labeled as some kind of pill seeker. I did get a new pcp whom I had to wait till today to contact, but the intake nurse for the pain management clinicextracted a referral from my old Dr office first. I am waiting on paperwork but am supposed to see them Jan 12.
    Thank you for worrying over someone you don't know.
  • January 12th is a long ways off. It is so miserable to feel like that and have to wait so long. Life isn't fair at times and obviously these doctors have not lived in pain or they would be takin care of business a little sooner. I guess a lot of it is "the pill seekers" that you mentioned that ruin it for legitimate people in excrutiating pain. Take care - Marion
  • I gave in and went to the ER tonight. I was seen and out within 3 hours and got more respect and compassion from the medical staff there than I have had in 5yrs.
    'Official' diagnosis was myofascial strain. I was told that several ribs through out my mid back were misalligned. Dr seemed comcerned/alarmed when he found out i had not been being given anything for pain beyond the mobic and 2mg valium, at that point asking for the old drs name and practice. The gave me an IM dilauded and some Valium to try to get a reset on the pain and tension through my back, and it worked. I had a solid 4 hours where I could breath without hurting, sit in my chair for more than 10 min w/o having to hunch over or hold my fists against my midback and lean against them, or have to continually change position. It didn't hurt so badly to tuck in my 5yr old into bed even when he crawled in my lap. I could drink a can of pop and didn't have to lean over to it instead of reaching for it.
    I feel like my sanity got a reset too, but that might be the medication lol. Sometimes when you spend most of your energy trying to ignore the pain, you don't realize how much it is draining all your reserves, mental too, until you get a chance for the pain to be reduced to a point where you can honestly tolerate it.
    I have written the normal instructions for using heat, no driving or strenuous activity, but they also provided a script for actual pain meds (not tylenol) increased the individual Valium dosage from 2 to 5, and is having me take the mobic 2 times per day, 12 hours apart, and enough for two weeks if I am judicious with it which should help get me through to the pain mgmt clinic if not the other pcp whom I have been unable to reach. I was told that even with the er tablets I was only getting 12 hours of active anti-inflamatory in my system, indicating that it hadn't been dosed correctly.
    Insurance currently has me going to a Dr 45 min away for my pcp which I am none to keen on, but will give it a shot to see if he is someone that will help me build and coordinate the drs and specialists I am going to need to really get any true relief and quality of life.
    I wanted to let you guys know since you have all been so kind in reaching out to someone you don't know and helping to give the support they needed to ask for help the right way.
  • I also have chronic neck and back pain,i have 4 levels fused in my back.8 screws,2 screws left are,2 screws left hip,4 screws one plate left jaw,left ankle surgery,right and left knee surgery.I am 47 and not ready to give up.This new years day will be 12 year's that i quit smoking and drinking best thing i ever did for my self,lost 60 lbs.I still want to play guitar and go on the road.when people see me no one can tell that i am hurt or been to hell and back.takeing pain meds for a long time will only make you worst i know less is Better.I draw strength form Jesus Christ.Good luck....
  • I'm glad to hear that. ERs are not always so pleasant so I am glad to hear that they helped you out so much. It is a pretty sad state of affairs when you can tuck your baby in - something most take for granted. I don't know how we ever got in this mess. Take care - Marion
  • Glad to hear you're feeling better. Must admit, it saddens me to hear how some doctors are afraid of administering pain medication.

    I've never been in that situation. My doc gives me whatever I feel I need....not what she thinks. I guess I have shown over the last two years that I've never abused the meds.

    I don't know where you live, but I've heard that American doctors are more leery of opiates.

  • HI,
    Have been off this site for a few months as our house was severely damaged in Hurrican Irene in Aug. - am back home now...not done, but livable...Anyway, I have read through all these posts, and I was thinking of myofacial/fibromyalgia. Thank God, those ER dr's were on the ball!!! I saw a rhumetologist for never ending burning and pain and limping after my 3 lumbar surgeries back in 94/95...same diagnosis! I take an antidepressant every morning, and the good old amitriptyline at night, though sometimes use a flexerill instead of ami for muscle spasming...
    You are on the road to feeling much better!!!! You may need to try a variety of kinds to see which one works the best. And you should look up myofacial pain so you really understand what's happening!! It's a sort of weird thing, but it's workable! There is light at the end of the tunnel!
    I hope today you are feeling better about yourself as your perseverence, and trip to the ER has paid off!! Things are turning your way - don't miss the bus!! You should be labeled as a person in need of help, and not a pill pusher.. and now you have been!
    I hope your holidays are in less pain, and more enjoyment, whatever the season brings.
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