I'm having surgery this morning (tuesday). I've gone from feeling cool and collected although nervous to full panic. Kinda like hang on, this will be fine by itself and just let me the hell out of here! Suddenly all those risks that they mention (to avoid the risk of suit if the surgery goes to hell I guess) but hearing all about risks for full on paralysis neck down, hemorrhaging, causing accentuation of trouble to death... Not helpful.
Which it of course won't be. Fine by itself that is.
Can't sleep. Surgery is at 6 am and well, I'm not sleeping. Busy telling myself that I won't die. I've had over ten back surgeries but have never felt this absolute kind of I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS. The depth of the emotions surprised me.
Just needed to "tell" someone...