Welcome, Friend!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

Veritas-Health LLC has recently released patient forums to our Arthritis-Health web site.

Please visit http://www.arthritis-health.com/forum

There are several patient story videos on Spine-Health that talk about Arthritis. Search on Patient stories
Protect anonymity
We strongly suggest that members do not include their email addresses. Once that is published , your email address is available to anyone on the internet , including hackers.

All discussions and comments that contain an external URL will be automatically moved to the spam queue. No external URL pointing to a medical web site is permitted. Forum rules also indicate that you need prior moderator approval. If you are going to post an external URL, contact one of the moderators to get their approval.
Attention New Members
Your initial discussion or comment automatically is sent to a moderator's approval queue before it can be published.
There are no medical professionals on this forum side of the site. Therefore, no one is capable or permitted to provide any type of medical advice.
This includes any analysis, interpretation, or advice based on any diagnostic test

Supportive Spouse

georgemomggeorgemom Posts: 1
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:59 AM in New Member Introductions
Hello all. I am a spouse of a husband with chronic pain from ankylosing spondylitis. We are going through a rough time right now, and are drifting farther apart.

I don't know what to say to help him right now. I work full-time and support the family. He receives disability, and is home most of the day. Going out takes such a toll on him. I have an 11-year-old daughter from a previous marriage.

We fight over everything, it seems. He is critical, and I can't do anything right. He says I'm not being supportive, and I should encourage him to do things, but when I do, he snaps "I can't right now."

How do I best support him? I try to be positive and joyful and as uplifting as I can, but that just seems to depress him more. When I stay home to be with him, he retreats into his garage. When I go out to do things that make me happy, I feel guilty. I feel like I am wrong either way.

I'm looking for help from people dealing with chronic pain and their "well" family, as well as spouses who have figured it out. I've vowed to never leave him, but our home life is miserable. Whatever I can do, I'll do.

Thanks in advance,


  • MetalneckMetalneck Island of Misfit toysPosts: 1,368
    This page of the site maybe of benefit to you:


    I hope this helps a little bit.


    Spine-Health Moderator
    Welcome to Spine-Health  Please read the linked guidelines!!  (Click on Welcome to Spine-Health)

  • RangerRRanger on da rangePosts: 805
    Hi Kim,
    I am very lucky to have a wife that is as supportive as you are. I have had a few surgeries, have chronic pain, and I (we) know I won't get better and most likely worse. My concern is for my wife and family. I know how hard it is to see someone that is close to you go through any type of physical pain and medical issues. So any way I can I try and suck it up and not dwell on my issues. Any time I can I support my wife to have some "alone time" or time with her friends, and we always make time for ourselves. I don't want to sound harsh but your hubby needs to suck it up and appreciate what a wonderful wife he has and hopefully he will open his eyes sooner than later. One thing I always remember is that there are so many more worse off than I am so we have to be thankful for what we are still able to do.
    Wishing you the very best,
Sign In or Register to comment.