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Doing well but feel like I am losing my 1 year old

ggdavisgggdavis Posts: 1
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:59 AM in Recovering from Surgery
Three weeks ago, I had an L4 to S1 fusion done. I am only 39 but the the wear and tear of my military service left me with chronic lower back pain. I was still very active, running 5K's and Half Marathons until we adopted my daugher last year from China. You wouldn't believe how much chasing a 1 year old around the house puts things into perspective. Well since then my condition worsened enough to decided on the surgery. I have been recovering fantastic, and am even up to walking a mile and a half a day even three weeks after the surgery. The reall problem for me is not the physical recovery, but the emotional toll it has taken on me. My daughter was a total daddy's girl up to the day I went into the hospital. I have just recently albeit with a lot of pain, been able to involve my self with bath's and bedtimes and attepts at cuddles. Unfortunately, and my reason for posting she now prefers her mother for all aspects of comfort. This is pain for me that is the hardest to come to terms with. My back pain is doing better every day, and I expect to begin training for my next marathon in another two months. I just want things back the way they were with my daughter! I know it will come back with time, it is just depressing. Well sorry for rambling, and I would be happy to answer anyone's questions on my surgery, and subsequent recovery. You can live with DDD, and be very active. You just have to keep things in perspective. Thanks for listening!



  • You had 2 levels fused 3 weeks ago and you are ready to start training for marathon in 2 months?

    Is that a good idea if the fusion has not taken yet? Many take up to 6 moths i believe to have total fusion and even longer,

    Best of luck. Sounds like your surgery might have helped if you ready to start runing soon, Many are lucky to be walking few months out of surgery,

    Flexicore ADR 2004 resulting nerve damage l4l5 Fusion 2006 same level, 2009 hardware removal with lami !
    2012 scs implant ,
  • I am 60; used to be a very active individual (physically not sexually); had L4-S1 fused last January. My surgeon told me to never run again, unless I wanted to accelerate the sympathetic disintegration of my remaining discs. He said it is inevitable for the discs above the fusion to wear out at a faster rate, but running guarantees that outcome. He did say to exercise, but just to not run.

    The issue with your daughter's reaction may be psychologically triggered as a response to your "unusual" condition. Present your question to a child psychologist for professional consideration.

    Congratulations on opening your home and heart to a young orphan. To quote the Beatles..."love is all we need..."
  • Ditto for the other posters' caveat about running. Be careful from now on.
  • I can only imagine how difficult it must be to have this shift come at this time, when you're dealing not just with the physical but also the emotional repercussions of this surgery (mine was less than a week ago and it's been HARD).

    But as difficult as it is and as much as you crave that affection back with your daughter, be patient with her - and yourself - because even without surgery or anything else, it's very normal for kids (especially when they're that young) to go back and forth between being hyperfocused on one parent or another. It really sucks for it to happen now when it make you feel so much more vulnerable and depressed. Just be patient with her, spend as much time with her one on one as you can and it will come back in its time.

    For what it's worth, we're having actually the opposite problem: My 5yo granddaughter (who we're raising, along with her 16yo sister) has become exclusively focused on me since my surgery (5 days ago) to the point of being a total butthead about anyone else doing things for her or even giving her any affection (or anyone else giving ME affection) that she was totally ok with before my surgery -- she wants to be exclusively mine and have me exclusively hers. But we know that things will settle down.

    Hang in there. I have to say that I'm touched by an athletic soldier being brought furthest down in this issue by wanting that closeness back with his wee daughter. You'll have it back, I promise.
  • You're probably spending more time with your kid than most dads. Plenty of time to bond, she's only one year old and probably can't remember yesterday.

    Jay, never forget you haven't got a new back, just your old one patched up so take it easy. It isn't a competition, it's survival from here on in. Walking? definitely; cycling? yes in moderation; swimming? excellent; running? not sure I would in your present circumstance, it's very percussive. OK it's not in the same league as tossing the caber/javelin/discus and similar no-no's, but I'm not sure it's a good idea.

    I'm not young enough to know everything - Oscar Wilde
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