I don't know whether to post this under cervical surgery pain or suicide. I am not finding the strength that I was hoping to find.
On 12/22/2011 I had a posterior cervical foraminotomay with fusion of C4-5 and revision of C5-6. My last fusion was C5-6 and it lasted about 1.5 years before problems. After 1.2 yrs, half of my right index finger went numb and I knew I was having probs that needed attention. The surgeon is supposed to be fantastic and I liked him, that is, until he did my surgery. No precautions were given except the usual stuff but when I woke up in recovery, my right arm from top of shoulder, deltoids & biceps to fingertips was numb and still is. My right arm is numb and I have lost about 75% of my strength. I have prepriopception or something where perception is off. I cannot even brush my hair or do most anything else. I cannot raise my arms above my head.
This seems bad enough but my damn surgeon has totally neglected me. He will not answer questions and I have only seen him one time since surgery on 12/22. I am an emotional wreck with no support or guidance. I am so angry with him that when I do meet with him I am afraid that I will tell him how cruel he has been and how he has neglected me. I asked him if there was some kind of counseling or support for his patients who had experienced an unanticipated consequence like paralysis. If this was not unintended, then it was intentional, and either way the surgeon owes me an explanation.
So I don't know whether to keep plugging and try to survive this or whether to give up and go by the wayside. I don't want to consider suing but if he is not going to communicate with me then I am left with few other options.
Does anyone know what I should do? My surgeon has not tested me to see what function I have lost etc. and what I have left. If he has not assessed a baseline of function then how can he tell if I am doing better or worse? I really don't know what to do. Am I supposed to become paralyzed and is the trick to learn to carry on as though nothing has changed and all is still fine. That works OK except when my shoulder freezes up and my "graceful" movements go by the wayside.
So I guess I am finding myself asking what is it all about and if my surgeon doesn't care then why should I. I have an appt with a neurosurgeon next week but am running out of energy to keep exploring. And I'm not sure that I want to hear that the paralysis is permanent because then I don't want to keep going.
I am in dire need of help and am not sure which forum is best for me. Thank you.