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New doctor... ugh

NumbskullNNumbskull Posts: 1,526
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:59 AM in Chronic Pain
I so hate going to see a new doctor... As most of you know, I just released from the military in November. So I just had my first appt with my new pcp on Friday, for my annual "female" check-up (nice way to meet her, lol). She's my mom's doctor, so she knows that I have multiple issues, and we discussed them quickly during the appointment. Anyways, at the end, she says "okay, see you in a year's time!" My jaw nearly hit the floor! I said, well, I'll be seeing you before that, as my med refills will need to be renewed next month! She thought that because I went to a pain clinic he did my meds, so I explained to her that he didn't want to, that he had asked if my previous pcp was okay with prescribing, he'd rather keep it that way, then he didn't have to get into doing the contract and urine testing. She says "well, what if I do that???" I told her I didn't care one way or another, it doesn't bother me in the least, he didn't want to, as it's extra work for him and his staff! So she said she didn't care, she would do it. So, she gave me refills for the next year, and again, says see you next year, but not only that, said, and hopefully as you finish up with your physio, you won't have to be on these meds for much longer. OMG. I guess she didn't even read her notes from the appt I had with her nurse practitioner last month, where all the info of my when my injuries happened, what injuries I have, what surgeries I've had, how long I've had them, what conservative care I've been through already through the years, etc etc etc... I tried to tell her, and she cut me off and just said yes, well, it all stems from your neck, so as your neck gets better, the rest will disappear. OMG AGAIN!!! I was livid.

Anyways, I was so flustered, I forgot that I had to ask her for a referral to a civilian psychiatrist as well (for my ptsd and anxiety). I remembered as soon as I walked out the office door, but when I walked back in, she already had someone else in, so they made me another appt for today. I also had a physio appt right before today, both offices are in the same building. My pt had told me that she had just done a letter to the VA outlining the program she's doing with me, what my issues were, that it's a chronic condition. I thought, awesome! and asked if I could have a copy to take to my doc. So, she fired a copy off to my doc, and when I got there, told the doc. Also that I had been seeing my pt on and off since 2009, so she knows me and my circumstances very well. That kind of opened her eyes a little I think.

So we get on the topic about the psych. First, she even questions me as to what kind of professional it is, didn't believe me when I said it was an actual psychiatrist. I tell her that the office is expecting the referral, and she makes a comment how it will take about 6 months to get an appointment. I said, no, they're expecting it, the doc already has my name. She waves her hand and makes some off hand comment. So, when I got a phone call 2 hours later from the psych's assistant to book my appointment for Feb 2, I sooo wanted to call her back to let her know how wrong she was, again. And all this to find out that she herself was in the military at one time too! So much for looking out for each other.

I'm just not getting warm fuzzies from this chick. My mom loves her, but I just don't think she has the capability or wants to take the time that I need her to. I mean, as a primary care provider, aren't they supposed to take an active part in our health care? I'm now stuck with her, as we're bound to a doctor for a certain amount of time once we've signed on with one, I think 6 months or something. So I have to give her a chance, but if she doesn't live up, I'm going to ask her for a referral to someone who is actually going to care and be active and possibly at least a little proactive in my care. I have a good understanding of what my issues are, but there is a lot I still don't know, as there are still things that the military left undiagnosed or that are ongoing, and she's made me feel like I shouldn't be going in to see her. I don't know what to do.
APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own


  • Oh wow Kelly, 2 appointments in one day and she still didn't listen to you!! :( I don't know what to say. I am kind of surprised your PM does not do you pain meds? I mean isn't that their specialty...
    ACDF C4-5 June 23rd, 2011

    Another surgery in the near future. I am 26 years old.

    Current Meds- Norco 7.5/325, Cymbalta 60mg, Gabapentin, Adderall 20mg
  • Oh, I was already on all my meds before I even started seeing my pm, as prescribed by my primary doc in the military. He agreed with them all and said if they're working, stick with them, and it's just easier for my pcp to keep prescribing, as he would have to get into the whole contract and urine testing. He does all my injections, he's an anesthesiologist.
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • My daughter (who has a back injury) is facing getting a new Dr soon and the very thought of it stress her out to the MAX! Will she/he give her a hard time about pain meds, PT, treatments etc et. You know how that can all go so bad :(

    I feel so bad for you & anyone who has to go through this crap!!!!

    I am assuming your mom has few health issues and that could be why her & the Dr get along so well?

    Please keep us posted :)
    L1 - S2 "gone" useless in 1 way or another. DDD. RA. Bone Spurs. Tons of nerve damage/issues. Stenosis. Both knees replaced. 50 yrs old. I had a great fall (hence my user name) at age 41 and it has been a domino effect every since.
  • lol, my mom is a retired RN, and they used to work together. Everyone loved my mom, my pm used to work with her as well when he was interning. Fortunately, I get along famously with him.

    So my mom called and asked how my appt with her went today, so I told her what happened. She said that she "has to be in control of everything" and I'm headstrong too, lol, so obviously we're butting heads. I said that doesn't excuse her not listening to me, and not believing a word I'm saying, I mean, really, to not believe me when I'm telling her that the person I'm asking for a referral to is a psychiatrist and not a psychologist? As if I wouldn't know that when I brought her all of the office information myself and told her I've already been in contact with the office? This still has me on edge, can you tell... lol
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • Kelly,

    You need to relax a little, and give it sometime. Somethings that are so very very important is one building a relationship with a doctor which takes time. Even though the doctor knows you in a round about way from your mother, she still doesn't know you. Unfortunately if they have been in practice very long they have become hardened sometimes by the things patients say and do. Which is where the relationship comes in once they know you it is a bit more relaxed. It also sounds as though in this appointment you were trying to cover to many areas, which can get tricky when your dealing with chronic pain patients as our histories alone are rather long. Now of course I am not saying she did completely right or you did wrong. Unfortunately there is no right or wrong, really. I just thing there was so much to cover in the appointment and maybe the doctor needed sometime to digest it all. One thing I am impressed with is she filled your meds without many issues, sometimes many doctors won't touch filling meds on a first appointment.

    I say keep your eyes opened for another doctor yet give this doctor a try as well and a fair shake to make it right. Keep in mind relationships just take a long time to build. I am thinking any new doctor there is going to be some fumbling going on, in the beginning, but hopefully it will all work out for the best, in the end. Kudo's to your PT for filling the paper work out. Just keep your files up to date in case you need to change.
  • Takes time to build a relarionship with the dr? Kelly is not looking for a date. She is there for treatment,

    Save the building relationship for dating. Git-ir-done.

    My GP is female and she give me a procto exam few years ago so i asked her out to dinner during the exam, It was so very romantic,
    Flexicore ADR 2004 resulting nerve damage l4l5 Fusion 2006 same level, 2009 hardware removal with lami !
    2012 scs implant ,
  • with Alex. Too bad the relationship got off to a shaky start. My feeling, Kelly, is that you should be firm with her, since your health is involved, and since you're stuck with her for six months, start looking for another doctor in case this ends up not working out. Keep us posted, and best wishes! >:D< , Ess
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,842

    Sometimes you know right off from the start that there is little to no chemistry between two people. Same with doctors. I know from my personal experiences, the initial meeting with a doctor sort of outlined what was to follow.

    Since most of us have more than just simple medical situations, it gets a bit more complicated.

    First, it takes bringing the new doctor up to a level where they understand your situation, your previous experiences,treatments,surgeries, etc and where you are today. To me, thats where the start of any trust and confidence with a new doctor will begin.

    You know yourself better than anyone else. You know what you need to do.
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • Great info Ron.
    I also have had a 'go-round' with my GP. 3.5 years of "it". I stuck it out- (no choice, can't change dr's where i am in a small town). I learned how to be more assertive, more pro-active for myself during this process.
    I also know what it is like to have huge anxiety, just thinking of going to see "him". Of what he'd say.. or the cruel things he could say to me.
    I recently had an appt with a PM doctor. I did not jive with this doctor, not at all. I felt like a piece of cattle being pushed through the doors.
    So, rather than just going along with what he "thinks" "may" help me, I decided to demand, yes demand,a second opinion. I am currently waiting for that appt.. but, i am proud of myself for standing up to him, for knowing something is not jiving with us, and I couldn't see him as part of MY team, to get in better health.
    Fingers crossed for the next one-- I need to have a doctor on my team that I feel cares more for me than what perscription they can next give me, or shot, or whatever.
    Sorry to babble on so ... I guess I wanted you to know that feeling the extra frustrations of a doctor that is not on your team, of not understanding.
    Boy, I wish I could write as eloquently as Ron! And Alexhurting, oh how you had me laughing...dating the dr!! lol....
  • Thanks everyone for your input. She does actually know all of my issues, as I said, my mom has "loose lips" lol. She even asked me about my ex, how I was enjoying my new house, and if I was still considering moving up to Whitehorse (if any of you remember, we broke up last August, and I moved into my new house in September!!) Alex - so not dating again for a long time to come yet... LOL

    Ron, I think I do need to bring her more up to speed though, yes. That became apparent from the look on her face when I told her I'd been in physio on and off since 09 here in Kingston, and actually since 07 for my neck. She asked when I originally injured my neck, which was back in 2000. That was when a little light bulb went off over her head. I don't think she really realized the complexity of my situation. But even after that, she still continued to speak to me like I was an idiot and not believe what I was telling her, or it just wasn't sinking in.

    I do have a back-up plan, a doc in the same clinic who I was actually going to go to initially, he's the son of the family doc we had when I was a kid. My mom had spoken to him, and he told her he would take me, and then I ran into him at one point, and told him all my issues, and he told me to come in to see him when I released from the military, he would take me on. However, he and I were good friends growing up and throughout our teen years until we went off to college/university, and I figured when it came time for those certain appointments, well, there are just some things that he should just not see... LOL Talk about awkward. They do have PAs and nurse practitioners though, that I could request for those particular appts. So if she doesn't live up to her end of the bargain with my health care, I think I just might revisit my decision and give him a call.

    Ess and Sally, you guys are right, we do have to be firm, and ensure that we are taken care of. I wish you luck on your next appt Sally, I hope you get the help you need!
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • I am happy to hear you do have another option :)

    Yeah I would vote for the PA for the "other" exams ;)

    Please do keep us updated...
    L1 - S2 "gone" useless in 1 way or another. DDD. RA. Bone Spurs. Tons of nerve damage/issues. Stenosis. Both knees replaced. 50 yrs old. I had a great fall (hence my user name) at age 41 and it has been a domino effect every since.
  • I had just about that same problem with my own Doctor. I did my best to find a new Doctor(the clinic turned me over to hem when my Doctor left)No Doctor here would take me because of my chronic pain issues.
    I would be soo stressed when I had to see hem and my pain would be off the charts as well as my blood pressure!! I had to put up with hem for 2 long years!!

    He left the clinic so I am happy to say that I now have a new Doctor!! Tippeeeee, Woweeee, Huba Huba, doing cart wheels.

    I really like this new Doctor. She is just a tiny thing, no bigger than a cake of soap.

    Best of luck Kelly, hope you can get this Doctor to open her eyes. Put that foot down HARD!!
    Sending a hug coz you need one. >:D<

    Patsy W
  • It does take time to develop a relationship with a doctor and like Ron said, many times it's apparent from the start if you "click" with the new doc or not. If not, it might set the standard.

    My PCP found my initial cervical issues and I've only seen her once since it all started. I deal with my surgeon primarily now, he still prescribes my meds, but at some point I need to get back to my PCP - it's time for a physical and lady stuff. I'm not sure I want to go back to her, though, and have thought about trying a new one, but I'm afraid that the new one won't understand the complexity of it all. There's really nothing wrong with my current PCP, so perhaps after reading your story, I'll just stick with her. At lease she knows and has been copied on all the stuff that I've had going on with my surgeon.

    I hope that the new doc turns out to be understanding after a while and you don't have to change. But if you do go to your "old friend", I don't think I'd be able to let him do the "woman" checking either. How awkward!

    Good luck and keep us posted.
  • j.howiejj.howie Brentwood, Ca., USAPosts: 1,730
    the anxiety of switching your military Dr's for civilian Dr's.
    Most people don't identify witch Dr. it is when they're speaking of one. Pain management, Surgeon, General Practitioner, Physiatrist, anesthesiologist, Podiatrist, Well you get the drift.LOL
    But I'm going to assume you are seeing a G.P. to get referral's to a P.M.Dr. to get a referral to a Psychiatrist, and so on and so forth. (a new team). And I don't know how things are done in all of our wonderful countries that make up this S.H. forum. But all of that is kinda off topic...and to stay on the topic.

    I would just freak out and melt down if I had to get a new P.M. Dr. And pee my pants if If I had to pick out a new Team.
    My P.M. Dr. runs the whole show. Meds, Referral's, and everything else.
    And like John,(the teacher)8683 I think. I have a good re pore with my P.M. Dr. of 13 years. He trusts me, I trust him. Hell, half the time he asks me what hard copy narcotics to write. I told him on my last visit that I though my break through just wasn't working anymore. He said we can up the dosage. And I said I think I've been on it to long, and built up a resistance to it and would like to change to another med without Tylenol in it. And he took my word for it. And changed the script. No problem. I just can't even imagine what you are going through. And I feel so sorry for you! But I'm sure you'll get through it!
    Click my name to see my Medical history
    You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
    Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!
  • stopping in to see how you are doing ? :)
    L1 - S2 "gone" useless in 1 way or another. DDD. RA. Bone Spurs. Tons of nerve damage/issues. Stenosis. Both knees replaced. 50 yrs old. I had a great fall (hence my user name) at age 41 and it has been a domino effect every since.
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