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Chronic pain and sex

JuanCarlosJuanCarlos Posts: 13
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:00 AM in Chronic Pain
Sex is part of life, moreover, sex is part of anyone's healthy life. However with pain, who is in the mood? And it's not just the pain during the act, it's that terrible delayed pain... Any hints? No need to be graphical though it would be appreciated ... :wink:" alt=":wink:" height="20" />
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  • not only is mood a problem the motion of the ocean does not rock the boat if you get my drift. ever since my last fusion, i believe a nerve was cut and it is semi workin'. also testerone level is 30 which is way low. i take supplements for testesterone but no interest. in the past it made me feel like a 16 year old and sometimes nothing at all.mr dr says the oxycontin lowers the testerone levels but I don't know.
    oh wellie well
    jon
    I have 4 fusions from L5-3, the latest last May '12 where they fixed my disc that broke.They went through my side this time. I take 40 mg of oxycontin 4x a day and 4 fenatyl lollipops 300 micro gms 4x a day.
  • Yes, it sucks. It is pain and the worry of hurting yourself and your partner's worry of hurting you.

    Can you take 'pre-emptive' medication? I was taking an advil or 8-hour slow release tylenol beforehand just to make sure that any post-activity inflammation was kept to a minimum. Also, get up and walk afterward. I realize not ideal but I've found it's key to ensure you don't hurt so much later.

  • i am sure i knew what it was once {LOL}have not been able to have sex for at least 6 years due to pain and not being able to move as you need to during sex .many back pain patients are unable to manage the act .its just another thing that back pain take from you ..anyone that still have a healthy sex life is very lucky and there back has not deteriorated as much as others .so NO sorry can't help
    tony
    1997 laminectomy
    2007 repeat laminectomy and discectomy L4/L5
    2011 ALIF {L4/L5/S1}
    2012 ? bowel problems .still under investigation
    2014 bladder operation may 19th 2014
  • OMG :) I had it for the first time in over 2 years on Valentines Day this week. We had been talking up this "date night" for about 3 weeks and were committed to going through with it. I had alot of anxiety over it.

    I had a few glasses of wine (ok'd by my dr for this exact occation btw) and we used a lot of pillow as props (sorry for the gorry details) but it worked and it was fun :) just like it used to be. We have been married almost 20 years now.

    Hubby has had a prescription for viaagra since he was diagnosed with diabetes 12 years ago. Those little blue pills work really well for him. I wish there was something for me. I have ZERO sex drive. I also have a lot of guilt about it and feel it is unfair to my husband who had always had a decent sex drive. We are like really good room mates and we need to have more intimate times even if he's just rubbing my ankes & feet.

    He had said something in a fit of anger a few months back that really hurt my feelings- he said "that our sex life was over, your crippled and I am a diabetic we better get used to it". I am not ready to accept that. I know he is not and I could see pain in eye when he said it so I started picking up sexy night gowns, fixing the bed room so it looks more sexy and less like a hospital bed.... Mostly I started talking about wanting to give it another try (not for me really but for him). Dropping some hints and he was all for it.

    If you guys have pain while doing it try other positions until you find the best configuration for you.

    Of course I have been in uncontrollable pain all week and I am not certain if it was the sex or the medication change (dropped zanaflex for flexrile).... Called the PM today but she was gone for the day.

    We are supposed to have another date tomorrow or Sunday night. We will see how that goes.

    JULIE
  • Sex is i believe a very important part of a relationship,
    Pain of course can lower anyones sex drive,

    The emotional stress from the pain can very much affect the mood,
    But unless you are paralized from the waist down or there is a direct medical cause for not being able to have sex, there is no reason other then those reasons not to,

    I think sometimes the over worry about geting hurt is an issue for many people when most times if they already had surgery and spine is stable enough, the worry about geting hurt is simply emotional only,

    If you are already hurting sex wont kill ya, It might be slightly awkward to get started and sure you will feel some pain and muscles hurting because those muscles have not been used for a while,

    But once your body endorphens kick in you would be suprised how much pain releif you get from sex,

    Its probably the most healthy thing for the spine geting some circulation to those back muscles that have been weak from previous surgery,

    So as long as some relaxation is used to get in the mood is all thats needed,

    Or just pick up some porn movie with your partner and git-ir-done!

    Good chance you wont have any problems with sleep either after sex,

    Also the more you get use to doing it the easier it will get, Of course i am refering to who has not been doing it for a long while,

    Consider it like a once a week pt or more and your partner is your spoter as they do in weight lifting. Lol
    Flexicore ADR 2004 resulting nerve damage l4l5 Fusion 2006 same level, 2009 hardware removal with lami !
    2012 scs implant ,
  • You say total imposibility because mobility and the pain correct?

    What if the pain got beter now after this last surgery?
    Maybe for right now its too soon after your surgery but maybe anothe 6 months of healing and some pt to get slight mobility back even if its not where the levels are fused
    then is the posibility there?

    Flexicore ADR 2004 resulting nerve damage l4l5 Fusion 2006 same level, 2009 hardware removal with lami !
    2012 scs implant ,
  • If you're a man and your testosterone level is at 30, you have none, you're way past too low. In fact at that low you probably have more estrogen than you have testosterone.

    There are no pills for Low T so forget the herbal hype here. They don't work. They may help with libido but they are not increasing testosterone levels to any useful amount.

    I've been through this whole drill and got it under control. My testosterone level is now way above normal. Constant tired, depressed, uninterested in most things, inability to enjoy or want sex, etc... Most all gone. Makes a world of difference.

    Do your chronic pain meds hurt in this area. Yes they do. They are known libido crushers.

    I see a urologist but there are others that deal with this. Your GP is not the person to resolve it.

    If you're a woman the same holds true for estrogen levels. Same reactions pretty much. Dealing with it is a bit different.
  • My desire for sex is here and GONE - just like that! The desire lasts for maybe 3 minutes, so I tell hubby "act quick" lol ;)

    But most of the time I force myself to start and then as long as my pain meds are working I am happy I did a few minutes in to it.

    Our sex life is for the most part planned. I take my meds and do nothing else, wait for them to kick in, and make sure that afterwards I can either lay in bed for a few hrs or/and go soak in the tub.

    We also have a water bed so I don't have to do much "work" ;)

    L1 - S2 "gone" useless in 1 way or another. DDD. RA. Bone Spurs. Tons of nerve damage/issues. Stenosis. Both knees replaced. 50 yrs old. I had a great fall (hence my user name) at age 41 and it has been a domino effect every since.
  • 3 min? Wow. Talking about a quicky!
    Flexicore ADR 2004 resulting nerve damage l4l5 Fusion 2006 same level, 2009 hardware removal with lami !
    2012 scs implant ,
  • Sex I can't do it any more. But boy can i dreamn and talk about it (lol)

    Jim
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 10,059
    Wasnt that one of the Twelve dwarfs?
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • I was reading a post you replied to and saw that you have a water bed. I have always heard how bad they are for your back. Do you find that it gives you the proper support?
  • Well, it seems the ladies are the ones having more fun... Good for them!

    For my part, I'm taking Lyrica, one of its side effects being a change of libido. Well, for me it goes up somedays. In those days I experiment with my own to see how to reduce the trouble. But even the gentlest approach gives trouble. So, for the time being I'm not inviting anyone else to the party.

    Perhaps taking a new dose of pain killers afterwards may do the trick...
  • Ok if they damaged the nerve then that is a diferent story all together,
    If this last surgery is not helping you then you might of reached the end of the surgery phase of everything that can be done as i have,

    You might have to consider the scs if you have not tried that yet or the pain pump if you cant get pain under control after this last surgery,

    I wake up every morning myself at around 4 am from the pain and stifness and take meds just so i can go back to sleep and it does get old,

    As much as i dont like the idea of having anything else implanted in me i myself finaly giving in and having the scs implanted march 6 th,

    Once surgery fails there is no going back, I read some scs info on some medical website where dr,s share information and talk about the sooner the scs is done after surgery outcome has failed the beter results they have with the scs,

    Something to do with the scar tissue build up after surgery,
    Flexicore ADR 2004 resulting nerve damage l4l5 Fusion 2006 same level, 2009 hardware removal with lami !
    2012 scs implant ,
  • Look at it this way. Those of you in a relationship can talk about it and experiment a bit . . . maybe try alternate methods, etc. Imagine being an old, single woman with a high sex drive and no idea of how things would work! I can't really put myself out there in the dating world -- single white female, generally fun and loving but doesn't know if she would be able to have sex because her back is fused and sometimes hurts like hell. Chances are she would seize-up during intercourse and would be screaming for reasons other than pleasure. Ya, that would be fun. Aren't we all the lucky ones?
    3 level spinal fusion, L3/4, L4/5, L5/S1, November 2008. Stiff, but I can walk.
  • thankfully the sex phase in our relationship is not an issue ,it was amazing during the first 3.4 years but then it settle down ! and now kath is of that age where sex is not a major priority if you know what i mean ...and i am not bothered as i am in too much bloody pain .alex the thought of more surgey fills me with fear and i know many with plenty of horror stories about SCS but i wish you luck with yours .i think that i will have to wait and see what the consultant says and hopefully all will be well and i will get the green light to go swimming .that will be my recovery ,if that fails well i don't know what to do .but no more surgery .i can't cope with that good luck to anyone that's having surgey this year 2012
    1997 laminectomy
    2007 repeat laminectomy and discectomy L4/L5
    2011 ALIF {L4/L5/S1}
    2012 ? bowel problems .still under investigation
    2014 bladder operation may 19th 2014
  • Linda,

    I disagree completely. You're in the drivers seat woman and you don't even know it. You go ahead and find some older guy and tell him you have a high sex drive but no idea of how it would work. You have a back fusion and lost some flexibility. So you would need to try different things and see how it goes. He'll be falling over himself trying to make sure he pleases you and doesn't hurt you.

    Try it. I'll bet you money it works out. You are not destined to living a single life with no sex unless you chose to do so.

    Make some poor horny old man happy today. Jump him!!! :wink:" alt=":wink:" height="20" />

    Graham
    lsteller said:
    Look at it this way. Those of you in a relationship can talk about it and experiment a bit . . . maybe try alternate methods, etc. Imagine being an old, single woman with a high sex drive and no idea of how things would work! I can't really put myself out there in the dating world -- single white female, generally fun and loving but doesn't know if she would be able to have sex because her back is fused and sometimes hurts like hell. Chances are she would seize-up during intercourse and would be screaming for reasons other than pleasure. Ya, that would be fun. Aren't we all the lucky ones?
  • Post Deleted. Solicitation is never permitted at Spine-Health

    Ron DiLauro, Spine-Health System Administrator 02/19/12
  • Sjane - our waterbed is considered a no wave. It has "tubes" in it that keep it very supportive. My back LOVES my water bed and hates normal beds :)

    What a lot of people don't know is water beds have came a long ways (back/support wise) since they first were popular. I had one many years ago & after 1 week I gave it away! This was before my back injury and when they were very "wavy".



    L1 - S2 "gone" useless in 1 way or another. DDD. RA. Bone Spurs. Tons of nerve damage/issues. Stenosis. Both knees replaced. 50 yrs old. I had a great fall (hence my user name) at age 41 and it has been a domino effect every since.
  • Graham - You're too funny. I have actually put a profile on a dating site but haven't had any takers, except for one guy who I think just wanted someone to IM with while he played with himself. Not the best relationship in the world. I have a dog, so at least I know I have a being who adores me. I guess, in the end, that's all that counts!
    3 level spinal fusion, L3/4, L4/5, L5/S1, November 2008. Stiff, but I can walk.
  • i just read the post mentioning the magic number of testerone of 30, well guess what i had mine tested about 3 weeks ago and that was the number. he gave me androgel which sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. my testerone will go up but sometimes my desire does not which has happened now. i have had shots where i have to go in every 4-6 weeks, a major hastle and more expensive but they seem to work best for me. my little blue pills don't work because one has to have desire form the boom in the broom. if no desire, nothing will work. i am almost at point where i will go in and get shots instead of androgel and see if this works better. my pain dr says pain meds, narcotics will lower ones testerone but i have not heard of this before.
    any ideas guys or gals? it is depressing that i have no desire and no motion. two strikes against me as of now.
    jon
    I have 4 fusions from L5-3, the latest last May '12 where they fixed my disc that broke.They went through my side this time. I take 40 mg of oxycontin 4x a day and 4 fenatyl lollipops 300 micro gms 4x a day.
  • Jon,

    So I'll just assume you are 50. Unless you are way pat that then start with these numbers.

    So 30 is no good. It isn't just about sex. A male with a testosterone level of 30 has no drive from what I can tell. 300 should be your minimum. A 70 year old man can have 300. Your target zone should be 500-700. Anything above that is very good. Mine normalizes out to 700-900. At 56 that is a rocking number. Not only do I have drive but I feel much better overall.

    It's not one thing. However what you are talking about. Yeah, I can go for weeks of wanting to do it then a down spell of not interested for a few days or a week then back again. So it does yo-yo some. I rarely take the little blue pill but have some.

    So if you have been on Androgel for 3 weeks then wait another week. Then get your blood work done, preferably in the morning, before you get into your daily routine. With Androgel you can go 4 measures. It's just messy and annoying. Don't let your wife or females touch the part of your skin with that on. Not for hours. It doesn't mix well with women. You can wash the excess off after a few hours. I found Androgel was ok but not great.

    Now my urologist will not do the 4-6 weeks shots. He says those have wild swings and it is just too much overhead. He also had problems with the steroid freaks trying to get him to shoot them. The hardcore body builders love that stuff.

    We tried Testopel and it works great and has a very consistent release. We did blood work monthly to see how long it would last. For me 3 months ok, 4 months pushing it. Testopel is little pellets that are inserted under the skin surface. They slowly dissolve and release the testosterone. So I go in for 1 hour every 3-4 months. Small incision, more annoying than anything else. He has a lot of patients on it now and only had a couple of them allergic react to it. Something to consider. I've been on it for over a year with no issues other than getting very aggressive when we bumped my dose up too high.

    Your meds don't help but it is what it is. I take no meds so we find out what these things do fairly quickly. Still waited 4 weeks before doing blood work. We also did blood work this time when I went in to see how it lasted and my T was still at 650 or so. While they do your blood work they also need to know your estradiol level. If it is too high then you may also need to take something else to get it down. That is a female hormone by the way. Some men create more of it than they should and don't know it. There are a few other parts to the blood test that I forget but those are the big ones.

    Graham
  • j.howiejj.howie Brentwood, Ca., USAPosts: 1,732
    The specialist to see is a Endocrinology Dr. I did And he ran the whole thing down to me. Drew me a diagram and everything.
    The problem is, I didn't save it My # was at 30 too. And he explained how it got there. I understood but not well enough to tell anyone. There are 3 things you need to make testosterone, like Graham said estradiol, something that, that makes,It's L, something and that makes testosterone.
    But if your taking opiates, that process can't take place. The opiats block the things that make the testosterone. And the more opiates you take. The more blocking takes place. Hope this helps.
    Jim
    Click my name to see my Medical history
    You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
    Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!
  • Do opiats do the same thing with the gals estrogen levels?
    L1 - S2 "gone" useless in 1 way or another. DDD. RA. Bone Spurs. Tons of nerve damage/issues. Stenosis. Both knees replaced. 50 yrs old. I had a great fall (hence my user name) at age 41 and it has been a domino effect every since.
  • i was told the same thing about opiates and testosterone levels also. the main issue i have had with androgel and other steroids i took for inflamations is that i have problems sleeping, mood swings and weight gain, 8 lbs in 2 weeks. that issue alone is a main problem with me.i stopped just to get my body back to where it was before. i took steroids for a nose infection i had. dr wanted to shrink my membranes because they were swollen to the point of blocking my nostral. i hate them. i might go back to injections due to less side effects with them.
    jon
    I have 4 fusions from L5-3, the latest last May '12 where they fixed my disc that broke.They went through my side this time. I take 40 mg of oxycontin 4x a day and 4 fenatyl lollipops 300 micro gms 4x a day.
  • I probably am not the right person to give advise as Mr. Wonderful dumped me several years ago for a more fully functional woman. With that in mind, time your meds so you have some relief but aren't zonked. Let your partner know that the most effective foreplay is a good LONG backrub. It is soothing, nurturing and puts you in a more romantic mood. A shorter back rub afterwards will help prevent you from spasming up. Best wishes to all.
  • I think what is worse is having the drive, but not
    knowing if everything will work or stay the course.
    Everything will be going fine then the wrong pain
    jab and well better luck next time. I am very lucky
    that I have a very loving and understanding wife of
    30 years. Of course if I am lucky enough and everything works and we have a good time I know I am going to spend the next day or two laid up on my back. All this having been said it still worth it.
  • to obtain an erection has gone due to the nerves being damaged during the 2nd operation .everything worked until then {it was unpleasant due to pain but all things worked} but when you are in pain you don't want sex ..even on your own ! .i can honestly say the last 6 years have been hell .yet again i am up in pain its 4 am here .i don't know how much more i can take
    tony
    1997 laminectomy
    2007 repeat laminectomy and discectomy L4/L5
    2011 ALIF {L4/L5/S1}
    2012 ? bowel problems .still under investigation
    2014 bladder operation may 19th 2014
  • K61 said:
    I think what is worse is having the drive, but not
    knowing if everything will work or stay the course.
    Everything will be going fine then the wrong pain
    jab and well better luck next time. I am very lucky
    that I have a very loving and understanding wife of
    30 years. Of course if I am lucky enough and everything works and we have a good time I know I am going to spend the next day or two laid up on my back. All this having been said it still worth it.

    If you don't get an "afterglow" back rub, you might consider taking a hot soak in the tub before going to sleep. It really is important to get those muscles relaxed after a "work out". Not doing so and then sleeping in the same position for a number of hours can really lock you up. I agree that those moments of normal loving interaction is worth the price we might pay the next day or two but sometimes we can get creative and lower that price. Best wishes to all.
  • Interesting conversation string and an amazing amount of responses in a short time!! LOL Years ago I had cancer and 6 mos of chemo which pretty much wiped out my thyroid. One night, before my pain got so very bad, we were talking about how I wasn't my usual randy self. I saw an endo MD for tests and my testosterone was really low. Had a bone scan and I'd already experience loss of bone mass. I was on the gels but was moved to once a week injection of testosterone and it has to be in my upper inner leg where it is very tender. I'm still very interested in sex and intimacy but with all the pain meds, it is very rare for me to finish. I take care of her (she says it, not me). Also when I had my fusion redone because the first one failed, they did an ALIF and hit one of my nerves so I'm basically the same as man who got his stuff clipped meaning even I manage the peak of Mt. Everest, it is like shooting a rifle with a blank! LOL The various opiates, muscle relaxers, and cymbalta, it is no wonder that my sensations rarely reach beyond the launch sequence! Oh, well, at least I can laugh about it!
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