I wanted to write this and to get some feedback as I have experinced this and I really do believe that many others have as well I just don't see it brought up much when speaking in reference to Chronic conditions,and I feel that the grieving process is a very important step for our growth aand aceptance of Chronic Pain and or Illness..
I have seen two different verions of "the grieving process/stages", A 7-step and the traditional 5-steps and I am going to use tips and bits from several articles, I will be using a 5-step example, and some of my own opinions and/or experience.
In our bereavement, we spend different lengths of time working through each step and express each stage more or less intensely. The five stages do not necessarily occur in order. We often move between stages before achieving a more peaceful acceptance of a chronic condition. . Throughout each stage, a common thread of hope emerges. As long as there is life, there is hope. As long as there is hope, there is life.
Many people do not experience the stages in the order listed below, which is okay. The key to understanding the stages is not to feel like you must go through every one of them, in precise order. Instead, it’s more helpful to look at them as guides in the grieving process — it helps you understand and put into context where you are and grieving your diagnosis & conditions.
1. Denial and Isolation
The first reaction to learning of illness/Chroin condition is to deny the reality of the situation. It is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming emotions. It is a defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock. We block out the words and hide from the facts. This is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain.
As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends or family. Anger may be directed at ourselve's. Rationally, we know that we are not to be blamed. Emotionally, however, we may even resent the doctor whom gave us the diagnosis or blame ourselve's for our condition . We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry.
Remember, grieving is a personal process that has no time limit, nor one “right” way to do it.
The doctor who diagnosed the illness and was unable to cure the disease might become a convenient target.
Do not hesitate to ask your doctor to give you extra time or to explain just once more the details of your condition/diagnosis
Arrange a special appointment or ask that he telephone you at the end of his day. Ask for clear answers to your questions regarding medical diagnosis and treatment. Understand the options available to you. Take your time.
The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control–
•If only we had sought medical attention sooner…
•If only we got a second opinion from another doctor…
•If only we had tried to be a better person toward them…
Secretly, we may make a deal with God or our higher power in an attempt to postpone the inevitable. This is a weaker line of defense to protect us from the painful reality.
Two types of depression are associated with mourning. The first one is a reaction to practical implications relating to the loss. Sadness and regret predominate this type of depression. We worry about the medical costs and strain onto our loved ones.
We worry that, in our grief, we have spent less time with others that depend on us. This phase may be eased by simple clarification and reassurance. We may need a bit of helpful cooperation and a few kind words. The second type of depression is more subtle and, in a sense, perhaps more private. . Sometimes all we really need is a hug.
Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone.
the illness and/or diagnosis ay be sudden and unexpected or we may never see beyond our anger or denial. It is not necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and to deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression.
Coping with loss is a ultimately a deeply personal and singular experience — nobody can help you go through it more easily or understand all the emotions that you’re going through.in alot of cases you are grieving a very big loss, the person you used to be, healthy,active..ect
But others can be there for you and help comfort you through this process. The best thing you can do is to allow yourself to feel the grief as it comes over you. Resisting it only will prolong the natural process of healing.
I had a very very hard time with all of this, And I was a very optimistic person, I was vivacious and alive, and alothough I am still working my way through the grieving process, It seems like a bomb went of right in the middle of my life, I was young,healthy atractive,active all of those things I am no longer,and I feel that I have suffered a huge loss..The old me has died. I am learning more in more everyday about how although I am not the same person, That doesn't mean that I can't do ANYTHING it just means that I have to learn how to do things that I can still do differently.
*this is not intended as to qoute any secific persons and/or companies/treament facilities *It is just what I've gathered and has helped me and is not intended for any medical advice, JUST my own thoughts.
I hope maybe some of you can relate to this and understand that we're not alot and this is just part of the process especially after you've just been diasnosed or have been battling for years with a Chronic condition.
Posted on 03/27/12, 01:34 am