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chronic pain and stress pilling up!!!

newhouse17nnewhouse17 Posts: 133
edited 06/11/2012 - 9:02 AM in Chronic Pain
Hello everyone,

Haven't been here in awhile. Moved in August to a smaller house to accomodate my disability so I've been really bizzy. Anyway, I went off the vicodin once again to see If I can manage but yet again I can't. Been off since March and not doing well. Pain is constant and have tried everything to control it without the meds. If thats not enough my daughter who is 17 may be bi-polar, have had 4 manic-like episodes in last 2 years and last week was a doosy!!! Spent two hours at doctors office sitting in a hard chair crying my eyes out because I think they're going to admit her to a hospital. Luckly they didn't. Do you ever feel like you yourself are going crazy? This chronic pain is sucking the life out of me and how am I suppose to take care of my daughter when I'm broken myself?

Do you ever feel like your all alone? My husband hates me being on the meds and we argue a lot on the subject. I don't understand him because Im not addicted to the vicodin I need it to fuction!! If I take it I can lead a somewhat normal life. If I don't Im on the couch all day crying because my back and legs hurt. Having to plan each day in advance is driving me crazy. Today I'll go to the store, tomorrow rest, next day do the laundry, tomorrow rest. Play with the kids, fall down, rest for days AH!!! I get so tired of the arguing!Sometimes I ask God to give me one day to switch with my husband so he can experience exactly what I go through in a day. Then just maybe he'd shut up!!!

Do you ever feel like this? Do you ever think that maybe your better off just keeping all your feelings inside and putting a smile on your face so others are happy even though your pain is killing you inside? Sorry for the rant, typing through tears, thanks for listening.




  • j.howiejj.howie Brentwood, Ca., USAPosts: 1,730
    I think all of us have felt that way. If not full time. Then every now and then.
    It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. And you need to function.
    If you can't function in that pain. Then for Gods' sake, take the vicodin.
    You can't be any good to anyone else, if your not good to yourself.
    Welcome back...and that is one of the reasons we're here....Rant away!
    Click my name to see my Medical history
    You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
    Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!
  • I sure feel like its getting too much sometimes. People just do not understand what it is like to be in pain all the time and try and function in a somewhat normal way.

    You have a lot going on. Its good to rant and get things off your chest. Tears are the safety valve for the heart.

    Remember we are here if you need us.

    L4/L5 laminectomy, L4/L5 360 fusion with instrumentation, L1 to L5 fusion, L5/S1 fusion w/ disc replacement, left and right SI joints fused.
  • K - PLEASE don't take this the wrong way as I do understand we each are different, however I can tell you right now that no way in h*ll would my spouse tell me if to take my pain meds or not!!! He tried it once! And I showed him what a crazy raging women looks like. :O

    Please consider taking your pills and at least you can fight with him while keeping your pain under control ;)

    If he is willing take him with you to your next Dr appt and let your Dr speak to him.

    Being in the level of pain your in day in and day out is not only stressful it is not healthy!!

    Please take care of yourself :hug:
    L1 - S2 "gone" useless in 1 way or another. DDD. RA. Bone Spurs. Tons of nerve damage/issues. Stenosis. Both knees replaced. 50 yrs old. I had a great fall (hence my user name) at age 41 and it has been a domino effect every since.
  • Hi K,as far as your significant other,take the pain medication as prescribed and as needed. I would think you have/had heard the saying opinions are like rectums,everyone has one. People have the rite to teir thoughts,feelings and opinions but the trouble starts with the judgement and condemnation.

    I have had #4 back surgeries in the last 9 years,have had chronic pain for the 9 years as well. My wife and I have been married for 19 years. I guess our marriage was pretty fair before hurting my back and all the losses that acompany a back injury. Before my back surgeries I consistantly worked 100 hours a week and wife stayed home and when not taking care of our children/home before the children started school she was going to college and or training for another marathon.

    What I am getting at is I thought when we were married that would be forever,boy was I naieve.
    If your spouse is anything near as unsupporting as mine is/was then its going to be really tough. After the first back surgery and the prospect of not being able to work I remember my doctor suggesting that my wife has unrealistic expectations. Not only do they not understand but some of them (seems to in my wifes case,they do not care to understand. If your not already with a good therapist well versed in chronic pain CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) then I would suggest jumping in rite away with both feet and hopefully your spouse would be willing to participate as well.

    Needless to say after finally figuring out (accepting)my wife wants out,and reqally trying to not get into a pitty party over it,I am giving her the divorce she wants. We have 2 young children and this was/has not been an easy decision. Maybe she desires/needs someone else to take care of her since I am broken. Anyways I wish you good luck and can say from experience that after almost 20 years of marriage have found that when one of you have serious/persistant illness and/or financial stress(s),this is when eaither your spouse becomes part of the problem or shows unconditional love and becomes part of the solution,good luck.

    tim schroeder
  • I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. Like you, I can take vicodin and actually function through the day. I have a very strenuous job and couldn't do it without some help. I also take muscle relaxants.

    Unlike you, however, my hubby is very supportive and makes sure I have my meds with me whenever we go out. He's seen what it's like when I don't have them and need something and he hates that worse than my taking them.

    It concerns me that he'd rather see you in pain than taking a pill. It seems a bit heartless and selfish.

    I'm with Jim - if they help you function then take them and to heck with the hubby. He's not the one trying to just function on a daily basis. MsHD is right - the stress this brings you is not healthy and can actually cause you even more pain.

    Good luck to you, I hope you can get your hubby to understand, perhaps by having him talk to the doctor, like was suggested.

  • So sorry to hear about the divorce. The one thing you don't need on top of all the chronic pain etc.

    My boyfriend dumped me (we were talking marriage) right after I got out of the hospital with my 2nd fusion (L1-L5). No one can understand the pain etc unless they have been there.

    We are here for you so don't hesitate to jump on forum and vent or update us.

    L4/L5 laminectomy, L4/L5 360 fusion with instrumentation, L1 to L5 fusion, L5/S1 fusion w/ disc replacement, left and right SI joints fused.
  • Thanks for your kind words. Sometimes it gets to be too much for me to handle. Today is no different. While doing light housework, felt a pop in my lower back with pain that shot up to my neck and down to my feet.I fell on the floor, luckley I have carpet, and loss control of my bladder. I was mortified!!! There I sat in a pile of urine crying my eyes out in pain. This has never happened before. I called my doc and the nurse said that the ADR must have been adjusting and hit nerves. They always have some excuse don't they? Like I did my job right so you must be crazy! She said as long as I continue to urinate regularly and am pain level isn't 8 or above, I should be good in a couple of days. If not call us back and we'll schedule you in or you should go to emergency room after hours if need be. This is not normal Aholes!!!! At the time I was told that this was my only option or I would be paralized in 5 yrs. but If I could do it again I would have taken my chances and not had this surgery or would have opted for double fusion instead. The pain in always where the ADR is and not underneath where its fused. TAkeing the meds, hell I just might take two.LOL
  • You should not be trying to manage without the meds. Falling and loosing control of your bladder would lead me straight to the ER. Makes you wonder if the nurse even talked to your Dr.
    laminectomy c4/c5 2008, ACDF c4-c7 Jan 20 2014 sched
  • Chronic pain is the worst thing ever, especially back pain! I wish your husband was more supportive with you, I am on many pain meds as well, I hurt my back 3 1/2 years ago and suffer with chronic and severe pain.I am scheduled to have an IDET in June and it this does not work then I will have a double fusion! I have been on bed rest for a month now due to the severe pain,had epidural didn't touch the pain at all! I have fallen this week going down the stairs, normally my husband is helping me but didn't want to wake him up! I am on several meds percocet 10/325 Fentanyl patches, steroids,muscle relaxers,nuerotin,celebrex,ambiem,and tramadol! Im not huge on taking all these meds and several of them are new due to the amount of pain I am in, I can't do anything without help and I thank god for my husband! Oh and I am only 40 yrs old!
  • im in so much stress because of my disability i have come out with eczemaa all over my face. i am in a right state lately all because of ATOS and the NHS. i have a blog if anyone want to browsy. please feel free to follow my blog. heres the link. http://kennysnhsadventure.blogspot.co.uk/
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