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Life sucks

Been gone a long time, dont know if anyone remembers me oh well lol. My life turned inside out and nuked beyond recognition. My hubby abandoned me after 20 yrs of marriage. Said I was a burden, turned off because I gained weight (effing Lyrica!!!!) Just when I was making strides after having pain pump put in. At least I'm not bedridden like I almost was, I tolerate sitting, standing, driving, and walking better than back then. I even dropped the weight. A little too late. Who will want me with my issues? Am I doomed to be alone forever? I live for my kids now and am trying hard to reinvent myself. Not getting child support so I've been looking for something I can do, but prospects are low because I been out of work force for years and get SSDI & SSI. I sang praises about my hubby here when he was good to me. He related to my back problems bc he also blew out disc but he recovered on his own mostly. I dont get it, I would rub his back all the time. When I needed mine done it was very brisk or I got barked at for keeping him awake. Anyway ladies never get comfy, just when you think things are ok or manageable then the bottom drops out. At least that what happened to me.


  • Long time no see. I remember you of course! I'm sorry to hear your marriage broke up. I'm glad you're able to get around better and lost some weight and feeling better. I hope you can find some companion and why not if you're looking good? See you. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,862
    No doubt that I remember you. Its been a very long time since i've seen you here. Yeh, life can suck... And you and I and many others know , its not just because of our physical problems, but what else that brings or tags along.
    I am sorry that your husband decided to bail out on you. I dont think there is even a good reason...Ok, as we move along with our problems, we do gain weight, we do slow down, or activity ( beyond the normal stuff ) aint there , but in our hearts we are still the same person.
    Stay aboard here, we cant make your days brighter, but hopefully we can help you along the way even if its just an inch at a time
    Miss you
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • That is so sweet, so nice to hear from you. Feels great to be welcomed back. You guys are like family. Oh boy do i have lots of catching up. My avatar pix is my recently departed pekingese Sissy..i cried when i saw this. So much unbelivable loss for me & kids this year. Anyway its good to be here
  • Hi Meydey. I'm new here, but I'm very sorry to hear about your husband. I can't imagine how hard that must be. Anyway i just wanted to say hello.
  • sorry to hear about your marriage. please don't let him take you down. you get out there go for walks. join a group of some type. karma's a _____ and no doubt he will find his. I have heard more than few woman in same situation and some much worse. I am married and happy I think . You never know what a person is truly thinking. as I tell my d whos 22 you never ever put your whole self into someone ever. Always stash few bucks just in case. I have been thru the divorce from hell. And ya know karma does come to those who deserve it, my ex is still single and alone. I have been lucky to run into my h.s. sweetie and we are married as we wanted to be at 16. glad we waited. try to look in different areas for support. maybe a hospital or church or even ymca's. ask your doc offices. I know nothing anyone can say can take the pain you feel away. but just know we are here so vent, cry, chat whatever you need we are here. And in time you will see that you are much better off without him. stay strong and know you are worth alot more than he gave you. hugs hugs
    neck,bone spurs pain started 04, back issues and fusion l4,l5 06~hardware removed.
    good few yrs. 09 pain sharp, numbness feet,legs, diagnosed fibro, neurop. legs.lung issues.
    daily goal do good thing for someone.
  • I am so sorry. Is there any room in your boat? I'm on my way to join you soon, I think. Its not my husbands fault, its not all mine either, it just sucks. I am not the same person anymore, I'm tired and hurting. I try to make the good days count, but the others seem to be the ones that come the most. I am trying to hold a job and help out as times are hard. The more hours I work, the more damage I do to myself, a vicious cycle. Its effecting "other" areas as well. If I have to pull a 12 hr shift on my feet all day, I don't want touched the night before. He says he "understands", but it usually ends up in an argument. If I can avoid family outings, I do. I need to sleep sometime, nights are rough. I don't sleep much. Anyway, I am again so sorry. Be strong and hold your head up. There has got to be a light at the end of this very dark, lonely tunnel. I will keep you in my prayers.
  • I'm new here and it is true that life can really suck sometimes. I was divorced after 20 years of marriage as well, the ex wouldn't even try counseling or anything. Just one day he decided he was done. In the end I realized that I was really unhappy for years and I didn't know until I was away from him. He was dragging me down and adding to my issues and he too got to be very uncaring.

    I realize medical issues are no walk in the park and can add a lot of stress but well that's your job as a spouse in my world! You will be OK. You will find someone. At least I hope because then that means that there is hope for me too. :) I dated someone for about 7 mos and it didn't work out and have now been single again for 8 mos. I have 2 boys and 3 dogs and for now I'm just working on me and despite the pain learning to be happy again. I have surgery in 5 days and well I do think about sometimes who will ever want to be with me? I'm overweight, over 40, have kids, chronic pain. So at least you know you're not alone! HUGS But in the end I'm SO much more than that. We just have to learn to believe it!
  • mazie456mmazie456 Posts: 36
    edited 07/13/2012 - 10:24 PM
    I am so sorry to read your post! I can relate to pretty much every word you have written, especially your description of your life being 'turned inside out and nuked beyond recognition.' My husband of 29yrs sent me an e-mail last April to inform me he was seeing someone else and wanted a divorce. It still boggles my mind that he thought it was okay to inform me that way, what a coward! I was not surprised though, I suspected he was up to something, I even knew who she was. Like your husband, mine said he had spent ten years dealing with my back problems and he felt he had "done his time," as if it was a prison sentence. I too had gained about 40lbs due to Lyrica but he never mentioned that, never behaved as though it bothered him, not to my face at least. I have applied for SSDI but was denied, of course, and it will be some time until I can go before a judge. Are you seeing a therapist? I have found that very helpful as far trying to figure out who I am. It is very difficult going through divorce under normal circumstances. Throw in chronic pain, disability, and you add what can feel like the weight of the world.
    If you need someone to talk to who knows where you are, please do not hesitate to send me a private message and we can e-mail or talk on the phone. We both need all the support we can get!!
    Good Luck and Best Wishes
    PS~ I have lost 80lbs and that has been a great relief ;)

    Fused L2-3 to S1 and at C5-6. I have a central herniation @ T11-12 and multiple bulging discs in my thoracic. I also have fibromyalgia and suspected arachnoiditis, awaiting my results of a recent MRI.
  • Its sad to hear so many have relationship problems due to their painful conditions. I sought out this site for this exact reason. I knew I couldn't be the only one dealing with this! Please know that I am praying for all of you. <3

    My bf and I got married a couple months ago, but it wasn't valid because his divorce hadn't been finalized long enough. So now, he's not sure if he wants to get married "for real" because he isn't sure if he can follow through with the "for better or for worse" part of the vows due to my spinal injury and how stressful it is for him to "be there" for me... It is sooo painful emotionally to hear that! Especially since I've been so supportive of him through his nasty(and still ongoing) 3yr custody battle.

    We try to have a "light at the end of the tunnel" to look forward to at the end of each day by reading a daily devotional book each evening. It's a very positive way to end each day, but you both have to commit to it every evening. Maybe this can help you?

    Also, try to put God at the center of your relationship. You will be amazed at what a difference this makes, but again, it has to come from both of you.

    ((((HUGS TO ALL!!!))))
  • Thank you everyone for the kindness and comraderie. Its been crazy lately. New mri shows annular tear L3-4 right above my fusion at L4-5 and L5-S1. Also have scar tissue lump palpable thru skin at L4-5 segment. Hurts so much. Had some relief after dilaudid increase in pain pump for a week but now i feel terrible. Doctor says tear might heal by itself or totally herniate. Omg I dont need this now, my kids depend on me and things are precarious financially. Lets wait & see what happens..
  • j.howiejj.howie Brentwood, Ca., USAPosts: 1,730
    What I can't believe is my burned out brain remembers your talking about your hubby and your dogie. I feel so sorry for you, the way things turned out.
    It's great to see you on here, but not under these conditions. I thought he was a stand up guy.
    It's hard enough for a spinney to put up with the pain and the life we have to live. And then something like this gets thrown into the mix. Life just isn't very fair for us sometimes. But your a survivor. Just put one foot in front of the other,and keep on going.
    Click my name to see my Medical history
    You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
    Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!
  • Of course you're remembered...we've spoken many times in the past. I haven't been on much lately either, but because of pain issues, bad news and withdrawing from life.

    With that said, my problems are nothing compared to yours. My heart so goes out to you. I haven't read the other responses yet, but so wanted to reply because we've talked so often and I feel so bad for you.

    I just read this to my hubby and he shook his head and said "what a cad" and that apparently he didn't take his vows very seriously. I have nothing to offer but friendship and support, but will say a prayer for you. I won't do the whole "when one door closes..." crud, because that doesn't mean much now I suppose. But I can say that my thoughts are with you and glad to see that you're renewing some valuable friendships here. Stay aboard...we're here for you every step of the way.

    Take care my friend,
  • snookiessnookie Posts: 359
    edited 07/18/2012 - 2:58 PM
    Hi Meyday,

    I am so sorry to hear about what your husband did. While this is not quite the same, I had been with my boyfriend for years, when I got hurt he was good for a couple months and then he became less supportive, followed by him staying out all hours of the night partying with strippers multiple times a week. That was the last straw for me and I asked him to leave. I have been single for the last 4 years, and I am a single mom, and I am quite happy this way. It is so much better to be single, than in a relationship that was making me miserable. Right now you need to look after you, and enjoy yourself. I went back to old hobbies, painting and doing crafts, that I never found time for when I was with him. It helped me get over the initial loneliness I was feeling, and gave me a lot of satisfaction, still does. In regards to the child support, I believe that as long as he has an income the courts will mandate that he has to pay child support, and they will enforce it. I am in Canada, but in my province we has a government agency that aids in that process. Is there something like that in your state?

    Like Jim said, just keep putting one foot in front of other.

  • Here I thought you went off and got better on us, unfortunate I see the opposite. Welcome back anyway, and were always glad to have you around. I know your kiddos are the most important thing in your life, but don't forget to take a portion of the day out for yourself. Hopefully your kids are at that age, and are involved in things and you can meet other single parents and share ways to make life a little easier. You might be on SSDI, but raising kids is a full time job, so be sure to look after yourself.

    As far as your H, well, I agree with Cath's husband, and not much to say on that front. While it easier for me to say than you see it, things have a way of working out. Just keep your head up, and know it all works out for the better. He not only left on you, but also his kiddo's and that I have no respect for. When you have kids you agree to put yourself before your kids and that is not what I see with him.

    Just thought I would stop by and say welcome back and hopefully things get better for you, and your kids.
  • Sorry I goofed my last reply. I'm on the mobile site, not the same as pc but getting used to it. Only way for now to be online due to financial crisis lol. Its all good lol. Thanks for all the heartfelt support & advice, i carry them w/ me in my heart. I dont feel so alone in this universe anymore. Baby steps one at a time, one day at a time.
  • Sorry I goofed my last reply. I'm on the mobile site, not the same as pc but getting used to it. Only way for now to be online due to financial crisis lol. Its all good lol. Thanks for all the heartfelt support & advice, i carry them w/ me in my heart. I dont feel so alone in this universe anymore. Baby steps one at a time, one day at a time.
  • paininohioppaininohio Posts: 240
    edited 08/16/2012 - 5:49 AM
    Hi Meydey, I'm just checking in to see how your holding up?
  • JohnJJohn Posts: 964
    edited 08/28/2012 - 3:58 AM
    Here again just passing through, all the good work still going on, I seemed to just be saying the same thing over and over, been setting smart new goals.

    Nice you are here Meydey, and good to see some new names, bless you all in helping others while in pain yourself, a gift.

    Take care and be kind to yourself, John.

    "Pain is Inevitable, misery is optional " Sternbach R A et al..
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