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End of my rope

Hello I am new to this site but long time pain patient. I played football for 12 years, a powerlifter for
8 years after that. Before the car accident 7 years ago all I have had up until then was ACL Reconstruction. After the car accident I had C5 & C6 Fusion, RT Shoulder Capsule Repair, and two more knee surgeries. They were just scopes. Piece of cake right. The back injury was only bad enough to send me to pain management.

Let me back up for just a second. The car accident was a workers comp case and two years to get through. Two years in house prison. Which would be fine if I were a lazy person. My point here is I already know what it is like to not be useful. And for a man that is not a confidence booster.

Fast forward to the present day. I wake up, go to the gym and then go to work. I had some discomfort but thought it was normal for me. Less than two hours into the day, pain level was rising, and on its way to a 10. I started by going to my chiropractor. He stated he could not help me. He felt I might have herniated a disc. Advised I call my PM Doc. So I did and they said to go to the ER. Was Lucky enough to get an MRI while I was there.

Did not receive any good news. Was advised to go see a surgeon. Went yesterday and was told that there was nothing he could do surgically. What horrible news to hear. Especially when there are three discs that are in bad shape. One herniated down into the vertabrae and caused it to fractured. My pain level is so bad I am currently screaming.

I am getting closer to the point here. Being a fighter I did not leave the doctors office on the best terms. So I found a neorosurgeon to look over my films. At this point I feel he is my last hope. And I have not even met the man. Why you ask? Because if my pain level is not reduced significantly very soon, I could possibly have to leave my job that I truly love. Where I make a difference. Where I am some what happy because I am apart of something. Which if that happens I would have to go on disability. A drain on those around me and once again stuck in house prison. Which I will not do. I will be at the end of my rope if I am left with having to deal with this much pain for any amount of time. I feel that there is only one option left. I definitely struggle with this option because of growing up in a Christian home.

How do people make it with unbearable pain? How do they make it without contributing to society? How do people make it sitting in a house day after day not living, only existing?

I am at the end of my rope!

Prayers are appreciated. And any good lucks with the neoro doc. It is the only hope I have at the moment. I must get back to work and survive.


  • PEDMMPPEDMM Posts: 39
    edited 07/14/2012 - 12:51 PM
  • Without being disrespectful, you make it my 1st not being selfish! And what I mean by that is. You must think about those around you, the people that go to you when they dont feel good. The ones that call YOU for help or just to be there for them, YOU grew up in a "Christian home/" Then you should know what I am talking about. I have lived in a house prison since 2005, and wha keeps me going is the lil ones that call me dad. We must be strong, and learn the things that help us get by everyday. I had to learn to live in ahouse prison like you call it and it wasnt easy.
    But you learn none the less, Dont give up. I have days where I have to scream, but I grab a pair of headphones and listen to something and it takes my mind elsewhere away from t he pain. I get up as much as I can and walk or just stand. But Ive learned and thats what Ive been trying to relay to you is that we can. And not to look at is a end of a rope situation.
    We just have to relearn, and maybe do something that we werent able to do while we were working full time. I force myself to take my boys to a book store take them to a pizza place give them tokens and get joy from thier joy as they enjoy life, That keeps me going. So please just find your place of where and what you can tolerate and be strong dont give up. I hope I havee shed new light your thoughts and we are here for you. IF you need to chat just let me know. Good luck with your next appoinment. keep us posted please
  • j.howiejj.howie Brentwood, Ca., USAPosts: 1,730
    Your already doing my first suggestion. Getting a second opinion, with imagining. The next would be to see your pain management Dr. And get a prescription to bring that pain level down. I don't see how you can manage with pain at that high of a pain level.
    I would consult with your Nero to find out if what you do at the gym is helping or hurting the situation.
    Click my name to see my Medical history
    You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
    Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!
  • Appreciate the comments.

    I have called the PM doc. They upped my Opana 40 to 60mg. They did not adjust my break through medicine. Which is Lorab 10mg / 1 / 4 times a day. This has not helped me at all. I have ice packs, tiger balm and use a tens unit. I am afraid to eat because I cannot sit down to use the restroom. This is day 4 of being down. My workouts have only consisted of cardio training.

    I have some more questions but need a break. Will follow up shortly. Thanks again for hearing me vent and understanding what it is I am going through.
  • Sorry for what pain your going thru. I and all of us know what severe pain is.
    I had to change and so did those around me. I learned quickly what things I would be missing, but I found out new things to do.
    I was the person in my house to do it all, and worked.
    The kids and hubby pitched in and still do...wow I was dumb for doing it all. It was me being controlling had to be my way.

    Even holiday dinners wow nice to sit in recliner and give them instructions.
    Okay I do miss the cooking (the way used to do it) Now my son 12 found he likes cooking (and good training ) for when he goes on is own.

    So for me I so miss the social part of my job, loved to help ladies spend their money.
    I am again trying to get disability and will keep trying. I have not worked in over 3 yrs.

    Yes yes it is hard to get used to, but you do what you can and ask for help when ya need it.
    I take it you have a pain doc then for medication. Soon as you get to see that neuro best to add to list of? okay to do that type of workout you are doing, it can be it's making things worse.

    I do some yoga poses not all, and I do water exercises when I can.
    Please let us know what the doc says. And please hang in there.
    hugs hugs
    neck,bone spurs pain started 04, back issues and fusion l4,l5 06~hardware removed.
    good few yrs. 09 pain sharp, numbness feet,legs, diagnosed fibro, neurop. legs.lung issues.
    daily goal do good thing for someone.
  • I have been thinking the same thing, how can I go through the next years with it, I am seeing nuro tomorrow to talk about things, something to either fix it or where I go from here, I have been active all my life, and now I cant even watch my grandkids, I can't see doing nothing the rest of my life
  • Bigshawn1234567BBigshawn1234567 Posts: 45
    edited 07/14/2012 - 3:13 PM
    Sounds as though you have good support around you. I am divorced and elected to not have children. The good point of being on my own is that when the pain is so severe I do not have to put on a happy face to be pleasant around. The down side is I don't have the support to lean on. As I am sure you are aware having help with everyday chores is a blessing when you are unable. Chores are a never ending job huh? Lol.

    I have spoken to a few folks who are the spouse of someone who has chronic pain. Raising a family is such a team effort and it takes it's toll on the spouse and kidos. Being in bed all the time and they feel helpless with not being able to help or fix you. Would be nice for them if a band-aid fixed everything. Then there is the financial side of it all. To and from the doctors offices. Calculate just the to and from the visit. Gas expense. Co-pay money. What about what insurance doesn't cover or if your deductible has not been met yet. Taking off from work to. Missing the hours worked. And the list goes on.

    Your comment on your three year battle to get your disability concerns me. I was unaware of how much of a challenge that is. Curious to know what steps have to be taken to achieve that goal. And what makes it such a challenge to accomplish.

    I am doing my best to stay in the moment. Meaning from what I have read it makes it worse when you stay worried about it all. I need to focus on my breathing and get through the next five minutes of pain. And continue to search for a plan to achieve less pain so that I can function. I'm not looking to go skydiving or mountain climbing. I just want to be able to work. Be able to do the chores around the house and be as active as I can. I don't want people to always ask " well how are you doing". Or are you still dealing with this issue. And so on.

    I have to be honest. Visiting this forum has helped. Hearing from those who know exactly what it's like be in such pain. And reading their posts. Thanks
  • Bigshawn1234567BBigshawn1234567 Posts: 45
    edited 07/14/2012 - 4:54 PM
    I would like to see in my lifetime some real solutions. Want the decision makers to spend more on research to overcome the pain challenges so many of us face. I do not wish my suffering on anyone, but if they had a few days of what we feel all the time, they might do more.

    Part of me thinks they won't because they wouldn't see enough knee replacements. Or cervical fusion surgeries. Just like those who profit off the oil and gas industry don't want us overfilled with electric cars.

    Today was a very bad day. The thoughts that went through my head to alleviate my pain really bothers me. It amazes me what one contemplates when you cannot find any relief.

    I wonder where the doctors are that have chronic pain and find out what they are doing to overcome it with success. I think I will google that.

    Pain Sucks!!!!
  • i have spine pain over 15 years i can feel how u feeling been de doon dat i consider sucide bf but i still keep holding on today i got help keep posotive attitude despite all go tur the emotion of not living but fight help will come, i had to chek into a psychatric insitute cause of sucide and pain
  • is all we can do in this predicament. I feel and live your pain daily. You are still a valuable, necessary, & contributing person in this life whether you can work or stay home. If you cant work there are different ways to feel productive. In my case i learned fulfillment thru caring for.my family. They need me in any capacity. I know its hard, sometimes downright brutal but you must persevere. We had to learn a different way of living. Some are lucky and recuperate while others must cope with chronic pain but all of us matter. Hang in there and post when you can, it helps being here surrounded by likeminded people. Take care
  • is all we can do in this predicament. I feel and live your pain daily. You are still a valuable, necessary, & contributing person in this life whether you can work or stay home. If you cant work there are different ways to feel productive. In my case i learned fulfillment thru caring for.my family. They need me in any capacity. I know its hard, sometimes downright brutal but you must persevere. We had to learn a different way of living. Some are lucky and recuperate while others must cope with chronic pain but all of us matter. Hang in there and post when you can, it helps being here surrounded by likeminded people. Take care
  • Bigshawn1234567BBigshawn1234567 Posts: 45
    edited 07/18/2012 - 8:40 AM
    That was very nice. Thanks. Although my day is different today than it was that day. On those real tough days there isn't much anyone can say to get you through it.
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,842
    "But you need a longer rope!"

    By that I mean finding other ways to help manage your condition. We all know about pain and the discomfort it causes, how it can impact both our physical and emotional lives. Its not easy, but in reality, many of us do not have any other choices.

    So, we dig down, research, find ways, alternative treatments, etc something that can make the day to day life just a little bit better.

    I found a good amount of relief in Aroma and Music therapy. I would put myself in a dark room, use one of the essential oils, put on some relaxing or mediation music and let the hours just slip by.

    Sure, when those sessions were over, the discomfort crept back in. But, time after time in using relaxation therapy (as I described, there are others), the longer I would have some level of pain relief.
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
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