Moment of Truth
I am having a vent moment, so bear with me here for a minute.
My current situation is this: Have suffered with pain for several years now. I went back to work five years ago with a company I started at the bottom with. A year ago I made the sales team and work at my desk 99% of the time. It's great because it has kept me from taking so many chances to have my pain levels rise to a non-functional level. Until last Wednesday I woke up at 6am went to the gym and did an hour of cardio, went home got ready for work and felt some discomfort but that is normal for me. An hour into my day my pain level was rising with no end in sight. Long story short I ended up in the ER. Was lucky enough to get an MRI. Of course I was expecting to hear them say I needed to go see a surgeon. So here I am taking the rest of Wednesday of because my pain level was a solid 10. Thursday and Friday too. Saw a ortho doc early Friday and did not receive any good news. I have some real damage in my lower back but he said it was not operable. L4 disc herniated into the vertabrae under it and caused it to fracture. Along with two other discs above that were bulging bad, along with degeneration. None of which I wanted to hear because he said he could not fix it. I really feel the clock ticking the whole time because I am not working and scared for my future. So I rushed my films over to a neurosurgeon who is going to look them over tomorrow and let me know if he can help. So I really need to go into the office tomorrow and see if I can SIT in my office and do my job. Visit with my bosses and see if they will stand by me while I work on getting fixed. Crossing my fingers and praying to God. Because I do want to continue working and will need what ever time is needed to get my back situated to where I can function. Mainly for some very basic reasons. To stay productive earning a living. Be able to do the chores around my house. To be able to just take care of myself is what I am trying to say here. I am really worried about it all. Amazing how your life can change just like that.
1. When my boss does his T list on me will my list of assets outweigh my liabilities?
2. Can the doctors get me fixed up enough to function?
3. Will my 2nd opinion be better than the first?
What happens to me if the first two of my chief concerns don't go my way? I am only 36 and I cannot be taken out of the game! Keep me in the game God. I will not go back to being stuck in a house. I did that for two years from 2005 to 2007. I have never been to jail but feel as though I have a good idea what it is like to be there. Couldn't work, do chores, get out and exercise. And the list goes on. It was not living at all. I get sick just thinking about the what if's. I do know this, I will not go back to that way of existence ever.
So the pre game check list for tomorrow has already begun. Take just enough medicine in the morning to survive the pain but not to much to where I am not productive. Get the ice bags out and ready. Tube of icy hot and turn my frown upside down!
So I need good news from my employer and great news from my surgeon. So if you pray add me to yours tonight please.