Two weeks ago today marks my third spinal surgery. This is the first time i have ever felt an overwhelming sense of depression. True this was the lengthest of the three and I am older now and recovering very slowly. But I just can't even think about the future without tearing up. None of my friends truely understand. One retired on medical disability years ago but because her husband still worked, and carried all the benefits, she had no true lifestyle change. Another is encouraging me to retire on disability but she doesn't understand my economic situation despite my trying to explain it to her.
In 2008 my husband had some heart issues. He has since lived in the no man's land of some days being too sick to work yet others being too well for disability. Both his doc and I have asked him to apply but he is insisting that if he can get a cardiac abulation he will be fine. Our next hope of a doc actually performing one is next month. This has left me sole earner and benefit carrier. I understand his ego/depression etc at his own situation. But I'm afraid that if I don't go back to work full time we won't make it..yet right now I am having serious doubts about my doing that.
I know it's only 2 weeks out from surgery, I just never felt this down before.
Thanks for letting me venbt