Hello all, not feeling well at all these days. Wonder why I even wake up at times because the pain is so intense. I don't wish to die, it is an expletive for the amount of pain that exists.
Since I was 28 and iam now 50. Iam not an expert in the levels of vertabral so please forgive my descriptions.
I have had 5 lower back surgeries up to fusion with a spinal fluid leak that was repaired a week after the initial fusion. Have had many problems since the bottom four vertabrae above the sacrum were fused. I also have a tumor in my T12 vert. If I may be blunt but since the surgery and scs trial over the last two years. I have found out iam allergic to morphine and it's synthetics. So I am relegated to Vicodin and soma as my pain treatment. One of the pedestal screws is not even attached to the rod anymore in the fusion area. The doctors will not work on me anymore, due to scar tissue.
The problem I have or main problem that makes me not want to wake up anymore is it feels as if I am sitting on a large flaming icicle, and the point is poised right at the lowest vertabrae and everything balances from there. It drives me so out of my skull I cannot even describe. I cannot sit, drive etc, and i was one of the most outgoing, fishing and partying animals out there. Now my life is tame as a lamb. Not even a beer for two years either as nothing even tastes right anymore. I have lost 85 lbs. since the surgery becuase nothing tastes right anymore but sugar and milk in coffee.
I have to wait for the pain meds to kick in before any relief is possible, and it only lasts for about two hours.
Anyone else with anything like this? Iam now really considering it a literal term "practicing medicine"
Please if I have made a mistake in posting here, forgive me but iam lost now and suffering is not even the right term in my opinion. I have left a lot out probably,but my mind is quite scrambled from the constant loss of focus. Please try not to judge me, iam just looking for some help. I have seen what many of you all have gone through and this looks like the ultimate place to get some support and possibly help. I feel for anyone going through any of this, it is unfathomable what it can do to you and you're psyche. Best to all and thank you for any suggestions or corrections.