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God help me- chronic pain & husband left, 3 kids

edited 10/06/2012 - 7:06 AM in Chronic Pain
God help me.
How did I end up here?
I'm just 40, have incredible chronic pain issues, ESP since having three babies, now age 2, 3 1/2 and 6.
I've been to so many doctors, I am giving up hope. And my narcissistic husband and partner of 16 years has now left me alone to raise our babies, after I'd quit my high profile job to raise them, as his job was like 18 hr days in city as a doctor. He's had zero empathy for my pain.

I'm a strong woman, at least I was, moving all over for my career, but then with the insane career hours husband held, and mee too in media, we decided best for family for me to raise them. They are amazing babies, love of my life.

But u had horrible labor stories, Ive been diagnosed with stupid fibromyalgia 5x, been to Physical therapy for years, chiro, currently with pain specialist, but NOTHING will WORK and I am at my wits end, the pain in my back, hips, cor is unbearable and now my narcisstic husband left us and couldn't deal with stress of having 2 babies and 3 surgeries in 4 years (BTW, ALL my surgeries!!)
he had zero empathy and now I'm left to raise them alone basically 24-7, he's off with affair, sees them like every 2 weeks, he literally resembles nothing of the man I dated for 5 years. I have a masters degree in my field but my children come first and I'm the only real parent they have now...
BUT - the worst of it is the horrific chronic pain,it will never end, I have tried horrible lyric and Cymbalta and have some pain meds but NOTHING helps anymore, I'm lifting 40 lb baby boys 100 times a day....
I have bulged and herniated discs in lower AND mid-upper back, I have scoliosis of neck since my first 35655 hour terrible labor, where I ripped like 30 inches to deliver, sorry if TMI, then second baby was c-section, best surgery ever because I felt no pain till next day, but dear baby was so big for my frame he ripped my core in HALF vertically, and after months of research I discovered along with all the chronic back and hip bursitis and SI joint issues, I had major Diastasis Recti, very rare case, surgeon went in and my core muscles, 7-8 layers were ripped entirely 6 inches wide and 11 he's long!?! So I had the surgery to pray this cow,d help my recovery of core and back. It was most horrific recovery ever. It was actually ONE YEAR ago like today, and I am still suffering acute nerve and scar tissue pain....and I still have all my back issues, is there a disc that is not degenerative or herniated??? I've do epidural steroid injections and they did NOTHING.

My whole life I've always been a survivor, like full scholarship to grad school, etc., was NBC news TV reporter in mid-sized California town, Chicago, moving abroad without a job and living in hostile till found awesome one.....
And now, six- ten years later I feel like I'm 65 years old, and Omg the pain never ends. So much manual labor raising 3. I've delivered a baby without drugs, they stopped working after 20 hrs, ripped my daughter out of me and we both almost died. I can DO pain. But the chronic pain at age 37 now has become excruciatingly unbearable, I need HELP!?! WHAT CAN I DO?!?!

Raising two huge dear boys, and baby girl. (the best things in my life), but OMG it is seriously so so so hard on my back and core and I am in pain all day it is constant unbearable.
And i feel like nobody can understand or diagnose me, I swear there must be something seriously wrong....
I have been to many doctors, one wants plates in neck and spine, but I can't have anymore surgery right now, I'm so overstressed and busy raising kids 24 hrs day, awake, from6am till 9pm that I can hardly shower, with 3 meals a day and nap refusal and living in isolation here, the "family home" he loved outside of the city, the ONLY ONE after 2 years of looking outside of big Cali city. So he abandoned us 2 mos after my huge 60" core surgery, where I could hardly move for 3 months but as a mom I did anyways, bawling quietly....my muscular scar tissue is insane, huge mass of hard painful area across whole midsection...before kids I was like size four, but now with all this scar tissue, sweeping pain, despair over abandonment I never imagined in my whole life could ever happen to me (4 years of dating!?-before big wedding!? We swore 399 times we didn't believe in divorce, and I don't-had huge family wedding, our families were so close after yrs of vacating and we met through high school friends.... but NOW dr jeckyl mr Hyde sociopatic liar and NPD case- turned crazy, midlife crisis at 44, (he had one at 30 I had to deal with, not cheating but monetary obsession of owning own home and making senior surgeon, regardless of fact that my body was screaming KIDS now, i wanted them before 30, been together 4 years, my body couldnt safely have them too late?!) but I stayed the course, believed in him as i was taught to belive folks are inherently GOOD... NOW, at 40, 3 babies, my major medical conditon, quit career to raise our family and do everything since he was never home, he's divorcing me and obsessed with new lover!?

ANYHOW SORRY FOR THE VENT. I'm at my wits end. I know I'm mentally strong enough to get through this but my body is not cooperating and it's like hellishly painful, no sleep, babies up, then other sick, then carrying them, and I feel like there are NO solutions to cure my condition... Sure I can take 2 mild painkillers and it helps for 3-4 hrs but I'm weaning off any medicine, as the pain never ends....I refuse any more medication.
COULD I HAVE SOME OTHER CONDITION?? Like something a blood test can find?
How can one survive chronic severe back pain, herniations, degenerative disc disease, bursitis of hips, SI joints out of whack, 60 inches of scar tissue that are so painful in front core, HOW WILL THIS EVER END?? I don't have time to shower, let alone get to something like acupuncture, the only thing I've not tried yet.... I do my PT exercises and soon he's divorcing me and what will even happen to me with such terrible pre-existing conditions!?!
GOD PLEASE, IF THERE IS ANYONE OUT THERE THATBHAS ANY ADVICE OR WORDS OF KINDNESS OR A SIMILAR Situation, please help. Did I mention I've tried fibromyalgia meds like Cymbalta and Lyrica in past and they did nothing but make me sick as dog. Only time I'm not in ACUTE pain is if I'm asleep or maybe after BABIES are in bed for one hour of me time on couch with 4 bed buddies heated around me and glass of wine??!!.
Anyone anyone please help.
I've been corporate, but the manual labor and 24-7 career of a full time mom to THREE NOW ALONE is the hardest job on the planet, like alllll manual labor, from getting in high chairs to carseats, to lifting 40 lbs out of cribs, to breaking up wrestling matches 24-7, (my husband was big guy hence big KIDS!)
I'm cleaning kitchen after 3 meals a day and before that preparing them and then also I'm a good mommy to I play airplane and am on floor making train tracks hunched over, super hands on, it's my personal thing, I feel it's my responsibility - but OMG HOW CAN I EVER SURVIVE THIS CHRONIC PAIN??
Where is the end, ever?!?!!
I thought surgery last year would help and be bad for few months and the. I'd work on getting core strength back, but my surgeon (great) said it was like the biggest hole and rip he'd ever seen, only skin covering my organs, so when will it ever heal? I'm worried all this pain my body is over sensitized now and I'm going to b a life suffering patient....read scar tissue can be 1000x more painful for years...
Help Cali mommy ;)

AND THEN, to have the "love of your life" - give up, can't handle stress at home, walks out on you, your home, your children, turns out hes major narcisstic person and I should have seen the red flags, such a cocky doctor, but I always try to see the good in everyone and I just kept giving and he just went further and further into man cave.


  • and if i were to analyse it it would take me for ever .i will take it bit by bit .and concentrate on the bits i can help you with and the bits that i have had personal experience with .my first wife left me too when i got ill ..its not a nice feeling but after about 4 years i got over it and we are no good friends { i have a daughter with her age 16} .chronic pain is a different matter and affects us all in different ways .if i were you my first priority would be to get the pain under control .i take large amounts of oxycontin and oxynorm for brake through pain .{i tried the gabba type drugs but they made me swell up like mad and nearly caused me to have hart failure.
    can you get some help with the kids and house work ..so you can have a brake? are you well enough to have some ME time ?like going for a therapeutic walk or a swimmer?? do you have items at home like a decent bed and recliner so you can get comfy ?? you need to look after you because without you the boys will suffer .you post was very complex and it first thing in the morning over here in the uk so please forgive me if i have misinterpreted any of your post .so in a nutshell ..you need to be medicated to help your pain you need ME time and if you are worried about you pain then see someone about it ..chronic pain is hell to live with i have been suffering with it for over 15 years and i have has 3 major operations the last being a fusion [ALIF } dec 2011.i have a good wife and i get well looked after so even though i am in pain all the time being treated well and as an equal helps a lit .you don't need a man that treats you like 541T .nice to talk to you
    tony {UK} ♥
    1997 laminectomy
    2007 repeat laminectomy and discectomy L4/L5
    2011 ALIF {L4/L5/S1}
    2012 ? bowel problems .still under investigation
    2014 bladder operation may 19th 2014
  • I really feel bad for you,that's quite a story. I do understand when you talk about your husband, not every story is exactly like yours but there are lots of people on here that have had years of pain and marital problems because of it. The partner just can't put themselves in your place and i think it really takes a wonderful person to go through all of this stuff and be very understanding about it. I know my husband has pretty much given up on me ever getting better and does ask why i'm still trying. Duh! because i can't stop trying to get better if there is any hope i have to take it. Pain is a very had thing to deal with under the best of circumstances. Please keep coming on here ,were great listeners.
  • I am thinking is that you need help with childcare and housework.Can you get your husband to pay for a nanny and someone to come in and help with housework? You need to talk to a lawyer about getting some support set up for you and the kids so you have less to worry about.

    You need to make getting well your # one concern. You can't take care of your kids unless you take care of yourself. You also need to find some kind of counseling to help you deal with all you have on your plate. My heart breaks for you. I will keep you in my prayers.
    I have Ankolysing Spondylits, Ulcerative Colitis, DDD and a bit of OA to make things fun. Most of my problems are due to inflation of many joints, tendons and ligaments. I see a GP, a Rheumatologest, an orthopedic Dr and a wonderful PM.
  • so sorry for all your pain, I have been on this site since my first back surgery in 2007. I have never commented, but have been reading all the posts on here. I was dx with Fibro and myofascial , 2 yrs. ago but have lived with pain since my 20's, I am now 54. chronic pain is the worst as anyone can tell you. If you ever want a really great private group about FM etc.. let me know. this is a great group of people sharing, venting,whinning, crying, you name it. and what I love about it is my family and close friends can't see what I write about since they don't understand. {{soft hugs}}
  • edited 10/20/2012 - 2:23 PM
    God bless you, thank you. My whole life I never imagined this could happen to me. It is so unbearably hard.
    I make every hour work for my babies, gods amazing gift. Thank God for modern medicine saving our lives, all the surgeons....but too much for sociopathic husband to handle.... I just believed so much that if you work hard and are a good person, you will survive... And somehow he's offf having affair leaving me alone after decade to raise babies with CHRONIC, MASSIVE pain which he doesn't believe in. I wish for ONE day he could feel like it does to be me, to wake Up to screaming babies, but almost unable to move, but they come first, so I try everything in my power to wish the pain away....lord if all the stupid self help and positive thinking CDs I listen to and books I read could really help....thank you again for listening.
    Love, steph
  • David FloraDDavid Flora Posts: 10
    edited 10/09/2012 - 7:16 PM
    Chronic pain may be divided into "nociceptive" (caused by activation of nociceptors), and "neuropathic" (caused by damage to or malfunction of the nervous system).[4]

    Nociceptive pain may be divided into "superficial" and "deep", and deep pain into "deep somatic" and "visceral". Superficial pain is initiated by activation of nociceptors in the skin or superficial tissues. Deep somatic pain is initiated by stimulation of nociceptors in ligaments, tendons, bones, blood vessels, fasciae and muscles, and is dull, aching, poorly-localized pain. Visceral pain originates in the viscera (organs). Visceral pain may be well-localized, but often it is extremely difficult to locate, and several visceral regions produce "referred" pain when damaged or inflamed, where the sensation is located in an area distant from the site of pathology or injury.
    david flora
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