God help me.
How did I end up here?
I'm just 40, have incredible chronic pain issues, ESP since having three babies, now age 2, 3 1/2 and 6.
I've been to so many doctors, I am giving up hope. And my narcissistic husband and partner of 16 years has now left me alone to raise our babies, after I'd quit my high profile job to raise them, as his job was like 18 hr days in city as a doctor. He's had zero empathy for my pain.
I'm a strong woman, at least I was, moving all over for my career, but then with the insane career hours husband held, and mee too in media, we decided best for family for me to raise them. They are amazing babies, love of my life.
But u had horrible labor stories, Ive been diagnosed with stupid fibromyalgia 5x, been to Physical therapy for years, chiro, currently with pain specialist, but NOTHING will WORK and I am at my wits end, the pain in my back, hips, cor is unbearable and now my narcisstic husband left us and couldn't deal with stress of having 2 babies and 3 surgeries in 4 years (BTW, ALL my surgeries!!)
he had zero empathy and now I'm left to raise them alone basically 24-7, he's off with affair, sees them like every 2 weeks, he literally resembles nothing of the man I dated for 5 years. I have a masters degree in my field but my children come first and I'm the only real parent they have now...
BUT - the worst of it is the horrific chronic pain,it will never end, I have tried horrible lyric and Cymbalta and have some pain meds but NOTHING helps anymore, I'm lifting 40 lb baby boys 100 times a day....
I have bulged and herniated discs in lower AND mid-upper back, I have scoliosis of neck since my first 35655 hour terrible labor, where I ripped like 30 inches to deliver, sorry if TMI, then second baby was c-section, best surgery ever because I felt no pain till next day, but dear baby was so big for my frame he ripped my core in HALF vertically, and after months of research I discovered along with all the chronic back and hip bursitis and SI joint issues, I had major Diastasis Recti, very rare case, surgeon went in and my core muscles, 7-8 layers were ripped entirely 6 inches wide and 11 he's long!?! So I had the surgery to pray this cow,d help my recovery of core and back. It was most horrific recovery ever. It was actually ONE YEAR ago like today, and I am still suffering acute nerve and scar tissue pain....and I still have all my back issues, is there a disc that is not degenerative or herniated??? I've do epidural steroid injections and they did NOTHING.
My whole life I've always been a survivor, like full scholarship to grad school, etc., was NBC news TV reporter in mid-sized California town, Chicago, moving abroad without a job and living in hostile till found awesome one.....
And now, six- ten years later I feel like I'm 65 years old, and Omg the pain never ends. So much manual labor raising 3. I've delivered a baby without drugs, they stopped working after 20 hrs, ripped my daughter out of me and we both almost died. I can DO pain. But the chronic pain at age 37 now has become excruciatingly unbearable, I need HELP!?! WHAT CAN I DO?!?!
Raising two huge dear boys, and baby girl. (the best things in my life), but OMG it is seriously so so so hard on my back and core and I am in pain all day it is constant unbearable.
And i feel like nobody can understand or diagnose me, I swear there must be something seriously wrong....
I have been to many doctors, one wants plates in neck and spine, but I can't have anymore surgery right now, I'm so overstressed and busy raising kids 24 hrs day, awake, from6am till 9pm that I can hardly shower, with 3 meals a day and nap refusal and living in isolation here, the "family home" he loved outside of the city, the ONLY ONE after 2 years of looking outside of big Cali city. So he abandoned us 2 mos after my huge 60" core surgery, where I could hardly move for 3 months but as a mom I did anyways, bawling quietly....my muscular scar tissue is insane, huge mass of hard painful area across whole midsection...before kids I was like size four, but now with all this scar tissue, sweeping pain, despair over abandonment I never imagined in my whole life could ever happen to me (4 years of dating!?-before big wedding!? We swore 399 times we didn't believe in divorce, and I don't-had huge family wedding, our families were so close after yrs of vacating and we met through high school friends.... but NOW dr jeckyl mr Hyde sociopatic liar and NPD case- turned crazy, midlife crisis at 44, (he had one at 30 I had to deal with, not cheating but monetary obsession of owning own home and making senior surgeon, regardless of fact that my body was screaming KIDS now, i wanted them before 30, been together 4 years, my body couldnt safely have them too late?!) but I stayed the course, believed in him as i was taught to belive folks are inherently GOOD... NOW, at 40, 3 babies, my major medical conditon, quit career to raise our family and do everything since he was never home, he's divorcing me and obsessed with new lover!?
ANYHOW SORRY FOR THE VENT. I'm at my wits end. I know I'm mentally strong enough to get through this but my body is not cooperating and it's like hellishly painful, no sleep, babies up, then other sick, then carrying them, and I feel like there are NO solutions to cure my condition... Sure I can take 2 mild painkillers and it helps for 3-4 hrs but I'm weaning off any medicine, as the pain never ends....I refuse any more medication.
COULD I HAVE SOME OTHER CONDITION?? Like something a blood test can find?
I MUST HAVE SOME OTHERCONDITION....
How can one survive chronic severe back pain, herniations, degenerative disc disease, bursitis of hips, SI joints out of whack, 60 inches of scar tissue that are so painful in front core, HOW WILL THIS EVER END?? I don't have time to shower, let alone get to something like acupuncture, the only thing I've not tried yet.... I do my PT exercises and soon he's divorcing me and what will even happen to me with such terrible pre-existing conditions!?!
GOD PLEASE, IF THERE IS ANYONE OUT THERE THATBHAS ANY ADVICE OR WORDS OF KINDNESS OR A SIMILAR Situation, please help. Did I mention I've tried fibromyalgia meds like Cymbalta and Lyrica in past and they did nothing but make me sick as dog. Only time I'm not in ACUTE pain is if I'm asleep or maybe after BABIES are in bed for one hour of me time on couch with 4 bed buddies heated around me and glass of wine??!!.
Anyone anyone please help.
I've been corporate, but the manual labor and 24-7 career of a full time mom to THREE NOW ALONE is the hardest job on the planet, like alllll manual labor, from getting in high chairs to carseats, to lifting 40 lbs out of cribs, to breaking up wrestling matches 24-7, (my husband was big guy hence big KIDS!)
I'm cleaning kitchen after 3 meals a day and before that preparing them and then also I'm a good mommy to I play airplane and am on floor making train tracks hunched over, super hands on, it's my personal thing, I feel it's my responsibility - but OMG HOW CAN I EVER SURVIVE THIS CHRONIC PAIN??
Where is the end, ever?!?!!
I thought surgery last year would help and be bad for few months and the. I'd work on getting core strength back, but my surgeon (great) said it was like the biggest hole and rip he'd ever seen, only skin covering my organs, so when will it ever heal? I'm worried all this pain my body is over sensitized now and I'm going to b a life suffering patient....read scar tissue can be 1000x more painful for years...
ANY ADVICE OR WORDS OF LOVE OR HELP WOULD MAKE MY MONTH!!! I Just Joined site!!
Help Cali mommy
AND THEN, to have the "love of your life" - give up, can't handle stress at home, walks out on you, your home, your children, turns out hes major narcisstic person and I should have seen the red flags, such a cocky doctor, but I always try to see the good in everyone and I just kept giving and he just went further and further into man cave.