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Ready to Give up

kaywoodkkaywood Posts: 8
For fear of this getting accidently erased...I must keep
it brief. Im a 57 yr. old female husband left and Im alone in a big old run down house. I have been to numerous Surgeons for 3 pinched lumbqr nerves due to spinal stenosis. I cannot have an operation unless I stop my 25mg of Prednisone daily meds. If I stop...then my chronic pain will double and my Lupus-like disorder will flare up and incapacitate me. I stay in bed depressed and havent even showered for 3 -4 days. There are no answers. I barely have enough money to live off of. This month Im losing my Credit, as I can no longer make my payments. Last week I had a migraine so bad that I threw up for 12 straight hours. My exhusband came by and bought Pedialite and helped me....otherwise I dont think I would have made it. Basically...though ...Im alone and tired of the Chronic pain. The DNA made my Life quality go from a 6 to a 0 when they took my abiliity to find my Oycodone med. In place of that I was put on a med of morphine and it makes me sleep around the clock. I cant function like this. I know of only one answer to the Nations cruelty. A 10 cent bullet thats right in front of me. I dont know when...but soon.


  • Just was reading post and came on yours..I am so sorry for all you are going thru. I am close to your age and also have some Lupus issues..I know life can be cruel and tough sometimes. I wish I could give you the answers that you need or want. I don't know your whole story, but from this group of people on this site, I know they have and will also give you support. I am sure that there are alot of people who care for you. Have you reached out to family or friends for help or support? Sometimes we can be so proud and won't ask but there are those times when asking for help is not a bad thing..I hope and pray things will get better..If ever you need a friend to talk, just PM me and we can chat..Take care of yourself..Know that you are not alone in this struggle..Big Hug..
    2007 ACDF C6 - C7
    2010 Aspen Cage L4,L5 for Grade 2 Spondo and spinal stenosis
    2011 Non-Union C6-C7, Revision Posterior fusion with hardware.
    2012 Failed fusion of L4, L5. Revision L4, L5 Fusion with hardware.
  • Thank you for your kind words. It means alot to me. Where do u live? I live in Florida. I used to be happy when I lived out in Denver for just 9 yrs. No matter what went wrong
    ...I could always look outside at the snow caapped mountains and the weather, alone, cheered me uo.
    Speaking of Family...Im the youngest. They all live in different places and have their own medical and financial problems. I was supposed to get a big inhertence which would have helped pay for some help around the house and the day to day things I need because of my painful legs. Do you know what will become of the 3 Lumbar pinched nerves if I never have surgery?? Will things shift around and maybe make them stop hurting...or will spinal stenosis just put me in a wheelchair?? When my 3rd Surgeon said I had to get off Prednisone to have a 3 level fusion, I had asked if he could just do a Lamectomey and open up the pinched areas WITHOUT THE HARDWARE AND THE FUSION. He said "No". It takes up to 12 months to heal from a 3 level if you are a slow healer. And if even one place does not fuse,...then it's back to Surgery? Most People have a Husband or someone who can help them. There is No one I can depend on for that length of time. But it is the Prednisone. I take 25mg a day. If I get exactly 8-9 hours sleep and lower my stress level then I wont have a Flare up of this autoimmune diease. Have you or anyone ever got off Prednisone without problems??
  • I didnt get the Inhertence because the Economy went kaputt. Reale Estate worth a half million wont sell for even a quarter of that! Who ever knew.? It happened so fast. Oh well, the Rich live and the Poor die. That seems to be the way the world goes round. I still believe in a Democracy.
  • Kay, I'm really sorry for what your going through but you CAN manage. First, if you need surgery and no one to help, you can be placed in a rehab/nursing home type of place to help you recover from the surgery. Maybe sell the house and get a smaller, more manageable place near your family, or even one member of your family. I don't now if this is possible, just trying to throw out some idea's that may help. But whatever you do, you should know that you are NEVER alone on here, we are all here for you. Good luck!
  • KeytanKeytan Posts: 41
    edited 07/02/2013 - 7:27 PM
  • your situation has you feeling like there are no ways out, i'm sure. you certainly have every right to feel despondent, given your physical and financial stressors which totally mess with your mind and ability to cope.

    the first thing that comes to mind is case management accessed by social services. obtaining a medical case manager will open all kinds of doors to you, and the will help you obtain the services you need to stay safe and comfortable. there is always a starting point, and it's usually within your particular county. you could do something as simple as contacting the suicide hotline and explain your situation. i worked in that setting, and we always had complete lists of contact numbers for folks to get started on the road to the correct level of care.

    i think almost all of us can identify with the hopelessness, despair and isolation you feel. we are here, and you must remember you are not ever alone in this. take the first step in calling the hotline, and you will see how much information they can give you that will change your life.

    i am sending you good energy and strength. start by getting some paper and a pen to write things down, and make your call. they are there 24/7 for you. i know all too well what it feels like to be just one step away... please write anytime you like if you need to talk.

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