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help me support my wife

langford.heathllangford.heath Posts: 1
edited 02/06/2013 - 4:24 PM in Depression and Coping
My wife who is 26 has 3 herniated disc in her lower back which are pressing on the sciatic nerve and is currently taking percocet dextroamphetamine and toradol. We are afraid she is over medicated. The dr says she isn't and that's all he can do besides surgery. Please help me in supporting her for she is becoming depressed and all these meds aren't really helping like you would think. I want to support her the best way I can


  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,875
    edited 02/06/2013 - 4:49 PM
    Sometimes the best way to help is by becoming sort of an expert in the problem area.

    Please take some time to read these:

    Spinal Anatomy

    Pain Medications

    Pain Management

    These are just a start. I think you have already taken steps since you are reaching out looking for help for your wife.

    Surgery is not always the only solution. Read about the various treatments Treatments

    But besides all these medical articles, one of the most important actions you can take is to be very supportive and understanding of your wife. While she is having these spinal problems, it is very likely she will go through many different
    mood swings. From scared, being afraid, being angry and mad.

    You read a lot about failed relationships when it comes to spinal related issues. I think the number one reason is the lack of total and true communications between two people.

    Help your wife the best you can. There are a lot of people here that will always try to give you a hand
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • Your post doesn't state medication doseages, however, just looking at those 3 medications, I do know that Toradol isn't good to take long-term because it can be hard on your kidneys (but some docs still prescribe it if the patient is tolerating it and it works for them), and Percocet has acetaminophen in it, which really isn't necessary for someone who needs to take it long-term so a good alternative is simple oxycodone tablets without the acetaminophen to spare the liver from too much acetaminophen.

    The condition your wife has can most certainly be extremely painful and if it is relieved by medications, it is better to stick with medications than to resort to risky surgeries that have very low success rates (in my opinion).

    I highly recommend that you find a good therapist who is experienced in dealing with chronic pain to help you cope with the unique relationship challenges that come with having a mate who is dealing with chronic pain. In my experience, if the therapist has dealt with chronic pain personally, it helps them be a better chronic pain therapist.

    I pray this helps!
  • edited 05/04/2013 - 8:59 AM
    My husband had his second microdisectomy surgery on 4-23-13. His first was on 4-3-13. He originally injured his back in November of 2012. He is still in a lot of pain even though he is perscribed perocet (2- 10 mg every four hrs) and morphine 30 mg every four hrs as needed. He is heavily restricted for movement by his surgeon and cannot drive or ride in a car. He is VERY depressed.

    So there it is...since November I have been trying to be patient and supportive. I have been a virtual servant to a spinal issue. I have smiled and dropped all of my activities and outside interests to try to help my husband through this while he disregards my feelings and is often verbally cruel. I am trying VERY HARD to be a good patient and understanding partner...but I am seriously losing my mind. I fantasize all day every day about getting in my car and just driving until I'm out of money. I think about just not coming home for a month. I drive around the block three times before pulling in the driveway...

    I know it's awful. I feel terrible. This is not the person I want to be much less the wife I want to be. I have spent six months now with no support, no help, no sex, and no appreciation. I am afraid of the drugs he is on. I am afraid that six months from now I will have a husband with a healed spine and a serious dependence on pain killers. I am afraid that six months from now i will have an invalid husband with a serious dependance on pain killers.

    Help.....please...I don't know how to do this and I am barely clutching the end of my rope.
  • As a spine patient, I can hopefully offer some insight.

    My ex was with me for four of my first five spine surgeries. She took care of me as I recovered from those surgeries, and even helped out with things after my last operation 2 summers ago (we're still friends, thankfully!). We were together for 10 years and the last few years were difficult for both her and myself.

    I had an awful lot of trouble accepting myself because my physical limits were becoming more limiting as my discs deteriorated. I could no longer work full-time and that was hard on me, because I had the old-school mentality of providing for my family. I could no longer pull my own weight in my own eyes and that wore on me big-time. I became more and more depressed, frustrated and angry with myself. This took its toll on my family and marriage and I didn't know how to communicate it with my wife. Finally, in September 2009 she wanted out and that was the end of our relationship. I don't blame her, as I was never physically violent in any way, but I did say some things that I wish I could take back and start all over. I still feel guilty a lot of times.

    Thankfully, we did stay friends and we remain as friends. I am also still friends with her two older children (they are adults now) and we have a son together that is almost 12.

    I guess the point I am attempting to make to you is.......you have to decide what is best for YOUR LIFE and you only get 1 life. Do you have kids? Are you still young? I hate to say it, but if you don't think it will change then I would GOOOOOOO.

    You're not failing as a caregiver, by the way. It takes a Saint to handle us spine patients a lot of times.

    Good Luck! :-)

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