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Needing some spiney faith

I am reaching it because I am at the end of my rope. I try to be upbeat and remember that things are never so bad you cant handle it but the disappointment is getting to me. I had my SI joint injections yesterday and Im guessing they were a bust because my pain levels are as high or higher than prior. My understanding is that you get instant relief if its your pain generator. No such luck. I lost control of my bladder this morning at 6am...called surgeon and his advice was that go get tested for a UTI (bladder infection) This was no leakage (nice that I tell you all this) this was full loss of bladder. Has not happened again since. He let me know there are no nerves by the injection sit and no way no how can it be a response to the injections. I have had MRI since for leakage and no compression showed. I am a 3 level fusion and one of the lucky ones that has more pain than before surgery but I can walk upright...yes I can walk. I found out my neck is as big as a mess as my back and that fusion is in my future in that department as well. I am 45 years old and have small children...damn late start!
I am so down..hurting, feeling hopeless today. I called surgeon back and said its time to have a meeting to talk truths. Am I at the end of hope here, meaning he has done all he can do or is there something left to put my hope into. I am just 8 months out but it feels like lifetimes. I hate to bitch on here like this but my alternative is so much darker. For those that know me, I try to keep it upbeat, and honest but right now honest means I am falling apart at the idea this is my life.
Do dammit Alex, get me on that ship and lets go find your ex-wife so i can kick the shit out of her and get some pent up anger off my chest. If there is anyone who has suffered with loss of bladder was it ongoing or is the one time full blow pee on the kids floor a big concern? I dont know what to do. Sitting at the ER for yet another MRI to be told 'all looks good" Its not good, I hurt and I am so freaking tired of it! Now that was a good vent! Thanks and peace, El
3 level fusion L3-S1 July 23, 2012


  • I'm not Alex, but I hope I'll do, Ellen. I also haven't had the full blown pee, although I have had some issues even after 3 pelvic operations to eliminate the issue. I've had a 2 level lumbar fusion after the 2 level laminectomy & discectomy didn't work. I will probably need more lumbar surgery at some point. One positive about the neck issue - I found the recovery easier than lumbar in some ways. I got to go to the kids' back to school night wearing the neck brace so all the teachers remembered me!

    Can you see a different surgeon if he isn't being responsive? I don't know whether a urogynecologist would do you any good.

    Don't let yourself go too far into the dark place. Do seek professional help if you are considering unhealthy ways to stop the pain. For me, I've always said I can not be so selfish to go that route. I couldn't do it to the family. It's funny, though, a lot of people who know me think I am pretty upbeat and positive. If all I did was complain about the pains and other issues then I'm afraid they wouldn't want to be around me. I do what I can, and am getting better at asking for help.

    I might like to get a punching bag to get out my frustrations...or maybe one of those clown things they had a long time ago that you'd punch and it would pop back up.

    I don't know that I've helped at all, but I think I understand a bit what you're feeling. PM me anytime if you like.

    4 level ACDF C4-C7 5-2-11, laminectomy & discectomy L4-L5 1/26/12, ALIF L4-5, L5-S1 12/10/12.
  • I remember the clown things! The full blown pee thing was just about all I could take today. I am feeling better as the day has gone on and with it not happening again, I have relaxed. I am just so tired of hurting and I know my fellow spineys understand that like no one else can. The mere fact that you would respond to a complete stranger about peeing on her childs floor is a testament to the bond that we share as fellow spineys. Thank you for taking time out of your day to do that for me. I have control of my dark place...cymbalta has worked wonders but thank you for not being afraid to bring it up. Chronic pain makes our minds go to places we would never think possible, especially when we are so close with our families. I am not afraid of my neck so much...its the constant pain I have from this lumbar fusion...its rough. I have my appt with surgeon next week and him and I will have a sit down heart to heart. I have decided to get a 2nd opinion...even just have someone look at my films post fusion to see if they see something that he isnt seeing or not wanting to address. You helped and thanks again...this place is a save all for me...I need to vent sometimes and just get out the ugly truth about life...and YES peeing on the floor is as ugly as it gets! Peace, Ellen
    3 level fusion L3-S1 July 23, 2012
  • Hope you have a better day tomorrow.We all need to say whats bothering us to relieve our stress,anger,frustration and our pain.I know you are having tough times right now but it will get better i hope for you. Thinking of you stay strong!!!!!!
    Kathy B
  • Chances are that wasn't the first urine the floor has seen ;) I know my (attempting to potty train) daughter pointed to a wet spot just the other day and said, "I'se wet dere.... yum yum?" Um... no... just because the panies are dry, the urine still has to go in the potty.....lol.
    33yo mom of two. My surgical history...preadolescence scoliosis, kyphosis, and a hot mess.... 5 spine surgeries and lots of items added I wasn't born with (titanium, peek, surgical steel). Guess cremation is out. TSA loves me.
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