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Scan today and nervous as you know what

This morning at 7 am I will be scanned to see if the infection is gone., I am so nervous about this scan I asked to be given something to calm me down during the scan because I know I am going to panic. This scan determines my future and frankly I am scared to death. If the infection is still there I will require debridement and fusion of l3,l4,l5 and s1. Let me clarify that, possibly L3 but the rest are certain. Physically or emotionally I do not feel like I am ready for such a big surgery. But if the osteomylitis is still there it has to be done, At times I feel like the infection is gone and at other times I feel as if I still have it. This would make surgery number 8 on my spine and would once again destroy me financially. Ive made the decision to ask them to turn the monitor away so I cant see it, I dont want to know, Ill let my Dr tell me. Wish me luck



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