This is my first post here. I am sorry that my first post is probably going to be a little bit depressing but I need to let some of my anger out.
I am 28 and have been suffering from back pain for a year now. I know it is not a long time and I can still walk, which is wonderful after reading some other people's stories. I went through depression twice in my life. The first time after I came out when I was 16 and the second time after my boyfriend left me for someone else. I live in London now, away from my family and closest friends. I couldn't be more happy with my job and the city I live in. It was all going really well, even after I was dumped by my ex. There was a lot of anger in me then and I decided to pull myself together and started going to the gym. I was shown some exercises by a person trainer there and did them regularly. I did Body Combat classes twice a week and started feeling much better, stronger both physically and mentally until one day, after the class I felt loads of pain in my left hip. I decided to give it a rest for a few weeks and found it a bit hard to walk. I had felt a little bit of pain in my back before it all happened but I never treated it seriously and kept on doing squats and lifting weights etc.
After two weeks the pain around my hip disappeared but there was still a bit of pain very deep in my lower back when I slouched while sitting so I decided to wait with going back to the gym. I waited and waited and that pain wouldn't go away. It was there, getting worse, especially in the morning. I then realised something was wrong and because I didn't want to make it worse I stopped doing any kind of exercise. I went to Poland for a holiday and had a session with a chiro. The next day I woke up with almost no pain at all. I was SO happy! Went back to London. Two weeks later the pain was back. I went for physiotherapy, two sessions and they seemed to help a bit. Still a bit of pain but much better than it was. Two weeks later, the pain was back. So I went privately to see an osteopath. He asked me if I had any pain going down my leg or buttock but I had never experienced that so I said no. The same story... two weeks after each session the pain was back. Ten sessions later here I am with sciatica and now I know what he meant by buttock and leg pain. I can still walk but laughing, coughing, sneezing, burping, farting, having a poo and deep breathing sends terrible pain down my buttock and leg.
I had an MRI scan last week. I managed to convice my GP that it was necessary. Still waiting for the results.
I am writing the whole thing just to say that I am FED UP with the whole thing. I know some people are in a much worse situation and I should probably be grateful I am still alive and can walk and work but... my life is senseless... the only joy I had was that stupid gym which made me a little bit happier and made me feel better about myself. I have lost self-confidence, I hate my life and there are days when I wish I was dead. I wake up in the morning and say 'good morning' to pain. I leave the house and see people jogging who probably think it's hard work. I'd give everything to be able to run again. I see people with gym bags and envy them they can still do what I used to enjoy so much. I feel useless, unattractive and hope I won't have to live for too long. I've stopped dating. I just don't want to bother anyone with my problems and I am sorry I am bothering you who managed to read this post up to here. I have no more strength to make any effort in my life. The only effort I make now is at work, pretending that I am happy in front of my students. I hope this whole nightmare called 'life' will soon be over.
I wish all of you suffering from back pain all the best, stay as positive as you can!