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Here we go again! When will it end?!?!

I will give you the Readers Digest of what I have dealt with. Surgery 9/9/2009 (4 discs fused: C3/4 thru C6/7 - anterior). Back to work in 4-5 weeks and felt better. C6/7 disc disolved and needed to be refused. 7/11/2011 surgeon went into my neck posterior and severe pain followed: wound would not close or heal. Back into hospital within 2 weeks to reopen, clean out and put a drain plug in my neck. Finally after another 3-4 weeks, the wound finally started to heal. But....not before an awful scar formed. Plastic surgery was done on 11/23/2011. Since all of this.....there are been very few days that I have not felt some sort of pain. But....the pain has been increasing significantly for the last year. The last several months have been UNBEARABLE and I can't remember a day that I felt good. I knew that there had to be nerve damage based on the intensity of the stabbing shoulder blade pain that radiates into my neck, thru the shoulder, down the back of my arm and into my hand.

So....yesterday I had an appointment with a new Ortho Surgeon. He said that I am a very complicated case because I have mutliple things going on. He said since they haven't done an MRI on me since 12/2011 that we need to get one done to narrow down any further disc problems. AND....I definitely need ulnar nerve surgery to repair and eliminate the pain/numbing/ache into the arm and hand. I have no idea what the MRI is going to tell him, but I'm not holding out any hope that it will lead to a definitive resolution. When you have nerve damage in your neck or back...there are no gaurentees that anything can be done to 100% resolve the pain and take it away. I'm trying to hold out hope, but it's so hard to stay positive. I honestly don't know how much more I can take. Sometimes my mind goes to very dark places and I think it's easier just to give up. I'm at an all time low right now and don't know how to pull myself out of this severe pain & deep depression. :(


  • I am sorry that this crap happened to you, I'm sorry it happens to all of us.

    I have no great advise except you should find some mental health care. I was suggested to mine from my pain clinic. There are people who see people like us, those who deal with chronic pain. I've been told by more than one person, chronic pain and depression run hand in hand.

    I wish you luck. Vent and yell, talk to us any time you need.
  • Hi KC,

    I'm so sorry to hear it's all getting on top of you at the moment... pain is such a bear....its hard for us to cope with it all the time and hard for those we love... Its good to vent and let it out... and maybe someone to give you a hug! Even if its us here in cyber spine land lol! depression and chronic pain go hand in hand unfortunately... that may be something you want to look into??? If so... CBT can be really helpful at helping us to manage our dark thoughts... so they are cloudy rather than stormy... may be too big of an ask to jump to sunny thoughts if you know what i mean! But just know there are alot of people here you can vent to when you need it! In the mean time... hang in there!!!! the next mri will add info to what is already known.. and information is power... power to make decisions... and perhaps power for reduced pain! Stay as positive as you can... and for now... here's a cyber hug!!
    L4-L5 fusion 1998; ACDF C4-6 2008; DDD
  • Thanks pandqmama and diamonde! Knowing that there are many, many people experiencing a lot of what I'm going thru does make it a little easier. I'm trying to stay positive and whatever shows on the MRI...l will deal with it at that time. for today.....I'm surviving :) HUGS accepted!
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