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Up and Down

Hate the roller coaster sometimes. have my happy moments and then poof!
saw an old dear friend and caught up for a little while, shes a litteral ray of sunshine, she has serious health problems with life threatening consequences, and yet she powers on through like the champ she is...
amazing, yet tragic, thank God her current boyfriend is a Marine, a man of Honor and character, and is just what she deserves!

the comedowns are always the worst, the more "normal" I feel, the harder the crash. tears in the courthouse are not becoming for a Paralegal...

chemistry, or character. reality, or just what i wish it would be.. life is hard today
William Garza
Spine-Health Mod

Welcome to Spine-Health



  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,865
    As you have already experienced... The Roller Coaster ride.
    You had your ups and now the down and it hurts.. Just remember as much as it hurts right now, the upswing will be there for you!
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • The world knows that spine issues are physicall draining, but most people don't realize how emotional draining they can also be sometimes. Most of us on this forum can understand this. I hope you feel better soon. If this becomes a constant struggle, you should discuss it with your primary care doctor, they can offer lots of insite and advice, and if necessary, treatments.
    33yo mom of two. My surgical history...preadolescence scoliosis, kyphosis, and a hot mess.... 5 spine surgeries and lots of items added I wasn't born with (titanium, peek, surgical steel). Guess cremation is out. TSA loves me.
  • Ranchhand:

    Most of us can identify with your statement. We have good days and we have bad days. Add them up and divide by the sum and you get average. However, average for a "spiney" is not average for others, nor is it the average that we used to know.

    Back in the 60's Kris Kristofferson (sp?) so poetically phrased the verse..."the going up isn't worth the coming done." He was referring to drugs/alcohol, but the philosphy is applicable to spineys in the physical, mental and emotional domain. Sometimes we feel "able" to do something, yet the consequences remind us of our new place in life. This temporary ability can be a physical activity or a mental activity. Regardless, afterwards we experience that let down - the sadness of our reality. Our consequential pain can be both physical and mental, most often both. Thus the high incident rate of depression throughout the ranks of spineys. Your post attests to this fact.

    I have no words of wisdom to offer and even fewer of solace because I am at a loss. All I can tell you is that you are not alone. Many of us walk this uneven path.

    Incidentally, tears of a retired airborne/ranger in public are not becoming for whatever I am now. Just goes to show that we are all human.

  • the weight of existence is a little too much to bear today. but bear i will.
    Airborn, "the sadness of our reality" right on the head. by all means, stiff upper lip and straighten that spine... chin out, and the brave smile for the world, guess ime a product of a tougher time. a flawed, crumbling statue standing in state over my own open casket. my life inside there awaiting the occupation...

    sigh and SMH. my Vietnam Buddy would punch me on the shoulder and say get up and move where the noise is loudest, when you get there, look for the loudest one in the bunch, look im strait in the eye... and kick im square in the gonies!

    pain, fatigue, we all been there, and ive kicked them all in turn, but when they bunch up...
    thank God for friends no!
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • Hi Ranch, I just wanted to wish you a good day. I know it may not mean much, but sometimes when someone tells me to have a good day or enjoy the rest of my day and smile at me, it can be enough to make me smile back. So here I am wishing you a good day and giving you a smile 8-) that hopefully can help you smile today, even if its only for a moment.
  • Nice to see you but sorry you're having a rough patch. I have had quite a few of them lately having had my third surgery last December, getting canned because I can no longer do the job, and now looking for a new one.

    I read this in a book yesterday: "Health brings a freedom few realize, until they no longer have it." Ain't that the truth?

    I too wish you better days to come, something bright to shine in your life, a special moment that opens your eyes to the beauty of the world and rays of hope.

    Your friend,
  • William GarzaWilliam Garza TexasPosts: 2,426
    edited 05/06/2013 - 11:51 AM
    There is a reason ime here, experiencing this, There is an idea being worked out, the hard way..
    and ive touched on this a few times before, but ivr not progressed far enough yet and the lesson-the class is still in session..

    making peace
    coming to terms

    there is a certain freedom that i find when ime at my worst..
    its not the highs and lows, its the pain, and all the sensations all wound up into one

    there is truth, right there, just in front of me, ive just to sit still, open my heart and mind, stop making assumptions/presumptions..not let my ego in the way.
    in other words..
    my normal defence was running hard and fast in my 18 wheeler into the great yonder, out where the fence gets a little old, a little less tight. the barbs rusty, the Bluestem waves in the breeze, unhinderd for miles and miles.
    the smell of green, of unfettered sky, the sound of my steps crunch and swishy on the grass.

    the old windmill squeeks as it turns in the westernward breeze

    there goes the doves, high above, the cumulous clouds, fat with promise of shade float by..
    all thats inside
    so is pain and suffering

    and somewhere in between the extreme there is a sence of peace
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

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