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About ....Us

Please understand...
that I would give anything, Do anything to spare you, this.
I cant help what is happening, something happened along our path that has changed who and where we are.

I am Hurt, and there is no way to "Fix" this, no matter how much you want to, how hard your going to work to get me better, It will, at best be painful everyday, and at worst, I will be unable to do for myself.

No matter how much you have a need to stop my pain, it will always be right there, between us.
I cant keep up with you anymore, I cant do the things I want to do to be a good spouse, a good partner, a good person, I will feel worthless, It is not your fault, and I need you to understand this... The person I was, and the person I am now, are different.
But inside, I still want to give you the world...
But I cant, and you may not know how much the shame of it is killing me.
so please understand if i get down, get angry, and take it out on you.

It is not you i am angry at. I am tied in knots trying to figure out a way to be the person I was.
I am leaning on my Rock, my safe harbor, my savior.

Who we are has changed, You may not have expected this for another few decades, as did I.
I had hoped to be better prepaired to provide for us in the future.

Now I cant, and the guilt of that is sheer murder on my soul.

and you, stand there, helpless, want so much to fix whats broken, to make me better, and whole again, because its who you are.
This is going to take an unshakable courage to get through this.
I know you
I trust you like no other

nature always shows the way
we will get through this, just this...

everything you do is important, never feel helpless, or hopeless. my bond to you is unbreakable.
i see you struggling to figure out a way to make me better

I trust you and need you not to grow heartsick over me.
Inside ime still the essential me
and I love the essential you.

one day at a time
one problem at a time
one fear at a time, we will get through this.
I promise to keep you in the loop
Intellectualy, emotionally and spiritually
that is my bond to you
for better, or worse, i know you will have your fears, your doubts, and there will be...

I will be strong because of you
my beloved companion.

There are those of you Spineys, who fear...rightly so
and doubt.

open those lines of communication, make them strong and seek to understand the other sides point of view.

ask and seek answers about their pov...its not just you who is fearing...there are two in the center, and if one faulters, the center will ot hold.

your partner will go to the gates of hell for you, and they will, appreciate this, ;let them know, you know, cause they know you would do the same for them.

look deeply onto those still waters, and know what lies beneith. understand the undercurrents and eddys, the time to swim, the time to float, and the time to call for help.
isolating yourself from those who would gladly throw themselves down for you, underestimating the depth of commitment, and jumping in without knowing the waters nature would be foolish.

seek peace between yourselves about this horrid business, and understanding will follow.

this open letter between yourselves, the conversation between two hearts, must be done.

your companion will have an easyer time with themeselves, when the burden of guilt, and the shared toil is done between.

William Garza
Spine-Health Mod

Welcome to Spine-Health



  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,842
    edited 05/28/2013 - 4:06 PM
    Any time you post, I take the time (and I mean take some good time) to read your poems. In really such a small piece of landscape, you fill it with tons of thoughts, ideas, memories and leave us all saying Yeh, he gets it

    As always a real pleasure
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • That was written so beautifully. Thank you for posting it. It is so so true. kathy
    Kathy B
  • William GarzaWilliam Garza TexasPosts: 2,358
    edited 05/30/2013 - 5:16 AM
    Just thinking that there is always something else going on within and throughout our relationships
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • Ranch,
    Amazing, this is our and our families lives. You have stated our hopes and fears.
    Thank you,
  • I also love to read the things that you write so eloquently. It touches every fiber of our beings, because you put into words what is in all of hearts, and give our fears a voice when we can't find our own. THANK YOU
  • William GarzaWilliam Garza TexasPosts: 2,358
    edited 05/31/2013 - 7:37 AM
    My Memory is going, so ime putting out the only way i know how.
    My Peers say I think too much, they have no idea as to what ive lost.
    But in a way, its a blessing to forget...
    but i remember the "levels" of engagement.
    there is yourself, then there is the one closest to you..who you will hurt first, either by taking it out on them, not telling them, ornot letting them help you
    then there are those a little further, to whome you may confide, which you should be trusting enough to tell the one closest to you,,its a trust issue.
    then there are the docs, to whome you look for help.. but its not coming
    there are the strangers confided in also

    the one right there, will feel helpless and emotionally tied up.. they may psycologicaly not want to stay, for whatever reason in the nature nurture cycle.
    they will stay, but your ignoring the fact you have a partner and helpmeet
    then there are the lucky few, who have the perspicacity, to seek to understand what is unsaid...
    but that is where misunderstanding lives...never introduce that into the equation.

    this is a song every spiney sings, I appreciate the support!
    there is so much more to the 'condition"
    They" dont know how the beast is always there, preying on the psyche, the emotive, the physical

    why turn away the one person in the world who would take your burden onto themselves, gladly?
    they are part of the solution.

    this little short leg of the journey, is ful of pain and suffering, so why add to it? dont be afraid to give your burden over to your partner, they want to help, give the heart a rest, you are not alone...

    if there is no partner, there is family, Her in SH. on some level or other they all get it or will, its a part of the growing into pur own skin again.

    dont suffer alone, it is not for you to bear alone, seek,ask, reach out on the wayside.

    no one is left behind here, in Our little village on the web, all roads for some lead here.
    on the way, if you can find that stranger who is silent lonely and afraid, give them your shoulder
    bring them home
    some o f us cant be fixed, so we just work through what happened. over, around, under and mostly just worry at the problem till its solved.

    It is the way of spiney
    to flex, not John Wayne it, a slugfest,Alamo,last stand...
    yes its heroic\yes its impressive
    but the next morning you still have to get up and face your beast again.

    Be Blessed Spineys, so that you may bend and not break, flow and not flood, breeze and not rage
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • This is just what I needed to hear. So many feelings. I will share with my husband. We both have health issues that are slowly eroding our relationship. Communication is key and we haven't been talking much. I don't want to give this up after 30+ years.
    Thank you for sharing,
    Severe DDD. Klippel Feil Deformity. Cervical Foraminatomy that turned into Lamy. I have tried so many treatments, therapy's and medications.
  • The beast will cloud up whats important by putting itself in the forefront ofEVERYTHING! as you know. pain will force your mind, through your body, to give vast amounts of attention to the pain sensation, which is more than just that, it works on your mind, body and spirit and wears them all down, which in turn makes you intensley introspective and self centered, not on purpose, it just does. and there is where we either lean or not on or partners.

    getting them and keeping the lines of communication open, depite the baring of ones soul no matter how pain full...
    fore one, for your other half, who is vicariously walking the same trail,
    and you for not wanting to burden them, knowing that you are, yet you dont want to be,but they would gladly tradeplaces with you, but you wouldnt coz you love them so much...brrrreeeaaathhh.

    its this love that separates you, love through the pain, let your partner love you through the pain, because they need to know and trust you would do the absolute same for them.

    use your love, its a very powerful and empowering thing,

    and always remember..

    where there is Faith, there is hope
    where there is hope, there is love
    where there is love, there is strength
    where there is strength...there is peace.

    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

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