that I would give anything, Do anything to spare you, this.
I cant help what is happening, something happened along our path that has changed who and where we are.
I am Hurt, and there is no way to "Fix" this, no matter how much you want to, how hard your going to work to get me better, It will, at best be painful everyday, and at worst, I will be unable to do for myself.
No matter how much you have a need to stop my pain, it will always be right there, between us.
I cant keep up with you anymore, I cant do the things I want to do to be a good spouse, a good partner, a good person, I will feel worthless, It is not your fault, and I need you to understand this... The person I was, and the person I am now, are different.
But inside, I still want to give you the world...
But I cant, and you may not know how much the shame of it is killing me.
so please understand if i get down, get angry, and take it out on you.
It is not you i am angry at. I am tied in knots trying to figure out a way to be the person I was.
I am leaning on my Rock, my safe harbor, my savior.
Who we are has changed, You may not have expected this for another few decades, as did I.
I had hoped to be better prepaired to provide for us in the future.
Now I cant, and the guilt of that is sheer murder on my soul.
and you, stand there, helpless, want so much to fix whats broken, to make me better, and whole again, because its who you are.
This is going to take an unshakable courage to get through this.
I know you
I trust you like no other
nature always shows the way
we will get through this, just this...
everything you do is important, never feel helpless, or hopeless. my bond to you is unbreakable.
i see you struggling to figure out a way to make me better
I trust you and need you not to grow heartsick over me.
Inside ime still the essential me
and I love the essential you.
one day at a time
one problem at a time
one fear at a time, we will get through this.
I promise to keep you in the loop
Intellectualy, emotionally and spiritually
that is my bond to you
for better, or worse, i know you will have your fears, your doubts, and there will be...
I will be strong because of you
my beloved companion.
There are those of you Spineys, who fear...rightly so
open those lines of communication, make them strong and seek to understand the other sides point of view.
ask and seek answers about their pov...its not just you who is fearing...there are two in the center, and if one faulters, the center will ot hold.
your partner will go to the gates of hell for you, and they will, appreciate this, ;let them know, you know, cause they know you would do the same for them.
look deeply onto those still waters, and know what lies beneith. understand the undercurrents and eddys, the time to swim, the time to float, and the time to call for help.
isolating yourself from those who would gladly throw themselves down for you, underestimating the depth of commitment, and jumping in without knowing the waters nature would be foolish.
seek peace between yourselves about this horrid business, and understanding will follow.
this open letter between yourselves, the conversation between two hearts, must be done.
your companion will have an easyer time with themeselves, when the burden of guilt, and the shared toil is done between.