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cant work anymore so im just a worthless bum .

imagineroseiimaginerose Posts: 3
edited 07/05/2013 - 3:45 AM in Degenerative Disc Disease
, And the people here judging others and calling names that does not help anything. i guess ive become vary sensitive defensive lately.i googled back pain and sui thats what brought me here.i had my first hern disk with nerve root compression at 18 years old Still i used to have a life,make people laugh alot,have fun,on good days go places,had friends,joy,love,Yes i was a vary helpful handy happy person i Had good days,always held a full time job.Then sometimes i would get stuck? you know when a nerve gets pinched and you go down fire electricity coursing through you,molten metal burning in the groin high voltage running down your legs untel they turn to liquid, its embarrassing getting stuck when you dont expect a sudden onset. i have lay stuck to the floor lit on fire for days unable to move 1 toe without exploding the electricity i always keep food water,empty jugs within reach.i used to think on the 3rd day how long can i take this.so i set a 30 day limit,One day i gingerly steped outside 20 below zero then flash omg i went down. blacked out from the pain now if you havent blacked out from pain over and over whenever you try to move you have not reached that level.so im inch by inch half crawling for the door crying help getting.i can take all the back pain in the world then my neck went real bad in jan 2012 i cant take the neck pain anymore.it is to get needed pain meds.i can hardly sleep,cant work,havent had a good day in 1 1/2 years,gone broke,lost sold everything,feel worthless ashamed hopeless no end in sight suffering unimaginably no joy no fun no peace feeling angry sometimes.The neck pain flashes down my arms lighting my fingers on fire coming back up across my chest stabing a red hot ice pick trough my heart, i spaz im in anouther world im not of this world anymore.my head neck exploding im thinking this pain has to kill me wont it .re:doctors i laid stuck to the floor for 5 days then i managed to get up and went to a doctor she wrote a report and put it in my med file ,she said i was a scam a lier she stated that i got up on the exam table with no pain .i saw that report later .no mention of my vary obvious lat / bi lat scoliosis ,hern disks spinal stenosises ect ect,yes i am scum because i dont have medical ins. i have perfect credit i have always paid in full in cash.i have paid doctors to berate me i paid a doctor to be abusive to me yelling at me your back got worse over time that will be $350.00 dollars paid for nothing.Thousands for physical therapys $ mri $ Then thank god i found 1 decent doctor who gives me #90 5mg vicoden a month or ide be dead already.Please god take me soon i pray,i have suffered long enough. i cant survive homeless under the bridge in my condition.
scoliosis,deg disc dis, L3 L4 L5,hern w nerve root comp,schmorls nodes,sclerosis of end plates,tears,t10spinal stenosis,,Cervical l spinal stenosis c4 c5 uncinate spurring,deg disk disease nerve root impingements,c4-5,c5-6,hern c2-3 is fused .


  • Imaginerose,

    My boyfriend has DDD and also is unable to work. I know that he feels very similar to what you described - hopeless, worthless. I just wanted to reach out to you and let you know that those things are not true. The pain and depression are lying. You are a worthy and valuable part of this world, whether you earn a dime or not. I am so sorry that you have to bear the physical and financial burdens that are weighing on you right now. Please don't believe that you are less than anyone else because of what you are going through.

  • imagineroseiimaginerose Posts: 3
    edited 07/05/2013 - 3:55 AM
    Thankyou for being kind, i was afraid to look here so i peeked expecting the worst.Then i saw your supportive comment "nice laura"..And Keytan im sorry i made you sad i used to make people laugh alot and make people happy.i would put my life on the line and save perfect strangers i pulled a boy out of a lake after he fell through under the ice with no one around..i used to be a fearless doer of good deeds, be careful that can get you killed real fast.And i used to fix cars so cheep.i was so helpful and handy.And i rescued countless doggies god would just seem to send so many to me.SO What happened to the Hippocratic Oath ? i have had the worst luck with doctors.And i usually could schmooze anyone everyone all types of people liked me and i like them all.so i go to a doctor,And i tell him i was crawling on the floor again inching to the bathroom when the fire-electricity-high voltage rolled up my back 3x? higher each time and then crowned me with fire-electricity and i blacked out repeatedly. He stated snidely "Pain Doesn't Do That" Oh so im a lier again i thought! What if you went to a mechanic and he said we dont work on your kind of car that will be $150 ,Who else can do nothing for you even berate you "your a lier",so 1998 i hit my head.woke up in a pool of blood went to N.M er via amb.The para totally missed my vein with the iv.i was soaked in blood,prob gunshot wound to the head they kept saying.so in the er the childish doctor was totally birating me,because they found a joint in my pocket.Do you want me to call the police he kept stating.Yes Please i said,the nurse took my B.P, it was super low,i had lost alot of blood. It couldn't be the doctor stated he would be UNCONSCIOUS the nurse reached for my IV but the doctor scolded her and shooed her away in a fit.she rolled her eyes, he ordered the crash cart stand by me,i was freezing burning going into SHOCK heart rate so LOW B.P. crashing.My iv still hung compleatly FULL not 1 drop had i received .At My Weakest,the childish E.R. doctor still abusively berating me.Thankgod after 20 min ? my brother had driven to the E.R. the childish doctor went out to speak to him.Thankgod the nurse came over looked at my I.V. and said This is not .Me going into shock i would have arrested and died Soon. She reinserted the I.V. that had totally missed my vein reached up and opened up the flow that had been compleatly closed the whole time. i felt it running in me the shockeyness went away.That nurse just saved my life,the one the doc had shooed away.The bag emptied in my arm fast my b.p rose. if the childish scolding doctor had not left me to speak with my brother i would have died for lack of anything in my veins or heart.i felt better and i said get him away over n over.some other nice guy put 50 stitches in my head and sent me up to head trauma for the night. Ya bad para and doctor almost killed me.i was dieing and he just kept berating me about a joint.Next day i see my easygoing brother he asks me what was wrong with your doctor he acted so childish and was having a fit. after the doc left him he asked nurses ect Does he Treat everyone like this? He said they just maid faces like yes he is a real jerk. Low B.P. first thing any first year student would do is check the I.V .Ya i seem to get the bad doctors. The Doctor was so mean childish having a fit from the start.
    scoliosis,deg disc dis, L3 L4 L5,hern w nerve root comp,schmorls nodes,sclerosis of end plates,tears,t10spinal stenosis,,Cervical l spinal stenosis c4 c5 uncinate spurring,deg disk disease nerve root impingements,c4-5,c5-6,hern c2-3 is fused .
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,859

    • - What has been the actual diagnosis of your problem?\
      - What have any MRIs or other diagnostic tests do on you identify?
      - What kind of medications and dosages are you on?
      - What kind of treatments have you had?
      - What what is the action plan(s) identified by your doctor?
    These are just some of the questions we always ask new members to identify. Without this information, it is more difficult to try to discuss your situation.

    You will find a lot of compassion on this site and you will also find people who only look for the truth and help those that really want to help themselves.

    So lets see how we can possibly help...
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • thoracic spine painthoracic spine pain Posts: 566
    edited 07/01/2013 - 2:28 PM
    People don't seem to realise your spine is your central nervous system and that is why it is so painful. I am going to bump the Intractable pain manual back up and if you live anywhere near the Dr who wrote it, I would try and see him for pain management.

    I didn't believe people with back pain before it happened to me either. It seems to hit home more if they realise it's your central nervous system. As Ron says you do need to say exactly what is wrong. Writing helps. There is also a site called living works which has good information.

    I also had to give up my job as it involved a lot of travel which I love but couldn't do it. No-one is useless - life is a journey - heaven knows why we've been put on this one, but a dog can get run over and it's not it's fault so guess it just happens. I wish I had read the intractable pain manual years ago as I didn't expect to go through what I went through with some doctors. It is a bit of a shock when they have studied all that time and still don't understand pain.

    Hope you have a less pain day and please read the Manual I will bum pu again.
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