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Having a HUGE personal issue & Chronic Pain w/Depression worsening! Help...

Where to start...
After a 17+ year 'committed' relationship, my partner and I are splitting. They have been harboring resentment and being mentally abusive toward me for years. I kept hoping it would get back on track, we even spent most of our savings 2 years ago in couples therapy. But when only one is working the homework. We should have just gave the money to charity. They would have at least benefited from it! Now that the decision to end it was made & some time has passed, I realize that I was so very miserable too. I guess I was hoping that our past dreams would eventually happen. But I knew this was the inevitable end that was hanging over us for a few years. I am trying to see that it is the best for each of us. But we have 2 rescue dogs and I will not be able to afford to care for them and so they are going to be leaving me too. I love them as though they were my own children, but I will be living in my Mom's Den as a result of this and they don't allow dogs even if I had money. I am on a very small disability each month and considered extremely low on the poverty scale. God Bless Mothers or I'd be in a box under a bridge.
So this is the beginning of my story. It continues... We have a home, well now it's just a house! But it must be sold before we can actually separate and begin our lives apart. The house is too far from X work and they can't stay in a crate for 10 - 12 hours without getting outside or food & water. So I must stay til the house sells. Can't try to sell til it is 'Show Worthy'. I am the only one trying to get it ready. I worked myself to death for a month and now I just can't seem to make any headway. My health issues have made it like I've hit a wall. I'm amazed that my body did what it did for that month. I have Zero help from X and on their day off, it's spent on the couch or the PC or in the 'postage stamp' size yard. They are still treating me like crap when ever they get home and making sure I am awake & up by 6:30 AM and I never get to sleep before 9 - 12 at night!!! We all know that sleep is so important, even if we don't get rest.
My Doctor took a different job and moved and no one told me til I needed Rx refills & now they don't 'feel comfortable' filling 2 of them: Vicodin and Tramadol. Ummm, excuse me, but those are my Pain meds!!
I found my old doctor from before the 1st of the year. I was so excited. He knows me & my issues... knows I don't cheat or drink. always pass my drug tests, never try to get refills early.... Saw him & he said that the Offices he is at doesn't allow these drugs to be prescribed! He will set me up with Pain Clinic (been there, done that) they couldn't help me before, why will they be able to now?
Soooo.... I have all this happening, a new bill that I had paid for me before (& now I understand why) that has a balance of almost $1,000.00 and I rarely ever buy anything for myself!
It just keeps coming and I'm not just hanging from the last rope, but it is fraying fast. I really need someone to help me! My depression has tears running down my face now. I am out of Tramadol now that I got 1/2 of my usual Vicodin. Begging to get the Tramadol filled... Like I'm asking Dad if I can borrow the car when I was 16. My Pain is terrible & I haven't gotten anything done other than laundry and making dinner because it is 'my job'!!
I don't know what to do. I don't know how to get this crap packed up, I don't know how to ease my depression (dosage 2 months ago was doubled). I just feel like the only ones that care about me are the 2 dogs and my 84 yr old Mom that doesn't drive & is an hour away. I have the old vehicle that will be mine. It's a 2000 with no AC anymore and it takes $20 worth of gas min. to go to Mom & back.
I'm just overwhelmed. It's a huge house. Only bedrooms are nearly ready to show. Empty boxes everywhere that should be filled. I just want out... I have to get out of here. I can't take the treatment, the pain, the depression. I'm a mess.....

Any suggestions other than my Mom saying I need to 'get up and do it' or 'let your Sis-n-law pack, she's really fast (and has no idea what to keep, donate or trash). I need to radically downsize. I have 3 guitars, 2 are autographed.

I know they say that 'God will not give you more than you can handle.' I just sometimes wish he didn't have so much faith in me and my strength.

Thanks for reading my 'book' and any suggestions you may have for me. {{{Gentle Hugs}}} to all those suffering.
CJ Steam


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    I'm sorry about the end of your relationship but it sounds like it has been particularly unhealthy for some time. It doesn't make it any easier to see it come to an end, even though it is probably not the right environment for you at this time.
    Do you have any children? Any nearby relatives or neighbors who would be willing to help you pack things up? If I were you, I wouldn't worry about anyone else's things/possessions but your own. If they are unwilling to take care of their own things, then I would pack up my own personal things and items that you want to take with you and only those.
    It sounds like the others who live with you expect you to continue to care for their needs but are unwilling to live up to their share of responsibilites in the household. Don't cook, clean or do laundry for anyone other than yourself.
    As far as your future living situation goes, what about section 8 housing or low income housing options? If you meet the poverty level or below, then there are subsidies for housing, food, and other programs, especially if you are also disabled. Contact, your county adult services to see what options are available .
    I will think of other options and post them when I do, but welcome and I'm sure that others will be along shortly with more ideas.
  • My partner left and I have to sell my place, just to be in a different location helps. It is overwhelming. There is a site called Flylady that I used before this pain. It has practical suggestions, but there are so many Emails that I got off the site, as there was one everyday. It's kinda good though to realise people with no pain have really messy houses, and don't even make their own beds or dinner. There are also easy recipies on the site so cooking is not such a chore.

    I like my house to be spotless as well. Flylady suggests that you start in the messiest place first. Some of the strategies are really good and there are new tasks everyday so that helps a bit and is motivating. Should rejoin myself as that is my priority at the moment. Doesn't your partner realise the cleaner the house the more money you get? Maybe you need to really loose the plot with everyone so they get it.

    Sandi is right - don't do anything for them - put yourself first as it sounds like they have. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Get your sister in law to help and just make sure she checks before she chucks everything out. Honestly you accumulate so much stuff - most of mine is in storage - that you really don't need. Just more stuff to clean.

    I'm going back on Flylady to help me get this done. It's a balance between feeling mentally OK because you've done it then physically hurt because of pain kicking in later.

    Try Flylady and see if it helps you to get it together. It is so much easier when there is someone else to talk to and help you, I would just ask my sister in law to help. I haven't missed any of my objects that I thought were important.

    I know it is crap when you can't get motivated as well as physical and emotional pain on top of it. Sometimes I wish I was born a guy as they don't realise the physical demands of housework. Would rather be in the garden or doing something constructive, housework is so boring and really physically demanding. Turn the music up loud and go for it.

    Hope Flylady helps you get motivated. Have a less physical and emotional pain day and remember to take care of yourself cause no one else will. It's also the best revenge to be together within yourself.
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