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It's been said when it rains it pours. That's the way I feel lately with regards to my stress level. I had surgery 2 1/2 months ago to implant a permanent spinal cord stimulator to address my chronic back pain which had gotten progressively worse over the years following an accident. I went through the entire pre-op and post-op phase mostly by myself; I'm an only-child and single. I've been trying to assist my mother - physically and financially - whose in a long-term care facility because she didn't follow her doctors' advice with regard to several health issues. To add to my stress is the fact that my mother is bipolar and as her therapist stated, passive-aggressive; she wants what she wants, when she wants it even if it is inconvenient for me. Many times I have to 'push' through my pain and exhaust what little energy I do have in order to fulfill her numerous requests. It all falls upon my shoulders as my mother doesn't do anything she is capable of doing for herself and I don't receive any help from extended family/friends. So I must try and balance my physical, emotional and financial needs out with trying to stay on top of my mother's issues. I've been doing this juggling act for nearly 13 years and it's getting hard to keep my head above water, so to speak. There have been occasions when I have almost forgotten important appointments and personal matters that required my attention because I'd been focusing on doing for my mother what she can, but refuses do for herself. Not only does my mother refuse to do what she can do for herself, she will bombard me with call after call with what she wants, asking me to look up information for her. There have been days when she's called me 6-8 times in one hour; ONE hours time. Then there is the stress of living in the block where I currently reside which has deteriorated at a rapid pace. The noise pollution is terrible and often disrupts my sleep which doesn't help me cope with my pain. Then I got scammed not once but twice with regard to tech support service for my desktop PC. I was caught off-guard at a very vulnerable point in my life. I feel so overwhelmed at times that I've resorted to a bad habit I had as a child and that's biting my nails. I have tried therapy with 2 different therapists who didn't fully understand the complexities of chronic pain or the impact of having a close relative with a mental health issue has on the person trying to cope with chronic pain.
Denise Parker


  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,846
    but to add the burden in having to deal with others problems makes it much more difficult.

    While you are suffering as a spinal patient, but that means real suffering, that nothing is being done to help you.
    It would be very difficult to take care of anyone.

    But if you have some relief in either Physical Therapy, medications,etc you may have to extend yourself to family members.
    In many ways we owe this to the ones we love.

    But, of course there is a breaking point. I am not position to understand that exact family dynamics you have been posting about, but I've always taken an approach, that if you can take care of yourself, you will be in no condition to take of anyone else...

    Good luck
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
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