Just going to vent a little because I am stuck at home alone a lot lately and feeling very isolated during my recovery. I am struggling to stay positive about my future. In terms of my future spine health I think I am doing pretty well considering my past attempts at dealing with my situation. My nerve pain is gone since my surgery and I am more accepting that low grade back pain will be a part of my life. It does not prevent me from living so really I just need to learn to cope with a certain level of discomfort via lifestyle practices, cognitive therapy, medication, etc. I am hoping I can minimize my pain by taking a semester off college and work. I have all the time in the world to recover slowly, which I have never done before.
Point being- severe pain is gone! Woohoo right!? I am happy about that. I really am. But I am also really sad and lonely about where my 4.5 years of injuries, pain and 3 surgeries/recoveries have left me. I literally spend every hour of every day battling my negative thoughts. I am more successful than I have been at the past and I am thankful for that. Other point being- it is EXHAUSTING. Other than my counselor (and you guys) I don't talk to anyone about it. I know there have been good things in these past 4.5 years, but my spine health has dominated everything (partially because I've let it). So it's hard to talk about other things even though I don't want to talk about my back problems. There is just not much else I have experienced other than loss of some physical activities that I was most passionate about.
I'm unable to do heart pounding exercise daily anymore, ride horses, continue my part time job as a large animal caretaker at a vet med hospital or attend college for the semester. These are all things I wanted to be doing right now. I have very few friends and I hardly get to see them because of their busy lives. When I do see them I struggle to enjoy myself even if I try. I feel like I don't have much to offer them as a friend. My struggle to cope with things these past 4.5 years has prevented me from branching out, making friends, having a single relationship, etc.
I know this part of my life is just one part, but I feel so isolated and exhausted. Nevertheless, I will keep moving. I just don't feel like I'm getting anywhere.
25 years old: Herniated L4-L5, L5-S1 December 2008. L4-L5 microdiscectomy Sept 2010. L5-S1 microdiscectomy March 2012. Redo L4-L5 microdiscectomy Sept 2013. Redo microdiscectomy Oct 2015.