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Just want to know there is someone who understands my pain.

I have pain everyday. Some days are better than others were I can walk and seem perfectly normal.Somedays I just want to lay in bed or on the couch because I just can't bare to do anything else. My kids are very helpfuf but they think I am boring and my husband complains that he feels like my slave because he has to do so much for me and my mother always makes comments like, you were fine yesterday or you don't sound like your in pain...sometimes I feeel like no one truuely understands what I go through on a day to day bases. Does anyone else feel this way?


  • Many of us feel that way. I can tell you I can totally relate. When I lost my job due to pain my husband said what good am I. I can't go to my sons football and soccer games because I can't sit or stand that long. I try so hard to do things for myself and to be normal but usually the pain wins and I end up crying in my bed wishing for it to be over. You will find a lot of support here and realize you are not alone. I haven't been on here long but it really helps me reading posts.
    Acdf C5 C6 12/13/12
    Laminectomy and Discectomy L5 S1 12/12/13
  • boy can i say i relate. i was just speaking to my therapist about this a few days ago. He said that he sees it all the time in people with families of chronic pain. Although they understand the person is in pain they can't fix the problem and have a lot of stress because of it. Which makes life very difficult. I"m always saying no one understands the kind of pain that i have ,no one understands why i can't do everything that i need to and no one wants to help out ,they just want to complain that i can't do it. My thought is oh well screw you! Pain is a horrible thing to live with day in and day out and no one should judge someone who has to deal with it all the time. What makes them so much better then us ,i say that were stronger then they are. We have to deal with it and they just can't even live up to there part of the bargain of helping out.
  • on my nervesoon my nerves Posts: 116
    edited 11/17/2013 - 2:15 AM
    My pain is always constant. Some days it's just uncomfortable but then other days its completely debilitating. Unless you are someone in the same position you just don't get it. I'm very fortunate to have a very understanding family and my husband and kids have been life savers.
    I also have kidney disease so I can't take any anti inflammatory's at all...EVER. My only option is opiate pain meds and my mom is always on my case about that and I've explained to her that unfortunately that's my only option and to please try to understand that.
    There is a link on this site called a letter from chronic pain patients to friends and family that you can look up and maybe relay that to your family.
    I know the struggle you are going through because sometimes the pain starts messing with your head. I wish you luck and good Heath.
    Continue looking around this site and it will help you tremendously.
    Herniation of l5 S1 l4 , DDD , microdisectomy in June 2013 and re herniation in September
    Cervical herniation at C5-7 Jan 2014 with impingement of spinal cord. 2 level cervical fusion Feb. 2014 and 2 level lumbar fusion in April 2014
  • yes i understand and relate but over the 12 or so years of chronic pain and taking pain meds, there is one thing i have concluded, no one cares about our pain and no one wants to hear us complain. the more you complain, the more people will become distanced from you. people don't want to hear someone complain about how they can't do this or that. i never talk about my pain unless i am asked about it, never. when i go to work, i do my job and i will do things that i am not supposed to such as walk or stand. it is part of my job so even if i have difficulties doing these, i will do them never the less. you will lose any support or friends or family if you keep reminding them of your pain. the best advice i can give is to get on with your life, get a positive mind frame, do things with your family and work. going on disability just reinforces peoples conceptions of people with back pain. my father in law thinks of disability as one step closer to welfare as do a lot of people, they resent people who go out while they still have to work. family is the same. the more you remind people of pain and the difficulities associated with it , the more people will distance themselves from you. i have had 4 fusions, walk with a cane, can't stand for periods of time but i still work. i do my job the best i can, go home, drive my son to boy scouts, school activities, take vacations by driving long periods of time, go shopping, and not talk about my back pain.
    I have 4 fusions from L5-3, the latest last May '12 where they fixed my disc that broke.They went through my side this time. I take 40 mg of oxycontin 4x a day and 4 fenatyl lollipops 300 micro gms 4x a day.
  • Thank you! Its nice to know that someone understands. I go to work everyday and suck it uo I just hope I can continue.My doctor feels that I shouldn't be working because of the heavy lifting and sucj of being a nurses aide.really right now I have no choice to work because my husband does not work. I have 4 children so not working is not an option. Maybe I should seek a theripist it would be nice to talk to someone who wvvon't judge mee.I have seen lots opost
  • Hugs accepted. I am only 33 years old and walk with a cane 85% of the time. 1hen I am at work I use my linen cart for support.I just feel that even though I love my job is it fair to my family that it may be making the pain worse and is it fair to the people I work with and the patients I take. I have great co workers that help me tremendously and even my patients will say sit and take a break..I pretty much walk at 45 degree angle at all times. I know its getting to tthe point were I need to make a desicion but I don't what to do...its so hard to have chhronic pain like this.
  • Print out the "letter to normals" that is on this forum and hand it out to those who don't understand.

    Until you have lived 15 mins in our/my shoes, people know Jack. Simple.
    More titanium steel in me than a modern car.....
  • Completely understand and go through the same thing. ive been permanantly disabled for 10 yrs after my 4th spinal cord surgery left my leg paralyzed. the past 4 yrs ive battled severe chronic pain but i also have tourette syndrom which only exacerbates the pain to unheard of levels. my family means well but just dont get it. you r not alone
    W. Logan
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