Just when I start getting a little headway on dealing with my depression and my pain I hit that wall again. I was starting to feel good than about things and kind of feeling a bit human. Then it just feels as if things are starting to fall apart. I don't drive do to the fact that I have seizures and that sitting for longer than 15 minutes can be very painful for me. I had a spinal stimulator installed last Thursday and it help a bit not a great deal but it did help a bit. The nerve pain in my left leg had subsided a bit and I didn't have that burning sensation that I have most of the time. Then I was supposed to go back tomorrow and have it taken out and schedule a time to have one put in for the long term if I so decided. Well my normal ride to the doctor can't take me due to other reasons not their fault but I figured that I would try to drive myself but it seems the van I own won't start which is probably for the best. I don't want to take the chance driving and having a seizure that could kill someone else. Since I'm in the country I don't have access to a taxi service not that at this point I could afford one. But I guess I am just angry and upset that everything is just more out of my control that usual and it has just gotten me down I guess. I not asking for feedback or advice I just needed to vent and get it out.