I feel like I'm losing my mind here. I've been in chronic pain from a herniated L4-L5 disc for 10 months. My family lives in Dallas and I live in Chicago, I don't have their support at this moment. My amazing boyfriend of six years has traveled 21 weeks out of this year and isn't here at this time when I just found out I'm having back surgery. Luckily he is coming home in two and a half weeks, but at this point my support system is very minimal. I have panic attacks a lot and I cry every single day. I'm only 21. I shouldn't feel like an 80 year old. This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I'm getting a foraminotomy on January 6, 2014. I would love some encouragement. I would love to be told I am not alone in these feelings and that I'm not totally crazy.