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I have a conundrum. I have cervical stenosis that hurts very bad and I probably eventually will need surgery. I don't have any family to speak of, parents are gone, brother and sister live far away and are not close to me and my friends and girlfriend are growing weary of my mental condition due to pain these last three months. How does one recover from surgery when they literally don't have anyone?


  • Haven't had surgery but had an accident. I had to ask for help - although I didn't want to. My mum and an ex partner came and looked after me. Maybe you could ask one of your sisters to come down and help for a couple of weeks. You have to ask your girlfriend - she is getting back the old you hopefully - albeit with pain for a while. You also need meds to get you through the pain. It is emotionally and physically exhausting.

    It was one of the hardest things for me to do - ask for help. Guess it was different for me as I had an accident. If you are alone, in Australia they will send someone to your house to help if you ask. Call one of the aid agencies and tell them your situation. Other people on the forum have had surgery by themselves. They may give you better advice on how to cope. My friends are tired of it too but I have had it for 8 years so no wonder. At the moment have enough meds to cope with the pain. So am a bit back to my old self and am able to help people again now.

    The surgery might fix your problems - my ex had it done years ago - he broke his neck playning Rugby Union in the scrum, and has never had any trouble with it since the surgery. You could always go to the Philippines or Thailand and marry a girl there - you can give them a better life - you need to send money to their family every week but if you chose the right girl they will look after you. My ex went and chose on purpose so she wouldn't play up, an older girl from the country, not a stunning young girl - and she is great to him and he has company. She works as she can earn more money than there, and looks after him really well. She sends money back to her family but has citizenship. So you can save a girl and their family from prostitution and most of the girls are pretty good if you don't choose one who is too young or too pretty. They are trained to say nice things to you but if you can see through the flattery you might find a good girl to have around.

    Just a suggestion - I'm not a bloke but would probably look at that option if I was.
  • My situation with surgery was a little different. I had two lumbar fusions at different times, one in February and the other in June of last year. I also had a surgery for a staph infection after my first fusion. After each of my fusions, I only had about 3 to 4 days of help afterwards. My husband was an over the road truck driver at the time so he couldn't take time off to care for me, seeing that he was the only paycheck coming in at the time. After he left me to go back out on the road I had to do everything on my own. My family even though they lived nearby could be bothered to help me out in my time of need. After the fusion in February, I had to learn how to do my own laundry, load the dish washer, take a shower, walk my two 75 pound greyhounds and I even had to figure out how to change the cat litter box. Even cooking was a chore. I know these things sound trivial, but most of these tasks you should be getting some kind of help with. You really have to be disciplined about your restrictions. Your not even allowed to drive for a certain amount of time after your surgery. Luckily I lived about a quarter of a mile from the nearest grocery store. Driving was really hard, I don't recommend it. I became very ill with a staph infection, and ended up having another surgery. I needed help this time, my mother in law had to come help me. She lives about 350 miles from my home. Meanwhile my own mother could not lift a finger. I was so sick and weak that I could barely use my legs. They didn't want to work. I was in the hospital for 8 days. I left using a walker and needing constant care. Before I was discharged from the hospital set up a home health nurse for me. She was a big help. She checked my incision and my picc line for home IV antibiotics. I would recommend having someone like that come check on you if your insurance will pay for it. My mother in law stayed me with for two days after I got out of the hospital. My husband never got to come home during the whole staph infection ordeal. I had to make some major changes after that. I had to return one of my greyhounds to the rescue cause he was so strong he would pull me down. I had to learn how to get out of the recliner on my own, keep in mind that my legs where so weak that I could not even get them in the car. I could not even step up on a curb. It was a rough time, not something I want to experience again. I was all prepared when I had my second fusion in June. I am sorry if I rambled to much. I just want to let you are not alone some do have to got through this type stuff alone. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

    Discectomies 05/08 and 04/11, fusions L4-5 Feb 9,2012 and L3-L4 June 28,2012, Staph infection washout 3/2/2012, Bulged L5-S1. SCS trial on January 17th, 2014, which was a success! Permanent SCS on February 20th.
  • I am a self-employed guy and have relatively poor insurance. But reading this, it made me feel good. Everyone I guess have some of these issues. I'll get by somehow is what I'm getting. RT , you managed, I guess I will to
  • RickilalasRRickilalas Posts: 559
    edited 12/23/2013 - 2:21 AM
    First question
    what surgery will you be having. If it's a ACDF that will be very short recovery if it's Posterior you will need more help.

  • I don't know yet. I have issues in Lumbar as well. Have to get that MRI'd too. Hope I don't deteriorate too fast
  • About you being alone. Make sure your doctor knows...see if he can suggest something...or know ofsome program that could check on you...
  • Also check with your county agencies as well .. Most have some type of visiting nurse service for those who are not well insured and also with your insurance, they may send a home health aide in the first few days once you do have surgery.
    Neighbor's, church friends, co workers, etc all might be willing to pitch in with rides or meals or simple shopping trips.
    I prepared food for my family that was easily frozen and only required heating and defrosting in the microwave prior to my two spine surgeries, and neighbors and family friends, also stopped by to see if I needed anything or to simply call and check on me during my recovery.
    Neighbors and the kids bus drivers gave me more time in getting them on and off the bus in the early days stuff like that.
  • It's too easy to give up. You will need help in the event of surgery but you could consider preparing for it ahead of time. I think it would be handy to stock up on disposable dishes so you won't need to load the dishwasher. Also, maybe a mini fridge if you'll be in bed a lot. Friends, well you might not have many to come visit and sit with you but you'll find an overabundance of them here for you to talk to. And on particularly bad days when you think you can't possibly endure, remind yourself that your track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good.
  • It's scary time for me now
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