Background: I am fused C5-C7, and have very frequent pain from "knots" in my trapezius muscles between my neck shoulders. I also have upper back pain that radiates to my scapulas, but it has never been successfully diagnosed despite multiple MRIs and a CT scan. Doctors look at me like I'm crazy. (Yeah, I am "crazy" - crazy with pain.) I applied for SSD a few years ago, but was denied multiple times - including after a hearing. They truly don't care how much pain you have. All they care about is how long you can stand, your range of motion, etc. At this point I have been unemployed over four years.
I am in the process of searching for a job, and as I read job descriptions I am distracted by the thought, "How am I going to work while I am in pain?". The pain is so distracting and depressing. If I go to an interview looking as depressed as I feel there's no way I will ever land a job. The other part is that I don't really have special skills or a "career". I will have to find a job that depends largely on general abilities rather than very specific experience, but it seems most employers want very specific job experience. I guess in this job market they can be as picky as they want.
Altogether it's very depressing. I take Wellbutrin and Cymbalta, but I don't think any medication in the world can alleviate the depression I feel when I have negative thoughts.
Oh, and every day of my life I regret having had those fusions. If I'd know then what I know now, I would have lived with the pain I had before the surgeries. I could really kick myself.
Just venting. Thanks.