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Isolating Nature of Chronic Pain

jaggedlinejjaggedline Posts: 9
edited 02/20/2014 - 11:26 AM in Matters of the Heart
Hello Everyone,

My name is Jenn and I have quite the story to tell, as I am sure we all do. To keep it brief, I will summarize my present struggles as such:

I am tired.

Tired of explaining the chronic nature of my condition. Tired of hiding- just to avoid side glances from people that believe their inward drawing at the sight of a young woman walking with a cane and wobble, is empathy. Healthy people don't know how to face their own fragility, and seeing someone so outwardly able-bodied inching through the grocery store at an almost torturous pace, makes them feel it, and they don't know where to put this emotion. They may feel that what is stirring in their gut is sympathy, when it is not. This reaction is all their own. And it's scary. Yet, they re-curl and fail to reflect. Head in the sand, while the monster that will eventually get us all, lingers in the aisle. In the form of myself.

I hide because it is impossible to articulate that all that I hope to provide with my presence in the world, is perspective.

This is not where I hope to reside, but sometimes, it is just easier not to try. I pride myself on functioning, despite my constant pain. I feel that my resistance to stagnation is the only thing that circumstance has not stolen from me. But lately, things need to be reevaluated and the white flag needs to fly.
If only just as a reprieve.

Looking forward to getting to know you all.
27 Year Old, suffering with several spinal conditions since 2007...

Spondylolisthesis grade 4, PLIF 2007 corrected to grade 2,
Nerve Damage and all of the fun that comes along with it.


  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,842
    Welcome to Spine-Health and how to get started here

    The above link will provide you with valuable information on the Forum Rules, FAQ, how to navigate, the features and much more.

    I do like what you posted yesterday. How we deal with our medical situations also defines the type of person we are. As you start to read threads/posts from our different members, you will be able to identify the various personalities.

    I believe that those who have been impacted by spinal problems can be broken down into a few categories.

    • Angry Mad at the situation feel their life has been taken away from them. Angry at doctors,pharmacists, etc.
      Scared They dont fully understand what is happening, fear for what next year or 10 years from now will mean.
      Accept Once they have the problem/surgery, they surrender and watch life pass them by.
      Positive Sure, the spinal problem puts a kink in life, but nothing is going to keep them down, always positive.
    This is just a major breakdown, but there are so many subsets, since no two people are really alike.

    Very interesting about your comments when others see us. Some times folks in chronic pain have no obvious signs, so others can not believe that we are really in pain. But all it takes is a look into the eyes from one chronic pain sufferer to another. Eyes never lie. Now, as you said about having a cane, a walker, etc. I've been there. I do use a cane and in some ways, I use it as my badge of courage. I have never used a handicap parking sticker. When I park, I generally park a distance from the store I am heading to. I walk with my cane, perhaps a bit slow, but I always make it.

    Pain has become a companion for many of us. We have to learn how to deal with this. Our pain and limitations can never keep us down. So many times you will read here about people talking about what they can no longer do. I think the better view is to explore how much more than can still do

    I never hide my condition, well thats probably because with all my spinal surgeries and joint replacements, I do creak along.

    But I also believe that all of us living this type of life, will shed a tear at night by themselves. I think that is just natural

    Welcome aboard Jenn, looking forward to hearing more from you.
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • Thank you Ron.

    I typically would fall into the "Acceptance" crew. The last month or so has been very difficult, and is chipping away at my resilience.

    I have an appointment with my Psychologist today. I have been through a 6 week intense chronic pain clinic and have a specialized counselor for chronic pain. I have always tried to keep my chin up in my sessions, but I feel like it is very transparent. I am a little nervous today, because I feel that I should let her know how beaten down I feel lately. I don't want to be misinterpreted. I am not depressed, just stuck in a depressing position. I do not want to be thrown into a stigmatized group. I just need some outside perspective to channel my energy.

    We shall see how this appointment goes, thanks for reaching out. :)
    27 Year Old, suffering with several spinal conditions since 2007...

    Spondylolisthesis grade 4, PLIF 2007 corrected to grade 2,
    Nerve Damage and all of the fun that comes along with it.
  • Jenn - I was curious what a "6 week intense chronic pain clinic" is? Is that referring to physical treatments or more some type of counseling? I have just become aware that there are counselors that specialize in chronic pain and am interested to hear others' experiences with them.

    Thank you,
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