I am not exactly new, but have not been here in almost 3 years. I was an EMT in a very active system and always on the go/in shape. In 2009 I while moving a pt I lifted and twisted at the same time. Had a laminectomy and did work hardening training until the insurance company said I was too much a risk to work on the truck. I tried working in the billing dept for a couple of yrs but I had severe tailbone pain from sitting all day. I ended up being talked into a fusion, after all, L5 and S1 were bone on bone. The fusion helped my leg pain and numbness but only made my back pain chronic. I am now on disability. I am taking oxycodone 15mg 3-4 times daily for pain. Since my fusion in 2011 I have gained 50+ lbs and have been going to PT for back and women's pelvic therapy 2 x a week. It has helped some, but I just don't know how to live with daily pain and it is making me very depressed. I have two kids 11 and 13 and I want to be able to everything I used to with them. It breaks my heart. Do I exercise and try to push thru the pain? Do I rest? How do I cope and is there any hope of getting back to normal? Thanks!