Hello! this is my first time posting, I always read posts and find them so helpful but i decided to post today because I feel so lost and I need some support/advice, Im not sure if this is the right forum to be writing in sorry if its not! Im 18 years old and for the last 2 years ive had chronic back pain and leg\hip pain. The pain came from nowhere in July 2012 I was just about to start 6th year(the year of final exams in Ireland, to get into college) I had no back pain just pain all down the back of my right leg standing and walking. I went to the doctor and started physio and got an mri which showed a slight herniation at L5 S1. I carried on for a couple of months in pain going to school everyday and trying to study but the pain kept getting worse. In february 2013 I had an epidural injection in County Cork, I got no relief and a few days later the pain went into my left leg aswell, my feet had now started getting numb and i had tingles in both legs and feet and pain all across my lower back and in my hips. I went back to the hospital after 6 weeks and as i had big exams coming up in a couple of weeks they took me off all medecine I was on and told me there was nothing more they could do and to come back after the Leaving Cert, the consultant promised he would fix me then. So I battled on in agony with no pain relief until one day in school near the end of May 2013 I couldnt feel anything from my waist down and I fell down the stairs. I then went to AnE in my town, they sent me straight up to the Beacon Hospital in dublin where I had an mri, the disc had totally herniated and it was cutting off the nerves into my legs and I had lost control of my bladder, the disc was in a very dangerous position and they admitted me and took out half of the disc they said it was emergency surgery and i had no choice. I was in hospital for 2 weeks and missed my exams it was very upsetting but i got through it and managed all the recovery and had no pain and was doing great.the surgeon told me I was fine and that I could get on with my life and forget it ever happened! So I went back to school in september 2013 to repeat my leaving cert, this was very hard as I was in a new year and all my friends had passed the leaving cert and gone on to college, but I knew it had to be done. I was just after settling back into school and had made new friends when suddenly out of nowhere one day the pain came back in my left leg and lower back and hips. It progressed so fast and I was in agony again. I went back up to the surgeon in dublin at the start of november 2013 and he told me i had had a relapse the rest of the disc had herniated on the other side. I was absolutely devestated. He said he would operate on me on the spot if I was an adult but because of my age he really didnt want to do a second surgery and the risk of of infections and other problems was high because the other surgery was only a few months before. So he put me on antimitriptilyne. tramadol and difene and booked me in for a nerve block in january 2014. Things got worse I couldnt get out of bed all through Christmas. I had the nerve block done and I had to be admitted after it because the pain was so great. The surgeon said that when he did the nerve block he could feel that I would have to have surgery again it was the only option. Once again it became an emergency and I had surgery at the end of January. I found the surgery so much harder than the first one, I was in intensive care for 3 days and got multiple injection in my chest because I was tachycardiac I was then moved to a ward where I was on a morphine pump for nearly 3 weeks. 6 weeks after the surgery the wound opened and I got on infection and was on antibiotics for 2 weeks. So here I am now nearly 3 months after my second surgery. I am 7 weeks away from my repeat leaving cert, I havent studied since february 2013 and i havent opened a book since november. Im still on oxynorm and targin which affect my cognitive functioning, I cant really read or concentrate on things or watch telly and I still have a lot of pain in my lower back and hips, permanent nerve damage in places in my left leg and foot. im now in the pain management department. I really want to try and do my exams as i dont think i could handle not being able to do them again and watch another group of friends go on to college and get on with their lives. I am generally a very positive person and I am very happy! I really dont know how im still going, people always say that to me! But i think the medecine kind of has me in a different world I dont really realise whats going on i feel detatched from everything. At the moment I feel so confused and alone I dont know why all these horrible things keep happening, I never complain!! ever!! But i really feel now like i just cant take anymore im just heartbroken from it all! Im sorry this is so long but i really needed to get this all out, I dont know what to do anymore I would love to hear some advice!! Thank you so much!