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Found some depression meds

they are prescription and were prescribed to me, I cant afford my meds because ime not working.
the world has shrunk down to limbo, a nothingness eating at me, not black, not white,its as if ime suspended in a pearly white sameness, blind, deaf and losing all my feelings, a sad pearl i guess
i am not afraid of the sadness, its ,my constant and staid companion, the darkness has always been

the silence, the stillness of my soul has gone.
no one here helps, no here has the time, ime in the way and i know and see that, ime an option they choose to push the button for.
I know my worth
in their eyes, i also know my worth
there is not much spare change left when they think of mine

I hate the way they make me feel, but in the end result, they did even the waters

Ive got some friends, they reach into the waters when ime under
the problem is when i dont want to be reached for, they dont understand
they are hurt and begin to shy away
that is one tragedy of this darkness, the people close to you want need and will go to the ends of time and earth foryou
but the depression says to reject them, the time worn battle between self and wanting/rejecting help
it weighs on me, i know ime doing it, my friends dont understand, and i dont have the energy to explain the dichotomy
my friends deserve better, ime not so rich in friends that i can afford to lose any..more.
thanks for the time
William Garza
Spine-Health Mod

Welcome to Spine-Health



  • Hey,
    I have been where you are at. I won't minimize the feelings, I could be given anything I want and I would have still felt devoid, empty. At least I think so. Somehow I have gotten through those moments, and I pray you do too.
    About the meds that were helping, have you talked to your doctor? I have been given samples before, maybe that could help. But if you are no longer seeing a doctor, contact whatever company makes your antidepressant, that also may be able to help.
    2000- spinal fusion, complete spine due to scoliosis
    2012- pain began, started treatment for chronic pain
    2013- install of pain pump, procedures to address complications
    2014-blood patch, spinal fluid leak
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,863
    edited 04/14/2014 - 8:28 AM
    As always your words mean so much. There is a lot of sadness in your recent thread, but I also see some rays of sunshine.

    As you stated, you know your friends will go down under to pull you out, but you dont want them to pull you, out or even know that you even need to be pulled out.

    Almost every journey starts with a few small steps. Why not allow us, your spiney friends to help. Reach out to us, just a little and so how many respond, then take the next step and again see how many spineys are willing and anxious to help.

    Then I am hoping at some point, you will then feel comfortable with yourself asking your friends to lend you a hand.
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • EnglishGirlEEnglishGirl Posts: 1,825
    edited 04/14/2014 - 9:29 AM
    Take a little of my light! I don't have an abundance but I have a little to share. I'm sure you'll repay me when I'm in need. I don't know your darkness but I've heard it's a distant relative of mine, they have so much in common. You know they need our focus to take form? Mine is lurking in the shadows, I won't even glance as I pass by today. He's undeserving, lazy & soul devouring. Just days ago he gorged but was never satiated. I had no magic pill to exorcise him & I won't lie & state it was the power of my will..that's nothing but a fading ember after all these years. I sobbed in the darkness & shrugged off consoling arms..how could they understand? Finally I lit my little screen I typed my sorrows into the cyber void & my fixed face dear stranger friends fanned the glow. They sang of their sorrows & my soul knew the tune. I borrowed a little light they'd forgotten they had & we danced away the darkness just long enough to awake to a brighter dawn.
    Osteoarthritis & DDD.
  • Dawn is breaking here. Another night is over. My little screen is on and wow English Girl! You are constantly giving of yourself.
    Ranchhand, you have reached out to us your spine-health companions on the journey. I value you and your eloquent words.
    I send you a warm hug, a smile, an outstretched hand.
    DDD. Married,Mum of 2, Age 45: 2007 & 2008 L5/S1 Discectomy
    April 2013 L5/S1 Anterior Fusion
    & L4/L5 Artificial Disc Replacement
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,863
    Thats one of the best things about Spine-Health....
    We can always join in!

    A warm hug, a smile and an outstretched hand says so much without saying a thing
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • ime better tonite, Ime not comfortable at taking, i get better by giving, if i took some of your light, what would you have left?
    thank you though, its the very act that warms and lights my way, its the smallest acts that carry the biggest weight and the furthest consequences.
    all of you guys humble me by going out into the nite with a candle to light my way,
    lite to lite, its a step in the darkness

    I know the nature of the sadness within me, its cold breath on my spirit when come to visit
    something broke inside, the gears...grind as they try to mesh again, all the rough use has left many a broken piece to stop the machine from time to time.
    something is broken, that i cant fix.
    I burn brightly because i can and will, despite and in spite of the darkness, burn...
    and someday i will burn away till there no more
    that is all I ask of myself, is that my spark may light the way for someone
    that is my happiness.
    thank you guys
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • I'm sorry you've found yourself in that dark place. I know it well. I'm glad you've found something to help. One idea I had is to make sure your doctor is aware that cost of meds is a potential issue. Some are much more expensive than others. Generally, the newer, the more expensive. The generic versions of older SSRIs like Prozac, Zoloft and Celexa are pretty cheap even paying the full price. They aren't necessarily less effective than newer meds either.
  • I went and saw a shrink and got on Effexor for now because I don't want to go back to the dark place I was in over the last cpl months.
  • I live there, ime in it and figuring out the nature of my darkness
    i need to understand the thing to find out how to beat it
    thanks guys!
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • jlrfryejjlrfrye ohioPosts: 1,110
    PM me your deoression meds and I can see if I can get a company to donate or offer at little cost for the patient. I do this for my patients at work on a daily basis. There is help you can get regardless of your income
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