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Today has been an awful day. Both of my parents are extremely sick. My mom has lung cancer and is undergoing chemo. She just got done with radiation. She had a bad reaction to the last round of chemo that has simply floored her. There is a chance they will discontinue further treatments because of this. My dad is in the hospital for liver & kidney failure. I had to authorize the doctor's to withhold lifesaving care to my dad. Both my older brother and myself thought both parents had DNR's in their Advanced Directives. Come to find out that's not the case.

He (dad) decided this morning that he wasn't eating or drinking anything anymore and has quit taking all meds. They did give him pain medicine which put him out. When he is awake, he is hallucinating and acting out. Because of the pain he is having we agreed for him to be given IV morphine to hopefully make him comfortable.

I've dreaded this day for a long time. His health has been wonky for a long time. In the back of my mind I've tried to prepare myself for the inevitable. Though losing a parent is never an easy thing, having both parents on the edge at the same time is overwhelming.

My boss is outstanding and giving me the freedom to come and go as I need to take care of the family. My wife, older brother and sister in law have all been pulling shifts at the hospital and at my mom's house with me. Thank God for family is all I can say. Thanks for listening.


Several Epidurals, L4-S1 360 ALIF, Numerous Facet Joint Injections, RFA x2


  • SarahLindeauSarahLindeau Posts: 767
    edited 04/27/2014 - 5:14 PM
    Just do the best you can. That is all you can be expected to do
    2015: Thoracic protrusions C7-T1, T3-4, T6-8
    Dec'13: 360FusionL4-S1 w/bone graft
    2013: 3x2-level disc injections: 12mo surgery postponement
    Dec'12: DiscogramL4-S1
    Sep/Oct'12: Bi-lateral Rhizo AblationsL4- S1
  • Oh Keith my heart is breaking for you & your family. I wish I could be there to give you a huge hug. Words are so insufficient at a time like this... I'm so desperately sorry.
    Osteoarthritis & DDD.
  • That's so hard to deal with possibly losing them at once. Take this time, however to say your goodbyes. Give them forgiveness for any past transgressions, & ask them for forgiveness for any transgressions you may have committed. Tell them you love them, & you appreciate all they taught you.

    I lost both my parents suddenly, with no warnings. Losing a parent is never easy, but if you are able to do these things they will go in peace, & you will feel at peace. I'd have given anything for this opportunity. It's been 31 yrs for my dad, & 9 for my mom, & the effects of never having closure has left a hole in my heart.

    Many prayers to you & your family, & your Spiney family is here for you.

    Love & hugs, Susan
    We can't always control the cards we are dealt in life, but we can control how we play the hand
  • I am blessed that our family has always been open with our feelings and honestly, I can't remember a time where we were angry with one another. That is everyone except my little brother who is the drug/alcohol addict of the family. Tomorrow, I will call Metro Corrections (where he is incarcerated) to ask what we need to do in order to let him know of dads situation. My Dad and Mom are both scared of him because of how he acted out towards them one night a year ago when he was high on Meth. He emotionally abused my parents for a year until law enforcement would do what was needed to get him away. I really have mixed feelings about how I'm going to handle this.

    I just left the hospital and Dad was resting comfortably. He opened his eyes a couple times, but when asking him a question or just saying something, he had a blank stare. My 17 year old son broke down for the first time then. He is experiencing the end of life process for the first time being old enough to understand what's going on. His last grandpa died when he was much younger and didn't understand the process. This is all just so emotionally draining.

    Several Epidurals, L4-S1 360 ALIF, Numerous Facet Joint Injections, RFA x2
  • jlrfryejjlrfrye ohioPosts: 1,110
    May you find some comfort in days to come, with faith love and support from those you love.. I lost my mother 7 months ago and it still feels like it yesterday. I know you feel helpless right now, I know I have been there all you can do is be there and love them while they are still here. As far as your brother, let him make peace with his past mistakes if possible. It may also bring peace to your parents. A parent never stops loving a child regardless of what has been done. I will keep you in my thoughts for peace thru out the days to come. My heart is breaking for you right now.
  • Tomorrow it will be a week since dad past. Mom is having good and bad days. Her memory is off right now but we've been told the chemo can cause that. The rest of my family has been taking it well.

    His funeral was wonderful. Their preacher did a fantastic job explaining dads devotion to his grandkids and church. Mom wasn't able to go because of how sick she was, but we did get it audio recorded for her.

    The process to get my little brother out of jail long enough to say goodbye to dad turned into a fiasco. Long story short, corrections gave him a 24 hour pass out of jail (huge flight risk), begged us to take him to mom's house to stay when mom is the one who has the EPO against him and he called neighbors and family all night complaining about how bad of brothers he has. He then was late turning himself back in to jail and now has an Escape 2nd charge added to his rap sheet. Did I mention they waited until dad died to let him out of jail??? It was awful.

    I'm sure over time things will get sort of normal again. Although I'm not willing to put money down on it!

    Several Epidurals, L4-S1 360 ALIF, Numerous Facet Joint Injections, RFA x2
  • Wow, you are much stronger than I knew! To be going through all this and being such a rock for your family says a lot.
    2015: Thoracic protrusions C7-T1, T3-4, T6-8
    Dec'13: 360FusionL4-S1 w/bone graft
    2013: 3x2-level disc injections: 12mo surgery postponement
    Dec'12: DiscogramL4-S1
    Sep/Oct'12: Bi-lateral Rhizo AblationsL4- S1
  • jlrfryejjlrfrye ohioPosts: 1,110
    Im sorry for your loss and Im not going to say she is in a much better place now because when people told me that i wanted to smack them. why out of selfishness. i wasnt ready for her to go yet; Im sorry things worked out with your brother they way they did. It could of healed 2 souls but some never change and you cannot let that affect you. YOU are the important one right now who needs all the support you can find, whether it be with friends, family or the church, /even us at SP will always be here to talk. I pray you find peace in your valley and remember we are all always here for you
  • I am late to this, but I just wanted to express my condolences and my support.......I lost my father to homocide when I was just 15, and my mother is 70 now...so I know that I will be dealing with this soon.....I am truly sorry that your brother couldn't get his act together to attend and make amends with your mom, but as we all know, sometimes, family can be difficult.
  • Wish there was words to say to give you the comfort you need right now.
    There are so many great people on here that care about each of us and
    and that is a blessing.
    My Mom is in a rest home and slowly slipping away, I look at her hands and
    cry she brought up a huge family with so much love and care. The wrinkles
    show her effort and make me cry. I am 66 and no matter how old we get they
    mean the world, so once again I am so sorry for your pain.
    You were and are there for them that shows the wonderful and strong person you are.
    Take Care
  • TarenTTaren Posts: 525
    edited 04/24/2014 - 8:21 AM
    So sorry to hear about your dad passing away. You, your mother and the rest of your family are in my prayers. Too bad about your younger brother, that just makes everything harder than it should have to be. Sometimes there is nothing that will provoke some to grow the heck up and get it together. Again, so sorry to hear of your dad's passing.
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,865
    Just wishing you and your family the strength to get through all of this.
    It cant be easy, it is never easy.

    Our parents molded us into what we are today. So much of how we live is based on that. As our parents get older and start to falter, its like a major force inside of us is coming to a halt.

    I think the best I did when my father passed away was to continue his love of life and his love for his family, his wit and honesty. So, my tribute to him was to carry on those same traits. This way, a part of my father never leaves me.

    Keith, wishing you all that you need.

    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • I lost my dad 10 days before my 17th birthday, & my mom on my daughters 4th birthday. I spent Mothers Day planning her funeral. I know what a difficult loss this is. You & your family are in my prayers.
    We can't always control the cards we are dealt in life, but we can control how we play the hand
  • I appreciate the thoughts and prayers!
    Several Epidurals, L4-S1 360 ALIF, Numerous Facet Joint Injections, RFA x2
  • My heart goes out to both of you. I push thoughts of my parents advancing years out of my mind but always feel the tragic frailty of the human self in my heart. Loss is by its very nature beyonds words. I feel your pain.

    Huge hug.
    Osteoarthritis & DDD.
  • It is never ever easy to have a parent pass on. My prayers are with you and your family during this very difficult time.
    I know you already know this, however you always have this great place to come to, it really feels like we are one big
    family I've met so many great folks here on SH.
    Please accept my condolences for your Dad.

    ACDF C4-C7 5/13/2010. Synthetic Bone Graft Failed Fusion.
    PCF C4-C7 8/13/13. Rods and Screws Fused in 3 Months with Autograft.
    C6-C7 Spineous process Surgically Shaved Off 3/11/14.
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