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Chronic pain~ hurting bit just me, but my marriage.

Hi friends. I need to share with people that would understand what's going on. As we all know chronic pain Willens our daily activities can lead to depression and affects those around us. Since my surgery in February 2009 (had a 360 fusion on two levels) the pain is taking a toll on my marriage the past six months~ we have three sons, im a stay at home mom.. I know it's hard for my husband to pick up the slack but sometimes I feel because our injuries aren't shown on the outside, that they don't quite understand what it feels like to live like this everyday.
Anyone else have a marriage or relationship that seems stressed because of chronic pain and illness.
(Failed surgery, neuropathy, fibromyalgia)


  • Sorry to hear about your stressed relationship. As for your questions I have read about others going through relationship challenges as a result of chronic pain. Fortunately for me, my wife is very understanding. I am sure that when I have been at my worst, I was more difficult to relate to. Pain can impact moods and so can the drugs we use to try to control pain.

    There are some interesting write-ups on this forum that speak of a "day in the life" that say things fairly well. Some have shared these writings with their spouses. For some that helped educate spouses and improve things. I don't think their are any magic solutions to solving relationship issues. You just have to work hard on them and let the other person know that you care about them. I think this is true without the complication of pain, with pain it is just harder. Again, you need to let the other person know that you care about them and hopefully they see you struggle to make things work and respond in kind.
  • Bamaboy100BBamaboy100 Posts: 40
    edited 07/16/2014 - 3:31 AM
    I completely understand and I'm in a very similar situation. I started having pain in my feet in 2010 which progressively got worse and i ended up having L4/L5 lamanectamey in Feb 2013 to relieve the referred pain in my feet. The operation helped for about 8 months but then the pain came back three fold. My wife and I have had our share of problems because she didn't understand at first...which is understandable. We spent several months with an incredible Christian counselor and he really helped us out in our relationship. We have a 4yr old and an 8yr old so I was really glad that we could get some help together. You need to understand your husbands thoughts and he needs to understand yours...quite often this can't happen without the support of a couneselor's guidance. We have a great relationship now, she can tell by the look on my face when I'm in pain and sometimes she picks up the slack without question. Unfortunately human nature will have your spouse question the pain at times, but hopefully you can look back at your time as a whole in a positive light. I know I'm kind of babbling and I'm all over the board but I could literally write a book about this.

    Just remember to talk with your husband and tell him how much you appreciate his extra efforts...sometimes that's all it takes to keep the happy relationship moving forward. My biggest concern at this point is my childrens view of me and my pain. Best of luck and know that I'm there with you...I feel your pain.
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