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Feel like I'm drowning....

Hi All,

I don't really know where to turn anymore? I really try hard to not have a poor me attitude, but it is really difficult. I am still battling through recovery from my direct pars repair surgery after having been bed ridden 3.5 months prior to surgery and an additional 6 weeks after surgery. I have recently found out that my husband had cheated on me 2 weeks after surgery and it had been steadily continuing until I found out. It is really difficult for me to try to concentrate on getting better while having marital issues also. Also, my husband did not really assist in helping take care of me while I was trying to receive diagnosis for the 3.5 months. All this is really hard to deal with. I just want to get better so that I can move on. Most likely divorce is in my future since I still see no change in him.

Have others been through this while dealing with the long road of back surgery and recovery?

Bilateral pars defect L5


  • William GarzaWilliam Garza TexasPosts: 2,433
    edited 08/05/2014 - 11:13 AM
    Now is the time to concentrate full and selfishly on you
    I hate to say that as it goes against the grain. but a war on two fronts is going to drain your emotional and then physical resources in turn.
    pain is worse when you have to fight the emotional and mental battles on top of the physical, so hence bring your focus right now to a singular bright spot, focused and lighting your path
    the other will follow in time as you gather strength
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • It is great just to be able to talk and receive a response like your's, ranchland. I greatly appreciate it. I read your bio and my heart goes out to you and I pray for pain relief for you. How are you doing now?
    Bilateral pars defect L5
  • Wow so true Ranchhand. Kcates, my heart goes out to you. Hopefully you will find the strength to get through this
    2015: Thoracic protrusions C7-T1, T3-4, T6-8
    Dec'13: 360FusionL4-S1 w/bone graft
    2013: 3x2-level disc injections: 12mo surgery postponement
    Dec'12: DiscogramL4-S1
    Sep/Oct'12: Bi-lateral Rhizo AblationsL4- S1
  • Thank you so much for thinking of me! Hope you are doing well. :)
    Bilateral pars defect L5
  • Let me say that my husband didn't cheat on me, that was my ex! I have since remarried and my us and is very supportive. Please follow the advice the others have given you. Believe me, if he cheated on you when you were your most vulnerable he is not worth expending any energy. I was married to my "practice" husband for 17 years when he cheated. She was also married and her marriage was an established one with 3 kids. One thing I learned is if they will cheat with you, they will cheat on you. They got married and after 2 years she was cheating on him and they got divorced. So don't stress, he will get what's coming to him. Conserve your energy for recovery.
  • Ime glad i was able to bring some light in!
    Hope that things have gotten better? Healing takes energy and time, if your divided in heart, mind and Body, your resources are divided, never and truly not a good thing.. Why add stress to an already drained pool?
    Love yourself, so that you may grow in spirit
    Honor yourself, so that you may be whole again
    Cherish the life you have, so that you can face the darkness with courage and fortitude.

    you will heal
    you will be made whole inside once again

    The Body wears away,
    Time, the great equalizer of pain, will ease a balm over the rough places
    the razors of doubt will blunt, and turn to glass, to be shattered when you heal yourself.

    Your self worth, immeasurable and above any price, is still sterling and untouched
    some ones elses failings, are not your failings.
    someone else's selfish choices, are not your burden to carry

    If leaning on someone a little, will help you walk your path to healing a little faster, by all means!
    if standing alone is the only way to get through the pain, go do it in the sunshine of the spotless conscience

    Smile for the mirror, for who is in the mirror, and for why they are there.


    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • MetalneckMetalneck Island of Misfit toysPosts: 1,368
    Some spouses pick the worst time to betray us. My Ex informed me that she was divorcing me 6 weeks after my major revision surgery. What I did was try to practice rigorous acceptance. Change the things I can .... accept the things I can't ... and pray for the wisdom to know the difference. I hope you begin to feel better on all fronts.

    Spine-Health Moderator
    Welcome to Spine-Health  Please read the linked guidelines!!  (Click on Welcome to Spine-Health)

  • Some people have the absolute inability to put someone else's needs before their own. His betrayal is a sign of this and shows you how selfish he is
    2015: Thoracic protrusions C7-T1, T3-4, T6-8
    Dec'13: 360FusionL4-S1 w/bone graft
    2013: 3x2-level disc injections: 12mo surgery postponement
    Dec'12: DiscogramL4-S1
    Sep/Oct'12: Bi-lateral Rhizo AblationsL4- S1
  • Spiny_MaloneSSpiny_Malone Posts: 225
    edited 08/09/2014 - 6:56 PM
    This is a terrible thing to go through especially at this time. I hope you can find some comfort and strength to turn it into getting you on the mend!
  • kcateskkcates Posts: 68
    edited 08/10/2014 - 2:35 AM
    But in a good way! it is so nice to receive your support. If any of you ever need anything, please PM me...I am here for you.
    So I have slipped into this ridiculous routine every day...I don't cry as much and just try to accept what is and my "husband" tries to pretend that he never abandoned me or cheated on me. I am waiting for me to be more mobile so that I can move on with my life. It is so sad when you thought your life was going one way and literally one day later you are bed ridden and the people you thought had your back....don't. But this is life and I know it is pointless to really let this get me down.

    Ranchhand....you have such a way with words. I keep coming back to your second post and reading it over and over again.
    Bilateral pars defect L5
  • cry as much as you need to
    in the right amount
    for the allotted amount of time

    for there is a Garden inside you
    when watered by tears..grows and blooms

    and in this Garden you will walk one day, and see the beauty it holds
    all it needs at beginning of the new internal spring , is the sunshine a renewed soul brings.

    where you are now, is not where you will be
    when you find the moment yours again
    when time stops for the want of explanation at the beauty of your soul
    when all distance is measured in breaths, not miles
    when the pain stops for one evanescent, sparkling moment

    you will have returned to innocence before the fall

    take that next breath and step forward into the next chapter.
    all the beauty is hidden now by pain
    be on the lookout, be ever so vigilant for the moments that make up, that wake up, a beautiful life
    the more you find
    the more you will.

    this chapter will close
    and all the bad will fade to memory, and memories are just that
    shades and shadows to be looked upon

    we live in the light..surrounded by darkness
    it is our fate to travel from dark to dark
    and in between those darks, a time of and for light
    before the ultimate closure.

    I wont run
    i wont hide
    I will live my life
    in between the Dark
    there is light

    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • SarahLindeauSarahLindeau Posts: 767
    edited 08/21/2014 - 5:55 PM
    Beautiful Ranchhand
    2015: Thoracic protrusions C7-T1, T3-4, T6-8
    Dec'13: 360FusionL4-S1 w/bone graft
    2013: 3x2-level disc injections: 12mo surgery postponement
    Dec'12: DiscogramL4-S1
    Sep/Oct'12: Bi-lateral Rhizo AblationsL4- S1
  • I found out that even though my "husband" promised that everything was over with the other woman that it is not.

    He is a chameleon,, changing colors with his words to suit whomever he may be speaking to. I trusted in him fully and completely and now it is SO disheartening to have everything you thought was just shatter at your feet.

    I know he isn't worth an ounce of my energy...my mind gets it but my heart does not. I just need to get better so I can move on with my life. I truly am energized with what the future will bring but terrified at the same time.

    I need your support......my heart feels like it is bleeding.
    Bilateral pars defect L5
  • Is earned
    there is no fault in you trusting someone, to take them at their word
    if and when someone chooses..to introduce doubt into a relationship, they have already broken that strongest
    and most fragile of attributes.

    it is a conscious and selfish choice to betray someone..
    a defect of character
    a choice of the weak minded
    and a indelible mark of the self centered selfish soul.

    Promises are worthless without deeds
    the choices he makes are his and his alone
    to be faced by him when judgement comes.

    the mind / heart interlock is hard to break
    you love until it hurts
    its in your nature
    Love until you break..

    It is broken, forever rending and twisted like their idea of fidelity..liquid
    unlike yours. diamond and adamantine.

    Let this flow over you, around you and through you
    let the chill wintry mix ebb and flow until the tides are settled

    so you wont break

    let the memories be Autumn Leaves, let them be discarded as last seasons beauty
    they served a purpose
    now to be cast away to winters inevitable call

    let them litter the ground, now useless and trite

    winter will call
    yet deep inside the vital life will flow, though sluggish and reluctant
    if only for the promise of spring.

    your tears will dry
    your pain will be replaced by peace

    Wipe away the tear from your eyes
    the fear will die and hope will come to find itself again inside
    where you are now
    isnt where you will be.

    dont forget who you are
    dont lose the essential wonderful you.
    give of yourself, to yourself.

    Be Blessed
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • Just what i needed Ranch
    Bilateral pars defect L5
  • Every word so true. Please be strong & have faith in yourself. You're in my thoughts ;-)
    Osteoarthritis & DDD.
  • I really appreciate the support from everyone.
    Bilateral pars defect L5
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