Welcome, Friend!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

Veritas-Health LLC has recently released patient forums to our Arthritis-Health web site.

Please visit http://www.arthritis-health.com/forum

There are several patient story videos on Spine-Health that talk about Arthritis. Search on Patient stories
Protect anonymity
We strongly suggest that members do not include their email addresses. Once that is published , your email address is available to anyone on the internet , including hackers.

All discussions and comments that contain an external URL will be automatically moved to the spam queue. No external URL pointing to a medical web site is permitted. Forum rules also indicate that you need prior moderator approval. If you are going to post an external URL, contact one of the moderators to get their approval.
Attention New Members
Your initial discussion or comment automatically is sent to a moderator's approval queue before it can be published.
There are no medical professionals on this forum side of the site. Therefore, no one is capable or permitted to provide any type of medical advice.
This includes any analysis, interpretation, or advice based on any diagnostic test

Second decompression surgery and now hubby has bad back :(

Hi all,
I haven't posted here for a long time but need some advice. I am 28 and nearly 5 weeks post revision decompression surgery at L5/S1. I had surgery 4 years ago without much help but this one seems to have taken most of the back and left leg pain although I still have a lot of numbness. I am off work for 2 more weeks and concentrating on my physio and now my hubby is experiencing very bad symptoms of the same thing :(
I am trying to be as supportive of him as I can as I know how hard it is, but I am also very frustrated as I had been suffering for 6 long years before I was even offered an MRI. I know how difficult it is to be in pain and have to limit activities, be sick from work etc but he doesn't seem to take any of my advice. He is currently on painkillers from the doctor and awaiting physio. Apparently his doctor said they may have to go down the surgery route which I think hubby is clinging on to now. He doesn't seem to understand that he has to try all other options before surgery and wont even try to do some basic physio I have given him for fear of doing more damage.
I don't pretend to be an expert, but I do have a lot of experience now and just wish he would try and improve things instead of just feeling sorry for himself (God I sound horrible!). I am finding myself being angry as I am still trying to recover from my own op and also look after and sympathise with him! We are due to move house soon and just carrying out simple household chores seems so difficult for us both, I am terrified for our future if we are both going to be suffering.
Sorry about my rant but wondered if anyone else has been in the same situation or could offer me advice on how to be more empathetic towards him and also not over-do it myself.

Thanks for reading



  • All of us are different even the people that we are married to. For many of us, we don't understand or think much of an issue until it becomes "my issue". For men, we frequently want to tackle problems with full force. Sometimes this is the false illusion that dispensing of all the intermediate steps and going to surgery is the right solution. "If I have a problem, I will just deal with it full force and just move on and put it behind me!"
    In the case of spine surgery, that is not always the best strategy. As we all know, spine surgery is risky. It may leave us in an improved state, but not in the same state as if we never had an issue. The best outcome for many is to take more conservative approaches at tackling the problem and getting better. That actually works for most people. Since your hubby's doctor suggested that they may need to go down the surgical route, he must have based that on some reasoning and hopefully not just lining his pockets with green stuff. For me, I took several years prior to deciding on surgery. I was loosing my ability to walk and was enduring significant pain. My symptoms mapped to the MRI very closely. The surgeon that operated on me on my initial visit with him sent me to pain management. That somewhat worked for a year or so. When my legs were growing weak, the pain doctor sent me back to the ortho doctor and I am ended up having surgery.
    As far as relating to your husband on these issues, there is no simple answer. He probably is struggling inside with his own issue and is not fully sharing or even comfortable with sharing all of his feelings. Sometimes a hard exterior face is hiding a soft interior. If you want to give him advice, you may need to figure out how to get him to think the advice is his own idea.
    I think the people side of things is frequently more difficult than the physical side of things.
    Wish you the best.
Sign In or Register to comment.